Friday, November 30, 2007

Weigh Day

I weighed in this morning to register a 1.5 kilo loss (3.3 lbs), taking me down to 102.2 kilos (224.8 lbs). This means that I am now at my lowest weight of the year and the lowest weight I have seen for about 4 years.

I was stoked to see such a good loss this week, but I suspect some it might have to do with the nervous tummy I had yesterday... I had a cocktail party last night for my new work and I was so nervous that I spent most of the day in the bathroom. The cocktail party went well, but I will never wear high heels again, or at least not until I lose about 35 kilos. I felt like crying by the end of the night my feet were hurting so much- big mistake. The good news is that I managed to restrict myself to 1 glass of champagne and I didn't eat anything. I must admit that it wasn't that hard to do because I was still feeling sick and didn't feel like drinking and I didn't want to risk trying to eat canapes while talking to clients. I could just see myself dropping food down the front of my dress or being asked a question after I have just stuffed something in my mouth.

So now I have 4 weeks to lose that final 2.2 kilos and get to 100 kilos by the end of the year. Normally this would seem pretty easy, but I think the fact that I have a new job, about 5 Christmas parties, my birthday, Christmas, a weekend away and New Years Eve in those 4 weeks will make the task a bit more difficult. It is such a fun time of year that I dn't want to miss out on too much. My goal is still to be under 100 kilos by the end of this year, but if I do the best I can and don't reach that goal then I won't be too disappointed.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

So I have been at home on the couch feeling sick and sorry for myself for a few days and it is harder then it sounds. All I feel like doing is eating. I am bored and it seems only logical to use food to entertain myself...

So far I have resisted stuffing myself with chips and chocolate cake, but I have been eating more and exercising less then I normally would. I am starting to feel like a sloth. I got up this morning and did a 30 minute Rolling Hills walk on the treadmill, but I felt awful by the end of it. I probably shouldn't have pushed myself, but I can't help but feel guilty for doing nothing.

I forgot how hard it is to be healthy when you are at home all day and don't have a set routine. When I was working I was too busy to procrastinate all day about exercise, I just got up and did it before work. Now I sit here on the couch for 8 hours telling myself I'll do it after Kerrie-Anne, I'll do it after Dr. Phil, I'll do it after Oprah. Until I finally come up with a great excuse as to why I shouldn't do it at all.

All this free time has given me too much time to think as well. I am starting to shit myself about starting this new job. I am wondering whether I got myself in over my head and I am scared I am going to stuff up. Then I start fantasizing about moving to the country and opening up a cupcake shop and living the simple life.

I am also torn about what I should do with my next week off. Apart from Christmas, it could be a long time until I have another break, so I feel like I should make the most of it and just relax. Maybe sun bake in my courtyard, read books and eat whatever I feel like. Then I think I should use this time to focus on diet and exercise before the holiday season. Then today I started to wonder if I should jump on a plane to tropical destination for a few days of pina coladas and pampering.

I know it sounds like I am creating problems out of what is a pretty great situation, what is that saying about idle hands being tools for the devil or something???

Monday, November 26, 2007

Weekend Update

I am normally a pretty slack blogger, but now that I have some time on my hands I can blog a little more. So here are a few random things from my weekend...

I went out on Friday night with the plan to only have 1 or 2 drinks, but I had 6. I am still pretty happy with that because normally I have 15+ drinks on a night out. The other problem was the kebab I ate on my way home. I have to accept the fact that I can't control my eating when I drink. No point being in denial about this anymore.

I started feeling sick before I went out on Friday night and by the time I got home I had a raging cold. I have only been sick 3 times in the past few years, first when I left my last job, then when I went on holidays to New Zealand and now that I have left my current job. So I only ever get sick when I relax it seems, I guess it is good because my body always seems to keep me going when it needs to and falls apart when it gets a break.

I went to a wedding on Saturday and my eating was a bit out of control because I just didn't care. It started with a Vegemite and cheese sandwich before I left and went from there. I didn't drink at the wedding though, but I can't really take the credit for that because it was only because I felt too sick. I don't mind that I ate a bit crazy because my body needed it and the main thing is that I woke up on Saturday morning and got back on track.

John Howard was finally ousted from power on Saturday night and I feel so much safer already. It has been a good year for me and my family with Geelong winning the AFL premiership flag and now the Labor party back in power- pretty much the only two things we can all agree on.

I went shopping on Sunday and boy did I shop. I bought all new make up, new perfume (the Christina Aguilera one), 3 pairs of shoes for work, 2 skirts, 1 shirt and 1 top for work, 2 bras, matching yellow pyjamas, slippers and dressing gown for summer. I felt like I needed all new stuff before I start this new job, they make me feel like a new person. I would have bought more clothes but the shops are filled with summer party clothes and there wasn't much that was appropriate for work. This is the worst time of year to shop for work clothes.

I tried on some clothes from my wardrobe and 2 shirts I bought last year finally fit me. I feel like over the last week my body has started to change a bit. Three people have noticed my weight loss (I have lost almost 25 kgs all up and barely anyone has noticed) and even I can see it now. I think it is the exercise I am doing, it seems to be really making a difference. I have even started jogging on the treadmill, only for a few minutes at a time, but it makes me feel great. There is a 5km fun run setting on my treadmill and I think I might set a goal to be able to do it by this time next year. I have never been able to run, even when I was a kid, so it is a huge goal for me to be fit enough to run for a sustained period of time.

Today (Monday) I am spending the day on the couch watching Oprah and Dr Phil and it is just what I need. I am hoping by the time I start my new job in a week and a half I will be so bored I am dying to work again. Right now I am loving this time off, I feel so grateful to have a great new job and a holiday in between. Do you ever stop and wonder how in the world you got this lucky? That is how I feel now.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Exciting News!

This week I registered a 1.1 kilo (2.4 lbs) weight loss which brings me down to 103.7 kilos (228.1 lbs). I am really pleased with that loss considering I had a big loss last week and I have also had a crazy week this week.

On Tuesday night I was offered a new job that I applied for a couple of weeks ago. It is probably no secret that I hate my current job, so to say I am pleased is an understatement. I will now be working as a managing editor, which is a pretty huge step up from my last job. I get my own office and I will get to travel a lot too apparently.

The tricky part is that I am now going to be working for a direct competitor of my old job, so when I told the president of the company on Wednesday morning they asked me to leave by the end of the day and escorted me from the building. I get paid out my 4 week notice period which is great, but the whole thing was a bit upsetting. I was only allowed to tell my colleagues from my department and most people were not happy for me. They were quite hostile and nasty about it actually. I think most of that is probably because they are nervous that I will take confidential information with me to a competitor and some of them are jealous that I now have a better job then them. Anyway, I am trying not to take the whole thing personally, everyone else that I work with have been really happy for me, so that is nice.

So you can imagine that exciting news like this could upset the diet a bit- well I normally use any excuse anyway! On Tuesday night when I found out I got the job I went and had champagne with one of my colleagues, but I only had 2 glasses and then stopped. Then my flat mate suggested my favourite gourmet burgers for dinner as a celebratory treat, but I managed to resist and instead suggested we had home made fajitas which are another favourite of mine and are a lot healthier. Then of course on my last day I had lunch with a couple of friends to celebrate and because I work near Lygon st we had pasta and I managed to order a tomato based veggie filled pasta (instead of my normal creamy cabonara) and I only ate half of it because it was a huge serve.

The coming week is going to be even tougher, tonight I have drinks with friends from work, tomorrow I have a friends wedding, Tuesday I am having lunch with my new colleagues and Thursday my new work are having a cocktail party for all our clients and I am going along to meet everyone.

I just can't afford to drop the ball at the moment, I am only 4 kilos away from being under 100 kilos and traditionally the closer I get to my goals, the more I lose focus. So over the next week I am going to step up the exercise, stay away from alcohol as much as I can, avoid canapes and make the best choices I can when I eat out. I start my new job in 2 weeks and by that time I want to be at my lowest weight of the year and I have 5 and 1/2 weeks to get under 100 kilos. I think it will be tough, but if keep focussed I can do it!

Friday, November 16, 2007

Weekly Weigh In

I jumped on the scales this morning with anticipation because I could just feel that I had lost weight this week. My body felt better and felt more energetic (which is probably just a result of the exercise and fresh foods). I wasn't disappointed and managed a 2 kilo (4.4 lbs) loss this week bringing me down to 104.8 kilos (230.5). I guess some of that was probably the fact that at my weigh in last week I had just eaten a big meal of Mexican, so it was probably showing me higher then I actually was last week.

I am now only 2.1 kilos away from my lowest weight of the year and only 5 kilos away from being under 100 kilos- my biggest goal and something I haven't achieved in years. I have a lot on between now and Christmas, but I am hoping to get under 100 by the end of the year. I will just have to make sure I am sensible at Christmas parties... easier said then done!

The Biggest Loser (US version) is on here is Australia on Friday nights now which is a blessing because it keeps me from wanting to order a pizza because that is just makes me feel too guilty- not that I haven't done it before... I think it is going to be a big help because Friday night have traditionally been my weakness.

There has been lots going on but I don't have time to chat because my boss has the audacity to ask me to do some work this morning- doesn't she realise that Friday morning is my blogging time?!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Tag and Brag

Firstly I just wanted to brag that for the first time in months (years?) I was spot on with my eating all weekend. I made a beautiful home made pizza and even made my own base with wholemeal flour. I also got off my arse and went for a swim and did my Biggest Loser exercise DVD. The best part about it was that it wasn't difficult to eat healthy this weekend because I made sure I didn't deprive myself.

I can't believe how long it has taken me to realise that when I starve myself it only makes me want to binge. Well I guess I always knew that, but I just thought that I should be strong enough to resist. I thought I should put unrealistic pressure on myself to be perfect, which of course I couldn't live up to and I just got fatter and perpetuated a vicious cycle. Even now that I am aware of this it is still difficult to make the right choices. I hope with time it will be more natural for me to feed my body the right foods at the right times.

Now for the fun, the gorgeous and vivacious Livy from The Meanderings of a Woman's Outback Life has tagged me:

Four dishes I like to cook
These are mostly because I like to eat them and so I cook them a lot!

1. Zucchini quiche
2. Pizza
3. Chicken, veggies and gravy
4. Cupcakes

Four qualities I love in people
If only I could be more like this myself...

1. Sensitivity
2. Compassion
3. Sense of humour
4. Wisdom

Four places I have been
Up until recently this list would have been a bit shorter...

1. Queenstown (NZ)
2. Tokyo (Japan)
3. Townsville (Australia)
4. Sydney (Australia)

Four things in my bedroom
I am into uncluttered spaces, so my room is quite bare.

1. Laptop
2. Book on the bedside table
3. Lots of clothes in my wardrobe that don't fit
4. Vibrator

Four dirty words I like to use
Most of these seem to be related to men, not that I hate men or anything...

1. Prick
2. Arsehole
3. Bastard
4. Fuckwit

Friday, November 09, 2007

Friday Weigh In

So today I weighed in with a 100 gram gain, which I was very much expecting and I was just happy to see it wasn't more. I ate out a lot this week, so I tried to counter that with exercise and trying to make good choices when I could. I am dying to see the scales go down, but I am happy to see I can pretty much maintain during busy times of life as well.

This week has been a good test for my 'all or nothing' mentality and I am pleased to see that I managed to make balanced decisions. I am shocked by how hard it is to force myself to eat when my instinct is to try and starve myself after what I perceive as over-indulging. At the same time I find it even harder to stop myself eating once I start. Who would have thought it is so difficult to eat a normal size portion of food and then stop?!

Last night I went to dinner with a friend (Mexican- yum) and then we went to see the band Crowded House, by the time I got home it was quite late and I was starting to feel a bit peckish. My flatmate had left over pizza in the fridge and my natural instinct was to think "well I already ate Mexican food, I may as well eat pizza now". I have to stop and remind myself that just because I ate something less then healthy, it doesn't mean I have to totally go crazy and binge.

Similarly, as I mentioned in my last post, my brother's girlfriend introduced me to Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. After hearing how much I liked them she gave me a pack to take home with me. As soon as she handed them to me my first instinct was to decline them and say that I am on a diet. Then I realised that just because I am eating healthy, doesn't mean I won't ever eat chocolate again. I can take them and eat them next time I feel like I want chocolate.

My main aim over the past few weeks has been to live a balanced life of healthy eating, exercise, work and fun and I think if I keep focussing on that I will be on the right track.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Weekend Ups and Downs

I have had a bit of a upsetting weekend because my brother and his fiance broke up on Saturday. She came here from Canada a few weeks ago (they met online) and they were due to get married on the 1st December. On Saturday she decided she didn't want to marry him anymore. So she has been distraught, she really didn't stop crying for like 48 hours. I picked her up on Saturday and took her to my mums because she doesn't know anyone and has no where to stay. My brother is obviously also devastated and I am pretty worried about him. He has bipolar and can have trouble dealing with things at the best of times. Anyway, I just feel heartbroken for everyone involved, it is so sad. I really thought this would be his chance to be happy.

My eating was a bit average on the weekend, but I'm not really worried about it. I went for drinks after work on Friday and then got maccas for tea when I was drunk. Then on Sunday night I went out for dinner with a friend to South Bank and didn't eat too healthy. I had the most divine dessert- Banoffee Pie. I had never heard of this before, it was a caramel tart with banana slices, whipped cream and shaved chocolate. It was so good, just what I needed as a pick me up! Then I went to visit my other brother and his partner (who is also Canadian) and she gave me some Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. We don't really have these in Australia which is lucky for me because they are so delicious! I swear I would be twice my size if I lived in North America and had access to the yummy junk food you guys have!

I went shopping on Saturday and successfully managed to avoid the greasy food court and instead had a salad from Sumo Salad for lunch. Even better, I didn't feel deprived and it wasn't a hard choice to make- I wanted to get something healthy. I guess I was also inspired by the 2 dresses I bought for the Christmas season. They are both quite flattering and I am excited to find an occasion to wear them! So I didn't eat perfect, but I don't mind because these things happen and I continued to do my exercise and make good choices when possible.

I feel good about the fact that I am not being obsessive about counting calories and I am letting myself enjoy life. I tend to get so obsessive when I diet, I am such an all or nothing person. So I keep trying to think about how I can sustain this for the rest of my life and for me that means splurging every now and then with friends and family because that is real life.

Friday, November 02, 2007

First Weigh In

I am very pleased to announce that after almost 2 weeks I have lost 3.3 kilos (7.2 pounds)! I couldn't believe it when I stepped on the scales and saw that I had lost that much. I feel a huge sense of relief to get that 110 number out of my head. I am now only 4 kilos away from my lightest weight of the year, so it would be great if I could achieve that (and more) by then end of this year.

I am a bit surprised that I did so well considering that last weekend was a bit of a disaster calorie wise. I drank 3 bottles on wine on Friday night and then was so hung over on Saturday I just ate whatever to "settle my stomach". I will definitely be steering clear of alcohol this weekend.

The best thing I did was buy The Biggest Loser exercise DVD. I absolutely love it. I have only done the low intensity work out, but to me that was extremely high intensity. I felt like I worked out every muscle in my body. The best part was that I could do every exercise. A lot of exercise DVDs I have tried I can't physically even attempt some of the moves because I am just too fat and it gets in my way.

In slightly horrifying news, I have been invited to my 10 year high school reunion in March of next year. I knew this was coming, but I didn't think it would be until November next year- when we actually finished high school. I am trying not to panic, but if ever there was a night I will be judged it will be at my high school reunion. It is definitely a bit of added incentive to keep going with the low GI eating and exercise.

Finally, the good news for me is that I now have a 4 day weekend. Tuesday is a public holiday here in Melbourne for Melbourne Cup Day and I am taking Monday off just for good measure. I will try my best to keep eating healthy and exercising because I do tend to struggle a bit without routine.