Peplum Power

My back swelling does not seem to be getting any better and it is severely limiting my ability to dress well. I had a horror shopping experience while trying to find a dress for a party a few weeks ago. I tried on almost every dress in the shopping centre and I couldn't get anything to fit me. Then, literally 2 minutes before the shops were closing, I tried on one more dress at Portman's and finally found something that zipped up and also covered my back swelling. Thank god for the peplum! The little frill at the back managed to mostly mask the little humpback I am sporting from my body lift surgery in November.

Who knew it was possible to have clothes that fit properly in all the right places??? There is not a single day where I am not so thankful to have had body lift surgery. I will happily take back swelling to finally have a flat tummy, a waistline and breasts that stick out further than my stomach.

Now I just need to hope that this peplum trend sticks around for as long as my back swelling does!

Almost Famous

I am sure you all know by now that I am kind of a famous. I presume you all saw me staring on Masterchef last night? Here is a reminder in case you missed it...

I am the little head behind Matt Preston's shoulder

There is me in the white with my sister-in-law

OK, so you may have just missed me... my fifteen minutes of fame hasn't arrived yet.

In mid-December I was invited to participate in the Masterchef audience for one of their restaurant challenges at their new location in Melbourne. Can you imagine how excited I was??? Not only do I love Mastchef, but I got to watch the challenge, eat the food and ogle Marco Pierre White-- it was my perfect day!

The only stressful part was when the waiter would put the plate of food in front of you and a massive camera would be shoved in your face to film you eating. I am not graceful enough to manage that sort of pressure. I pretty much just pushed food around on my plate until those nasty cameras moved away. I have way too many fat girl phobias left to be filmed shovelling food in my mouth on national TV.

It was a very long and hot day, but I loved every second of it. The food was (mostly) amazing and we were given vast amounts of delicious wine as well. Maybe too much wine because I was sporting a bit of a hangover at work the next day, but it was worth it.

Pssst... here are some photos that I very sneakily took on the day (no cameras were allowed)...

The Masterchef kitchen/set

Me outside the Masterchef building

The famous red vespa!

Bits and Pieces

I am too tired to form sentences or paragraphs today so here is what is going through my head this morning...

• God damn it, my plantar fasciitis has returned with a vengeance and I am in a world of pain. I am going to have to go back for another cortisone injection through my heel, but just typing that nearly made me vomit. Sob.

• Here are some pictures of me on Cinder's blog with some fellow bloggers and awesome ladies from last week. Love those girls!

• My friend had a party at a croquet club a few weeks ago and the poor old gentleman who was teaching us to play could not work out why I couldn't get my technique right. He was most embarrassed when he realised it was be cause my huge boobies were in the way and I had to play 'side saddle' for the rest of the game.

Before I changed my technique

• In less than 4 weeks I will be holidaying in Thailand. Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!

• In preparation for my trip to Thailand I had a Brazilian laser hair removal treatment. I normally get my face, legs and underarms done (which I highly recommend) and I haven't had too much of a problem with pain or discomfort. Doing the Brazilian I had to get quite cosy with my laser technician as she got all up in my business. When she got to the most intimate bit of my lady parts I had to ask her to stop for a minute because the pain was too much. Oh wow. That is a sensitive area! It was all worth it though and I will be back for a follow up session.

• I found this old photo of myself when I was at home over Christmas, I think I must have been about 12 maybe??? Oh my god, I was not an attractive kid, I like to think of myself as a late bloomer...

• My current food obsession is Tasti D-Lite. As if I didn't love ice cream enough and now I can get all sorts of amazing flavours for 70-90 calories. Oreos n' Peanut Butter I will be seeing you on Friday night!

• Speaking of peanut butter, I have had to keep mine in the freezer because I cannot stop dipping into the jar at all hours of the day and night. Unfortunately, I now know from experience that there is nothing sadder than a desperate woman hacking away at a frozen jar of peanut butter with a massive knife. I also know that frozen peanut butter is even better than normal peanut butter. I need an intervention!

• I made this bacon and vegetable slice the other day and it was delicious! My changes were to omit the 1/2 cup of oil and parmesan and exchange the white flour for wholemeal flour. Great meal for easy work lunches.

• We had a fire drill at work today and look who is the floor fire warden. I am not at all happy about this responsibility or the headgear!

Not impressed!

That is about all I have today, now I am going to go outside to the park and enjoy the sunshine.

3 Months Post Body Lift

I can't believe it's been 3 months since I had my body lift surgery! It feels like a lifetime ago and my life is pretty much back to normal after the major surgery. The worst is definitely over, but I do still have a long way to go before I will see my final results. Sometimes I get impatient because I just want my body to feel and look normal now, but I know it will be worth the wait.

So here is where I stand at the 3 month mark:

Pain
I can move around pain free 90% of the time now and the pain I do experience is just tenderness, almost like a bruising feeling. The pain mostly only comes from the areas I had lipo: my hips, back and outer thighs. My scar area is still quite numb and it only hurts if I stretch too far or itch it by accident.

Exercise
I started exercising again around about 2 months after surgery and have been exercising steadily since then. I can still only do gentle exercise like walking, toning, stretching and weights. Any time I try to jog my hips, back and thighs hurt a lot. It doesn't matter because it's not like I was into running before I had the surgery, it is just tough when I try to run for the tram or after my brother's dog because it feels like someone is beating me up. The one thing I am looking forward to is when I feel well enough to do Pilates again, it is going to be awesome to do it without my stomach falling in my face!

Swelling
I still have a significant amount of swelling on my lower back. I carried a lot of weight there and the surgeon had to do a lot of lipo in that area so I am hoping that in time the swelling will go down. I had hoped that the swelling would have gone down more by now and I do get a little frustrated, but I know I have to be patient. I guess my fear is that the the area isn't swollen and that maybe it is just still fat. I have a follow-up appointment with my surgeon in a month so I will be able to find out whether it is swelling, fluid or fat. I think my hips and outer thighs are also still swollen because they feel soft, spongy and sore. I know it sounds weird that I say 'think' but it is quite hard to tell what is swelling and what is wobbly bits!

Scars
I am really happy with my scars, they are thinner than I thought they would be and have exceeded my expectations. Given that I am covered in stretch marks, scaring was really not a concern for me! I am just thrilled that I have had no trouble with the wounds splitting or hurting so I count myself lucky. I am still wearing silicone tape on my scars that my surgeon recommended I wear for as long as I can as apparently it helps with scarring.

Mentals
As usual, the hardest part of any process is getting the mental side together. I felt I was 100% ready for the surgery because I have wanted to have it for a very long time. Regardless, it was still hard to know what to expect because there isn't a lot of information out there on the body lift surgery. I am exceedingly happy with how my surgery went and my results, but sometimes the evil voice creeps into my head and says horrible things. It tells me that I should be embarrassed I spent so much money on surgery because I am still fat and saggy. I am slowly learning to shut down that evil voice and love my body and treat it right. Finally knowing that my body deserves to be loved is the first step.

Here are some photos taken just a couple of minutes ago, after walking the dog on this hot and sweaty night... no glam shots here!

My poor swollen back... and arse crack for your pleasure...

From the side

Front on-- I am not sure why I look so depressed!

And fully clothed, just so I look normal in one photo!

A reminder of my before photo to put these in perspective

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For more information on my body lift surgery see here. Feel free to leave a comment or send me an email if you have any questions!

Saddlebag Success

I did a massive closet clean out after I had my body lift surgery and so I am pretty low on most basic wardrobe staples. I am trying to wait until all my swelling goes down before I spend much money on new clothes, but some coolish weather this weekend had me dashing to Target for a pair of cheap jeans to wear to an Australia Day party.

Yeah, jeans shopping when you are in a hurry can be not very fun... the only thing worse would probably be swimsuit shopping. Lucky for me, most of the jeans Target had were all sorts of crazy bright colours, so my choices were limited. I am all for coloured jeans on other people, but I am not ready to go there just yet. So I picked up the only pair of normal blue jeans in a size 14 and said a little prayer as I walked into the fitting rooms.

It was actually a really weird experience even trying them on. As soon as I got them up to my calves I thought they were going to be way too small, they just didn't feel right. I am used to having to buy jeans that are really big around the waist to get around all that loose skin on my stomach and that are consequently way too big around the bum, hips and legs. So finding that I had to wiggle my way into jeans was bizarre. Even weirder was that once I got them up they actually fit me perfectly in all the right places and no muffin top. I finally understand why people enjoy wearing jeans!

When I got home I showed AJ my new purchase and marvelled to him how they fit me so well around my legs and waist. His comment, while pointing at my thighs, 'Is that what they call saddlebags?'. Lucky for him that I am so excited about my new curves that I am the only woman in the world who doesn't mind being told she has saddlebags!!!

Me in my new jeans (a terrible photo that makes it hard to even see the jeans, I need to fire AJ as my photographer!)

About 9 hours of sangria later I pass out on my brother's couch, but at least my jeans are comfortable!

The 'No Diet', Diet

I hope I wasn't misleading on my last post when I talked about finally learning to love my body the way it is now. I do love my body how it is, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to try and lose a little bit of weight...

You see, after my body lift surgery I spent November and December eating like it was my full time job and I did gain some weight. Due to the body lift surgery and liposuction the weight has come back onto my body a little unevenly. I still have a flat tummy, but my back, arms and thighs have really chunked out and I feel like I look a bit out of proportion. I really just want to lose enough weight over the course of the next year so that I can fit comfortably into my size 14 clothes and have a fit, toned and well-proportioned body.

I don't know how much weight I need to lose in kilos because I don't actually know what I weigh, and (for once) it's not because I am in denial, it's because I just don't feel like the number on the scales will mean much to me. My body changed after my surgery and my old goal numbers no longer hold the same meaning, so I took this as an opportunity to start fresh and not worry about the scales. That doesn't mean I won't weigh myself occassionally, I just don't want to do it regularly and attach my self worth to the numbers I see. I will know I am where I want to be when my clothes fit again.

So I am feeding my body good foods and exercising most days, but nothing extreme, I am just focussed on taking it slow. It is really hard though because I automatically want to cut all carbs, starve myself, allow no treats and beat myself up if I miss exercise for a day. I know that this sort of behaviour gets me nowhere, but it is a pattern that is hard to break. I am going to Thailand in about 7 weeks and normally I would want to switch into full diet mode and try and lose as much weight as possible before my holiday. So I am making sure that I don't start dieting again by remembering all the reasons why dieting is evil:

• I gain all the weight back immediately
• It is not healthy for my body
• Being hungry sucks
• Eating diet food is miserable
• There is nothing wrong with me the way I am
• Being on a diet makes me a boring person

2013- New Year, New Me

It's about time that I catch up with all the other bloggers out there and start talking about my goals or resolutions (or whatever you want to call them) for 2013. Most years around this time I am excited to be getting my healthy eating back on track after the holidays and looking forward to finding new ways to lose weight and keep it off. I'll be going carb-free, doing meal replacement shakes or proclaiming I will create a balanced healthy lifestyle... while at the same time continuing to binge eat and then starve myself in punishment.

This year is going to be different. No, seriously, it really will. I feel like a different person after my body lift surgery. Not only did the surgery change my body, it changed the way I think about food and my body. I can honestly say that I am quickly learning to love my body. I no longer feel ashamed and disgusted by how I look. I look in the mirror before I shower and marvel at my body- imperfections and all. I know that some people might think it is crazy that I had to have surgery to achieve this, but those who have had masses of excess skin might understand how I felt.

So now that I am loving my body for the first time in my life, I feel a strong urge to treat it kindly and fill it with nutritious foods that make it feel strong and healthy-- even fruit and legumes, which my old carb conscious self would never eat. The urgency to diet and lose weight has gone and it just feels natural to me now to eat well. I look at the foods in the chart below and want to eat them so that my body will feel good and look good (let's not forget that I am still vain!). That doesn't mean I don't still want to eat pizza and ice cream sometimes, I just don't feel the need to eat it all of the time.

Source

It is the same with exercise, now that I don't think of exercise only as a torturous way to lose weight, it doesn't seem quite so awful. With the excess skin gone I can see how exercise changes my body, so it makes me want to do toning exercises to see the muscles in my body and get a tight bum! Being able to see and enjoy the results of exercise makes it seem worthwhile. Not to mention that filling my body with nutritious food makes exercising much easier, I have more energy to get up in the morning and workout.

This change in thinking doesn't mean that I have gone to the other extreme and become an exercise and healthy eating machine. I want the changes I am making to be sustainable and for me that means they have to suit my lifestyle and be enjoyable. So I am back to getting up and doing a quick 20-30 minute toning session in the morning before work with stretching, weights, bands and floor exercises (the exercise ball too once my back swelling goes down). Then (weather and time permitting) I will walk part way to and from work, which is 2.2 km each way. Mix this up with walking my brother's dog in the evenings occasionally and I have enough exercise to keep me fit and healthy, without it having to be a chore and ultimately something I will give up.

So far this all feels quite natural and I am enjoying it, but I am aware that it might get harder once the excitement of my new body dies down and I start picking new flaws or once winter sets in or once I start getting sick of quinoa... Not to mention that I have 32 years of disordered eating to contend with so I know it won't always be this easy but I am committed to treating my body with love and kindness.

10 Weeks Post Body Lift

Like I say most weeks in my body lift surgery posts (am I getting repetitive?), I am feeling better and more normal this week. I think it helps that I am back in the swing of work, exercise and developing a routine again. I do still have swelling on my lower back (I hope it's swelling, otherwise I will need revision surgery), I am tender on my hips and I am numb around the scar. This is all pretty normal at this stage of my recovery, I have to remember that I am only 10 weeks out from a major surgery and everyone recovers differently.

The big excitement for me this week is that I finally started to cut back on wearing my compression garments. Last week I stopped wearing them to bed and this week I also felt ready to stop wearing them during the day too.

Best things about not wearing my compression garments:

• I can wear a bra again- no more mono boob
• Also, wearing a bra means I am having less awkward 'headlight' moments... if you know what I mean...
• I don't have to wash and dry that sucker every day
• I don't have to dress like I am in a conservative religion now that I don't need to cover my full length garments
• It gives me an extra 5 minutes in the morning now I don't need to stuff my sausage body in that tight contraption and every extra minute is precious in the morning
• Less chaffing. No, not thigh chaffing, lady part chaffing. The opening the suit had for going to the bathroom caused some major chaffing issues when I was walking any distance. TMI?
• I don't feel like a sick person anymore and mentally that helps

Of course the less fun part about not wearing the garment is that I don't have anything sucking me in and making me look skinnier. I guess that part is up to me now!

Me a couple of weeks ago in my compression garment

Happy 2013 (Finally)

I think this picture taken of me as the new year began really sums up my 2012... one sparkler aglow, the other fizzled out...

2012 was filled with many life changing and crazy moments that were both good and bad. I don't want to bore you (or me) with a long recap, but the short version of my year is this:

• Brother got married in Byron Bay (I was a bridesmaid and organiser)
• I applied for my first home loan, bought a block of land, chose a house design and began building a home
• My rental apartment was sold and I had to move
• The job that I loved ended and I had to go back to my old job which I do not love (and pays a lot less)
• My mum had a heart attack (but is ok now)
• I celebrated acknowledged 3 years with the lap band
• I started on anti-depressants to help with my anxiety and depression
• I gained about 15 kilos and then I lost them again
• I had some fun times
• I had body lift surgery

Listing my year in dot point like that makes it all seem so much easier than it was!

It was a big year and I can safely say that I am happy to see the back of 2012 and excited about what 2013 is going to bring. So far on the horizon for 2013 is:

• A two week holiday to Thailand
• Enjoying my new body without the loose skin
• The completion of the home I am building
• Looking for a more fulfilling job
• Lots more fun times with friends and family

9 Weeks Post Body Lift

Dare I say it... I am feeling a little bit more normal this week. I have even started back with some light exercise, nothing major, just some light walking. I tried to jog a couple of times when walking with my brother's dog, but it really felt uncomfortable on my outer thighs where my surgeon must have done some lipo. It kind of felt like someone was hitting my thighs with a bat, not pleasant at all.

I have also started sleeping without my compression garments. It has been so hot that one night when I woke up dripping in sweat I decided to take my garments off. Ever since I stopped wearing them to bed I haven't had any night sweats and I have been sleeping better. Next thing will be weaning myself off wearing them during the day, but I am not quite there yet...

I know I haven't posted many before and after pictures of my body lift just yet (apart from these). It is obviously a hard thing to do and I would feel more comfortable if the 'after' pictures I post have me looking a little more awesome than I am looking right now. In the meantime, here are some photos taken on Monday night. You can really see the swelling on my lower back and the weight gain on my upper back and chest. I am hoping now that I am back at work and in a better routine that I can gradually lose some of the post-surgery weight gain so my body will be better proportioned.