Home Again

I'm back in Melbourne, back at work and back in the real world. Wouldn't it be nice to be on holidays forever...

I feel a bit lost because so much of my energy has been toward this holiday and now it is over and it feels like the day after Christmas. I need some new things to look forward to. We don't even have any more public holidays in Melbourne until Melbourne Cup Day in November.

I'll leave you with a few photos from the day in Milford Sound- a truly remarkable place. The photos cannot come close to showing the beauty and magic of this place.

We caught a bus at 7am and didn't get back until 7pm so it was a long day. I was so sick on the bus (motion sickness) we nearly caught a helicopter back to Queenstown because I didn't think I could handle the trip home, but it was going to be over $1000, so I sucked it up and got back on the bus! It was worth it in the end because we had a cruise down Milford Sound and it was lovely to get some fresh air and take in the beautiful scenery.

Quick Hello

Today is my last full day in New Zealand, I leave to go home to Melbourne tomorrow afternoon. I'll be sad to leave and especially sad to go back to work! I must admit that being on holidays can be exhausting, I think I need a holiday to a tropical island just to recover from this holiday!

I'll write more when I get back, but I'll leave you with a few photos taken yesterday from the top of the Ben Ohau Mountain Range near Mt Cook. I took a helicopter flight over the mountains and glaciers and this is where we landed. It was truly amazing!


Me in front of the helicopter- the blades really freaked me out!


The view from the top- hard to capture how awesome it was in a photo!


Me playing with the soft snow- I couldn't feel my hands for about 10 minutes after that!

Photo's from NZ!

Hello from freezing cold Queenstown, New Zealand!

I am having the best time of my life! Things started off well when my seatbelt on the plane fit me easily and the food tray could fold down. I was more nervous about that then flying! I had a pretty painful flying experience with my cold. My ears amost exploded and it looked like I had 2 black eyes until we landed from my sinuses going crazy from the pressure. I am just starting to feel better now, but I haven't let my cold stop me from doing anything- the medication does make me a little drowsy though...

We arrived in Christchurch around midnight and checked into our gorgeous hotel. I was too excited to sleep, so I walked about the city for a couple of hours. I noticed police everywhere and it wasn't until the next day when I saw the paper that I could see why!

Saturday morning my first mission was to seek out the Ezibuy outlet store. I looked on the map and it seemed like you could walk there... 2 hours later... It also didn't help that I got lost. Anyway, I got myself the hottest bra ever, I am tempted to post a picture of how sexy my boobs look in this bra, but no one needs to see that! So I followed that with some great buys from a shopping mall near by- who knew you can buy so much cheap fat clothes in NZ, much cheaper then Australia! I got 2 knit tops for $20 each, black pants for $40, black singlet top for $10 and silver ballet slippers for $40. I could have bought lots more too, but I stopped myself.

My hotel rate included a free buffet breakfast. There was everything you could imagine and more. The first 2 days I made a pig of myself and suffered for it after, finally on morning 3 I learnt my lesson and had a light breakfast of toast and fruit and I felt so much better! At least I learnt eventually...

Sunday we spent the day in Akoroa, a gorgeous little sea side town about an hour and a half from Christchurch. After recovering from my car sickness we wandered the town and ate home made fudge and fish and chips. The scenery was just lovely (you'll get sick of hearing me say that!). Then we drove back through Lyttleton, another cute little sea side town.


Me on a pier at Akoroa

Monday we drove to Queenstown and below are a few snaps from our 8 hour car trip (with lots of sight seeing in between):


The big salmon (?) in Rakaia


Morning tea in Geraldine, or should I say, me stuffing my face...


Lake Tekapo- much more beautiful then the photo suggests!


Lunch in Twizel, I just had to take a photo because it is such a funny name for a town.


We finally arrived in Queenstown and this is the view from my hotel balcony- beautiful!


This is me eating poutine, I saw it on the menu and just had to try it because we don't have it in Australia and my brothers Canadian girlfriend is always talking about it. It was yummo! And yes my cheeks are really red from the cold!


Hot chocolate and a kiwi- what more could you ask for on a NZ holiday?!


This morning at the snow. Oh my god it was fu*king cold!!!


On the way down from the mountain- and if I look green it is because those roads were really scary!


After all that snow I needed some wine to warm me up at a local winery


...And food


Then tonight I went on a gondala ride- and yes I look a little scared!


Then to a traditional Maori Haka show and guess who got dragged on stage to participate even though I hid my head in my hand bag pretending to look for my camera when they were calling for volunteers... I got a photo with a couple of the people from the show after.

So that is about it for now. Apparently it might snow in town tomorrow, I will be so excited if it does because I have never seen snow fall from the sky. I have heaps planned for the next few days and i'll post more photos when I get back. I hope you like the photos! I have always been to scared to post photos, so i'll probably remove them next week.

I have eaten so much lovely food and drunk beautiful NZ wines, but I have also walked everywhere, so I am not too worried. I have done so many things that I would normally be too scared to do or try. Every time I see a 'safe' option I make myself try something new and I haven't regretted it once. I hope that I'll continue to live my life this way once I finish holidays.

I think I might go for a walk for some more hot chocolate- I can't get enough! Good night, I am missing all your blogs terribly and can't wait to catch up. :-)

Come Fly Away

The day I have been waiting for has finally arrived... I will be boarding a plane to Christchurch, New Zealand this afternoon! I am all packed and ready to go. I have my New Zealand money, my passport and my clothes laid out. My phone, camera and laptop are charged. I bought some new slippers and flannelette pyjamas for those cold New Zealand nights. Hotels and car are booked.

Only problem, I woke up yesterday with a raging cold and today I feel miserable. I have that blocke-up-head-about-to-explode feeling. I am dosing myself up on drugs, so I am sure I will be fine. It is lucky that I booked nice hotels because I might be spending the first couple of days in bed watching movies and ordering room service!

I haven't had a cold since the day I started my new job over a year ago. Since then everyone at my work has had about 5 colds each and I have never caught one of them. I only seem to get sick when big things are happening. I get so nervous and excited that I seem to make myself sick! The flu has been going around a bit here lately too, but at least I know I won't get that because I had my flu shot a few months ago.

Anyway, sickness aside, I am really excited about this holiday. I have never been overseas or even on a holiday, so I am practically jumping out of my skin with excitement. I am spending the first 3 nights in Christchurch, the next 4 in Queenstown and the last 2 back in Christchurch. I won't be doing all that extreme sports that most people got to NZ for, it's not really my thing. I'll be extreme pampering and eating instead!

Holiday Goals:
Lose 10 kilos- tick
Fit into black winter jacket- tick
Fit into black trench coat- tick
Fit into jeans- tick

It Is Official, I am a Fu*kwit

So last night i went out to dinner with a few girlfriends and had some wine. Then we decided to go to a club. We danced and had a good time. I got REALLY drunk and for some reason left the club on my own. I tend to wander off when I get drunk, so that is not too unusual, but my friend had my purse. So I got into a taxi with no money, keys or phone. I am a bit hazy with my memory here, but the taxi driver was seriously dangerous. I think I must have realised I didn't have any money and he decided to get payment a different way... He took me to Footscray, which is the opposite direction of where I live (and dodgy) and said he was taking me to his place and wouldn't let me out of the taxi. All I can remember is screaming and crying hysterically the whole time to let me out. This went on for about an hour or so and eventually he let me go near my house without hurting me. I think my hysteria and begging freaked him out. I remember looking at the meter as I scrambled out of the taxi and it was well over $100, which I obviously didn't pay. After this whole experience I was totally sober again, fear seemed to have sobered me up.

It gets worse.

So now I can't get into my house because I have no keys (my flat mate is at his family home 4 hours away). I can't call anyone because I have no phone and I can't go anywhere because I have no money. I tried reverse charging calls to friends, but I don't know any ones numbers and directory service didn't have any of their numbers. It is now 4am and raining and freezing cold and I am really scared. I call the police and they say they might send someone to try and help. Then a weirdo walks past and offers to help (keep in mind I am at the pay phones outside the commission flats in Fitzroy- not a safe area). So the weirdo offers to smash my bedroom window to get me inside. I take him up on this offer and he smashes the window with a piece of wood from someones picket fence. He gets in and then lets me in the front door.

It gets worse.

The weirdo won't leave my apartment. He has decided that since he helped me (which I am really grateful for) that he is going to stay at my place. I am getting increasingly scared and panicked. Then the police turn up thank god. The police physically remove him and he is really angry at me and screaming. The police leave. The weirdo comes back and can get in because the window is broken. Now he decides he's not going to leave unless I give him money. Fine, but I have no money. My friend has my cash and my eftpos card. I have a credit card, but I don't even know how to get cash out on it. He doesn't believe me and I am just doing my best not to make him angry. So I am scared out of my mind. This goes on until 6.30am, we are just going back and forth, me asking him to leave, him telling me to give him money. Eventually I tell him that I will pay for a taxi to take him home if he will leave. So I call a taxi and give the driver my credit card and he says he will charge me $90 for the trip. Fine, whatever, just take him away.

So he is finally gone. It is 7am and the sun is rising. I lock the door and start moving my bed in front of the broken window and put my mattress up against it to try and secure the apartment. 5 minutes later someone knocks at the door, I am petrified, thinking he has come back. Luckily it was my friend with my purse. They had gone to a hotel with some guys doing god knows what, with god knows who. I just about broke down with relief to see her. She gave me my stuff and they left and I went and lay down on the couch. I was too scared to sleep, so I just watched some old tapes of Grey's Anatomy to try and calm down. Then I got really hot and noticed I had a weird blotchy rash all over my body and I had to have a cold shower to try and cool down (keep in mind it is winter here). I think it was just shock or stress. A guy is coming to fix the window tomorrow, I am not sure if I will be able to sleep tonight, I just don't feel safe. This is not a safe area to live in to begin with.

Anyway, I am sitting here watching Sleepless in Seattle and drinking apple juice to soothe my sore throat which is raw from screaming and crying. I just feel like such a fucking idiot for getting myself in this situation. I should never have left the club alone, or got in a taxi alone (I had an incident last year in a taxi and vowed not to get in a taxi alone at night again) or let some weirdo into my house. I am just grateful I got out of this situation unhurt, god knows how. I used to get myself into shit like this when I was 19 or 20, but I am 26 now, I really should know better. I will not be putting myself in a position for this to happen again, I have learnt my lesson once and for all.

Another Kilo Down

Yay! I somehow managed to lose another kilo this week, bringing me down to 104 kilos (228.8 lbs). I don't feel like I deserve it after the weekend I had, but I am happy to take it. I know all of the damage from last weekend might not have settled in, but hopefully I'll burn that off next week. It feels like double the victory this week because I have really started to lose motivation and almost everyday, at ever meal, I considered going off plan. So I have clawed my way through the week and I couldn't be happier that I made it!

I went shopping last night with mixed success. I could really feel the difference in some of the clothes I was trying on and depending on which shop I am in I range between a 20-24. I actually went to Big W, which I rarely ever do, and they had some really cute tops for $25 (the tops i buy from Myer are normally $90 at least!). I found their sizes to be quite small (well that is my excuse anyway...), but I recommend a look for any larger sized ladies out there with a Big W close by. I was just a little disappointed that I still struggled to fit into a lot of nice things or that they just looked awful on me, but miracles don't happen over night.

I am going out with some girlfriends tomorrow night. I have mentioned before that since I have gained weight I am not a fan of hitting the clubs on a Saturday night, I would much prefer dinner and some wine at a restaurant, some beers at the pub or even going to a nice bar. Night clubs are just not the friend of the fat girl. I'll just have to have quite a few vodkas to try and loosen up so that I can dance off some of the calories! Now what the hell am I going to wear...

NSV: Going to a shopping centre at dinner time and not eating from the food court or indulging in my biggest weakness- pink iced donuts from Donut King. Phew, can't believe I got through it!

Close Call

I came close to totally losing it over the weekend. It started off with my normal Friday night pig out on a burger and chips. Every time I get it I say "next time I won't get the chips, I don't really need them" and then I still get the chips because I can't say no to chips.

Then Saturday night I was supposed to go out with some girlfriends in Geelong (about an hour away), but it was cancelled. Unfortunately I had booked a non-refundable hotel room, so I still went with another friend. We went out for dinner at an Indian restaurant and I had prawn saag, onion bhaji and garlic and coriander naan, a bottle of red wine and then waffles for dessert from a chocolate shop. It was delicious and I don't really mind pigging out when I go somewhere nice and have a good time. It wasn't even about the food as much as having a nice night with a good friend.

As usual I took it too far. Sunday night came around and I got the 'I don't want to go to work tomorrow blues', so a friend and I went for a late night drive and got McDonalds (the new homestyle beef burger is really yummy!) and then Krispy Kreme donuts.

I always take things too far, I would have been so proud of myself if I could have just kept my blow out to Saturday night, why I had to make it a weekend eating extravaganza is beyond me.

The good thing is that I put a stop to it. On Monday I came close to getting fish and chips for tea and I stopped myself. I knew without a doubt that if I kept eating shit food this week that I would totally lose it and keep eating crap until my holiday. I even started to rationalise eating crap in my head, telling myself that maybe I should start eating before my holiday because I have been on a (mostly) liquid diet and my body will need to get used to eating food every day. Gees I can come up with some stupid excuses! Anyway I managed to stop myself in the end, but it was a close call. Now I am afraid of the scales on Friday!!!

Another 1.5 Kilos Down

So as you can see I have lost another 1.5 kilos, bringing me down to an even 105 kilos. I am excited about this, but still feeling cautious. Why is it when good things are happening I get skeptical? I happily take all the bad and say that I deserve it, but when good things happen I don't feel like I deserve it. I am looking at the scales the last 2 weeks and wondering what is wrong with them because I could not have possibly really lost that much weight. Don't get me wrong, I am happy, I am just scared to get too excited.

I was going to take a photo of myself on the scales this morning as per Fat Bridesmaid's challenge, but I am not a morning person and the whole idea of getting my camera out at 7.00am to take a photo was just too much for me. Maybe I'll be more organised and do it next week.

NSV: Today in Australia is Jeans for Genes Day and for the first time in the history of this charity day I am actually wearing jeans! Being a fat person who carries most of their weight around their middle make it almost impossible to find jeans that fit. Stretchy topped pants are the saviour for a body shape like mine because my legs and bum are literally 2 sizes smaller that my stomach. In the past I have made up all sorts of lame excuses for not wearing jeans like "I forgot" or "they are in the wash". Last year I told everyone at work I couldn't because I had a board meeting and it would not have been appropriate, which was technically true, but still just another excuse. To everyone else at my work wearing jeans is just a normal thing they do almost every day, for me it feels like a massive victory. I feel strange wearing jeans because I haven't done it in about 3 years, but for the first time in a long time I feel normal and like I fit in.