Real Women

Privileging one body type over the other — no matter which it is — perpetuates this concept that all women must conform to one figure and that, depending on the decade or culture, the alternative is “gross,” “unattractive,” or in this case, “not real.”  

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I know we are all sick to death of the 'real women' debate. That whole crazy thing where some people started declaring that curvy women are real women and skinny women are somehow not as real. Obviously that is ridiculous and we are all real women it doesn't matter what your size or shape is. This says it all a lot better than I ever could.

More and more women are reclaiming their curves and I feel like every day I am reading or hearing about some woman and her spectacular rounded breasts, hips, thighs or bums. We all wants curves like Kate Winslet or an arse like Kim Kardashian or breasts like Salma Hayek because apparently this makes you more womanly and sexy. Of course skinny women are saying that this isn't fair and they are beautiful and womanly too.

The thing about this debate that has really irritated me from the start is that it completely ignores those of us who are bigger, but aren't curvy. It goes without saying that society says that thin women like Jennifer Aniston, Charlize Theron and Reese Witherspoon are beautiful (and I agree). Then everyone jumps up and down and says what about the curvaceous women like Adele, Christina Hendricks and Nigella Lawson, so then we all agree that they are also beautiful. So what happens when you are neither skinny or curvaceous? You are left feeling bad that you have failed at being thin and failed at being curvy.

I have grown up my whole life being so envious of my friends who complain about their hips because I just wanted to know what it would be like to have hips, waist or breasts that are defined in anyway. The only part of my body that is rounded or defined is my stomach because it sticks out further than any other part of my body.

When I was at my biggest I couldn't fit into most plus size clothes because they allowed for hips, thighs, bum and breasts that I did not have and looked ridiculous on me. Now that I have lost weight and should fit into 'normal' sized clothes, I still can't because I don't have a waist and my stomach pops out further than my breasts. So clothes shopping ends up being just one more avenue for me to feel less than womanly because of my shape.

Can we all just please agree that beauty has nothing to do with size or shape?

Source

Body Lift Costs

On Friday night I received the written estimate for my body lift surgery from my surgeon. They had given me a preliminary figure of $12,500 so I was feeling pretty good about that amount and I was making plans to go ahead with the surgery.

Unfortunately the actual figure for the surgery has turned out to be more than I expected and is in excess of $20,000 out of pocket. I don't know the exact figure because they couldn't quote me on the anaesthetist. So it was quite a big blow when I got the letter and I must be honest and admit that my eyes did well up with tears for just a few seconds. I obviously will not be able to raise that kind of money and I just can't see when I ever will be able to raise that amount of money.

I know that a lot of people will tell me to just keep saving and I'll get there, but in order to fully disclose why this is not possible I will let you know that I am currently in the process of applying for a home loan to buy a house for my mum in the country. She will be living in the house and not able to pay rent as she is on a disability pension and does not have any money (it is a long and complicated situation). I am her carer so this is something I want to do for her, but it will be a massive expense for me on top of paying my city rent. At the same time, I will be taking a $20,000 pay cut at work next month due to the contract on my current role finishing. So as you can see, there is literally no way I can raise the money.

I guess I am just extra disappointed because when I thought the surgery was a possibility I realised I wanted it even more than I thought I did. I spent the week fantasizing about wearing normal sized clothes, doing yoga without my stomach suffocating me and not being mistaken for a pregnant lady every week. Not to mention all the less savoury problems that comes with having an apron stomach, which even I am too embarrassed to detail!

I am frustrated at myself for so many reasons, but I am mostly disgusted that I caused so much damage to my body that I require such extensive surgery. I wish that I could just get over the excess skin problem like so many other people that have lost weight, but I can't seem to do that right now. The only thing I can do is cancel my private pity party and focus on the fact that I have lost 50 kilos and my life is immeasurably better already. Oh, and buy lottery tickets!!!

Not Hiding

I am feeling quite chunky lately after gaining about 5 kilos from my happy place of 77.5 kilos. Generally when this happens I don't want to talk about it, or god forbid, take any photos. Well, I am trying to break the cycle and not be a complete hermit while I enjoy my own fat little pity party. So here are some photos of a lovely (alcohol heavy...) night out I had with my family last weekend. Of course I still reserve the right to only post flattering photos of myself!

Me at home getting ready- note the bag of donuts to the right of the photo, oh the shame!

AJ on a ferry from Williamstown to Southbank looking like he is about to be run down by a cargo ship

Me and my younger brother after AJ tried to make us pose like we are a happy family

My older brother and his gorgeous partner at dinner

Me, AJ, my brothers and their partners on Southbank

Me and my younger brother's fiance (they are getting married next month!)

Plastic Surgery Consult #2

I had my first consult with a surgeon about skin removal a couple of weeks ago and was told that I wasn't suitable for a tummy tuck and I would need a body lift. This was a massive blow because I knew the body lift was a far more serious and expensive surgery. So today I went to see a surgeon who came highly recommended to get information on a body lift.


Anyone not familiar with what a body lift is exactly, here is a photo from a US surgeon's website showing a fantastic before and after result. You can see how it differs from a tummy tuck because the incision goes all the way around the body in order to remove the apron stomach and the side and back fat and skin. I would be thrilled with results half as good as that!

Body lift before & after example

FYI this is not me: image taken from this website

The surgeon I spoke with was great and I would feel completely safe in his hands, so if I decide to go ahead, I will definitely choose him. He specializes in reconstructive surgery after massive weight loss and, by all accounts, he is the expert in the area.

He put me at ease right away when he congratulated me on being able to get my BMI under 30. He said that most patients he sees who had a BMI over 45 (like I did) are unlikely to get their BMI under 30, even with surgery. He didn't mean this in a discouraging way for those of us who have/had high BMI's, he just understands the complexities that come with being morbidly obese. I wish my lap band doctor was this understanding...

The surgeon said that I am an excellent candidate for a body lift and he felt he could get good results for me. The surgery would involve him cutting all the way around me and removing a band of skin that is about 10-15 cms wide. The cut would start on my pubic line and go up over my belly button and then pull down the skin and stitch it together. This would also pull up my bottom and thighs to smooth them out a little bit too. This works better for the outer thighs though and I don't have much (if any) excess skin or fat on my out thighs because I have a body shape like a man! He also body sculpts with liposuction to create a waist and remove any excess fat.

What makes my surgery a bit more complicated is that I not only have the apron stomach and arse shelf to be removed (oh, how attractive that sounds), but I have hanging skin around my middle roll of fat too. Apparently this skin has actually sagged down from my chest and is creating a short torso and long chest appearance. This won't be rectified by a body lift and he will have to do additional surgery to fix this problem. This is called an upper body suspension and is a technique he has pioneered where he attaches mesh to my chest wall and stitches the skin to it to hold it tight and smooth. If he doesn't do this he won't be able to achieve smooth results around my torso.

We spoke about a breast lift and he felt it would be best to wait until after the stomach and chest surgery to see how my breasts finish up. Apparently I don't have droopy boobs (yay!), but it is a matter of seeing how they look after the body lift.

I asked him if I should try and lose more weight before the surgery and he said that it wouldn't make any difference. I was so happy with that answer that I could have kissed him!!! He said my stomach muscles were tight and to just continue doing what I am doing now.

One little piece of information he gave me was to stop taking vitamins. Apparently a lot of them can cause bleeding and other complications so he has a blanket rule of no vitamins before surgery. The funny thing is that I had finally decided to take my vitamins properly in an effort to get more energy. I can't say I am too disappointed because taking vitamins is so annoying...

For those of you who are interested, I'll list some of the information the surgeon gave me below in dot point:

• Operation will last approximately 5 hours
• Hospital stay would be 4-5 nights
• I would need anywhere between 2-6 weeks off work
• Medical certificate will be given
• Risks are uncommon
• All revisions or complications are covered by Medicare 
• No vigorous activity for 6 weeks
• No driving for 2-4 weeks
• 6 weeks before I can take an international flight
• 6 months before all the swelling will go down completely
• 12 months for the scar to fully heal
• Will lose 5-7 kilos of 'tissue' (fat, skin, fluid)

OK, so now the million dollar question... how much will it cost? Unfortunately I don't know yet because they have to put together a special quote for me. All indication I had from my research was that I was up for a minimum of $20,000 out of pocket. If this is the case, I will obviously not be having the surgery because it is an unrealistic amount of money for me to find. The assistant at the surgery said something about a provisional quote of $12,500 plus hospital costs... fingers crossed that the figure is close to this because that doesn't seem as completely impossible. I may not be able to do it this year, but hopefully one day...

Just knowing that the surgery was possible and that it could help me has already made me feel so much better. Today I felt hopeful for the first time in my life that I could have a normal body and stop feeling like I am disfigured-- I truly hope that doesn't offend anyone because this is just the way I feel about myself, no judgement of anyone else.

Bridesmaid Shoes

On a much less whiny note than my last post... shoes! We went bridesmaid shoe shopping last night and all decided on these glitzy little numbers to match the dress. The best part is that they were only $30, I was so excited because I never get bargains when I shop and was fully expecting to fork out about $200.

OK, so they about 4 inches higher than I have ever worn, but they aren't too bad. Certainly not as bad as some of the massive stilettos the girls were trying on and saying were comfortable. I admit to having a mild panic attack at one point when we were trying on barely there 6 inch stilettos, I tried to hide my nerves, but the bride noticed and was patting me on the back saying 'it'll be ok'. All I can say is thank god for wedges!

I modeled the shoes for AJ last night when I got home because I think he was skeptical about my ability to walk in them. He was shocked and literally exclaimed that they made my legs look so long and skinny... well therein lies the reason women wear high heels. I might just become a convert!