Thursday, August 27, 2009

All Good

Sorry if I sounded down in the dumps earlier this week. I don't mean to be such a downer all the time, I try to be brutally honest and sometimes it comes across being more negative than I intend.

I am not actually doing all that bad, if I do say so myself! I have been going to the gym 4-5 times a week all this month and it really doesn't ever cross my mind not to go. I have also being doing great with my eating, last weekend was just a slight blip on the radar. The good thing is that I always knew I would be ok. I just made a few impulsive and stupid food decisions, and that is ok, one thing I will never be is perfect.

I haven't been weighing myself, so I really don't know how all that is going, but I weigh in on the 1st of the month, so time will tell. I haven't noticed huge changes in myself or my clothes, but I don't really expect to at this stage. When you are as big as I am, it takes about 30 kilos before noticeable changes start to occur. As weird as it sounds, as soon as I get to 99 kilos, I suddenly get everyone noticing my weight loss. That is still a while off...

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My blogging and commenting has had to take a back seat because work has gone and blocked access to blogger, how dare they? I don't tend to get online at night anymore because going to the gym takes priority and I find when I turn the computer on it just sucks hours of time away. I am working from home today and taking the opportunity to get onto blogger!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Food Hang Over

Why is it that when your eating goes bad, all aspects of your life tend to unravel? I have been eating terribly for the last 3 days and somehow in those 3 days, I have also spent more money than I have in months. I am scared to get on the scales and I'm scared to check my bank balance right now! I did none of the things I had planned to get done over the weekend and my life feels disorganised and cluttered at the moment.

I also feel exhausted because my sleeping has been terrible and I am lethargic and completely unmotivated to do anything. I feel puffy and greasy and it makes me wonder if this is how I used to feel all the time and I just didn’t realise it. No wonder being fat is so freaking hard. I am drinking lots of water and eating lots of fruit today and heading to the gym tonight to shake off this revolting food hang over.

Up until the last few days, I hadn’t really tested the lap band to see if it had much restriction, turns out it doesn’t! I have been relying on will power for the past few months, but that all came crashing down around me over the weekend, like it always does eventually. So I obviously need to get some more fill put into the band and try to get this thing working.

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On another note, where have all my favourite bloggers gone? There are so many bloggers M.I.A. at the moment and I miss you! Please come back and let us know how you’re going. Don’t make me start naming names… ;-)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Band Update

I guess it is time for an update on how the lap band is going, for those of you who are interested. I got a 1 ml fill put in a couple of weeks ago, taking me up to 5 mls in a 10 ml band. The week after having this fill I wasn’t able to keep any food down at all and even having a smoothie was difficult. So I went back to the doctor on Monday and had half a ml taken out, so I am now back to 4.5 mls. So far, so good at this level. I can’t say that my hunger feels particularly satisfied at this level, but at least I have stopped bringing up my food. I am going to take getting fills very slowly from now on, I refuse to be put in anymore situations when I am eating with people and feel something get stuck. It is embarrassing and not pleasant. I ruined a perfectly nice drive along the great ocean road last weekend by getting a strawberry stuck and having to stand by the side of the road trying to bring it up for 30 minutes. Why did I eat a strawberry when I knew I couldn’t keep anything down? Because I am an idiot.

Since I have been banded over the last couple of months my diet has been very healthy, full of fresh vegetables, fruit and lean meats. It really is the healthiest I have been eating for years. Last week I went to the blood bank to donate plasma and they did the usual tests and noticed that my haemoglobin levels had dropped significantly since I last visited. They said if I was doing a normal blood donation that they would have to send me away because they are too low, but because I was donating plasma I was ok. When donating plasma they take the blood out and remove the plasma and platelets and then put the blood back in you, kind of a creepy and long process. Then last Friday I had a call from a doctor who had tested my blood and found I was dangerously low in iron and a few other technical things that went over my head. They are sending my results to me to take to my doctor for a proper review and apparently I can’t donate blood for at least 6 months.

The doctor who called me from the blood bank asked how I was feeling and if I felt more tired than usual. Of course I am freaking tired, who isn't? I guess I better get googling on ways to increase my iron levels. Have any other lap banders had this problem?

Monday, August 17, 2009

Blah Blah Blah

That is how I feel right now. Just blah.

I feel like I have nothing to say about anything. My life revolves around going to work and going to the gym right now. I am trying to eat healthy and save money. There is nothing interesting about any of that.

I just feel like staying in bed and being left alone at the moment. Going to work has been a mammoth effort, if I had any sick days left right now I would be taking them.

I am not really feeling down, just uninspired.

Maybe it is Seasonal Affective Disorder?

I need to get out of this slump and stop being so miserable.

Life's really not that bad.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

I kneed advice*

When I got off my flight back from the UK a couple of weeks ago I had quite severe pain in my knee, presumably from not moving for 24 hours and sitting awkwardly in that small space. The pain has been persistent and when I googled "knee pain in flight" it became apparent I was GOING TO DIE. So when I went to the doctor to get some scripts re-filled I mentioned it and he diagnosed me with bursitis of the knee. It isn't serious, just annoying more than anything, mostly because it is getting difficult to exercise.

I am lucky enough to have never had knee problems and I really don't want to start now. I have been plagued with foot/heel problems (mostly because of my weight) and it really gets in the way. Despite my sore knee, I have been going to the gym 5 times a week and this really hasn't been helping. The doctor told me not to go to the gym for a week, but of course I smiled and said yes, then walked directly into the gym. The idea of not going to the gym actually scares me. I know that seems crazy because I have only been back at the gym for a couple of months and prior to that it had been years since I stepped inside a gym. I just know how easy it is for that switch to flick in me and never to go back- it has happened to at least 3 other gym memberships I have purchased in my time.

Since I have continued going to the gym I have managed to strain my hamstring and back on the same side as my sore knee because I have been moving awkwardly in order to protect my knee. So I have finally given in and realised that I need to have a break from exercise. I am sure there are lots of things I can still do that won't put strain on my knee and hamstring, but I haven't really thought of anything yet. Anyone got any ideas? Boxing? Swimming?

* I am sorry for that bad pun, but you know how hard it is to come up with titles.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

August Weigh In

I weighed myself this morning for my first day of the month weigh in and I am 114.5 kilos, which is exactly 1 kilo up on last month. I am actually really happy that it wasn't much worse than this because I spent 3 weeks of the month not exercising and eating out for 3 meals a day. In the past I have been known to go away for a weekend and gain 4 kilos, so to only register a 1 kilo gain during my 3 weeks away is amazing.

I didn't think that my lap band was really giving me any restriction while I was away, but perhaps it gave me more restriction than I realised. I was often leaving quite a bit of food on my plate, but that was generally because the food I was eating really wasn't that nice and I couldn't be bothered eating it when it wasn't to my taste. Maybe pre-lap band I would have kept eating it anyway, I can't recall too many times in my life when I have gone out for dinner and left food on my plate, so this thing could be starting to work.

I am feeling good about the general direction the scales are going in, but at the same time I have lost interest in what they say at the moment. I find it hard to celebrate the same old numbers that I have been seeing while going up and down in weight over the past 10 years. I really don't think the scales will excite me at all until I finally get under 100 kilos and stay there.