So I can tell from looking at all of that there that must be some changes. I can tell you my body is a lot more roly poly and stretch marked than the virtual models though! I think it'll make all the difference if I can just get another 10 kilos off. I remember way back when I was last under 100 kilos and it was when I started to have a bit more shape to my face and body and clothes started to fit better. So I just have to keep working at it. Here's to getting the next 10 kilos off and keeping them off!
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
It is strange, all week I have focused on seeing 107 on the scales and then the scale totally skips it and goes to 106- suits me though! Now I have 3 weeks to lose 3 kilos. It is doable, but I have to make sure I don't drop the ball.
Tonight is my break night and I can't wait. It has turned out to be very beneficial to have this day to look forward to because I have had a bit of a shit week at work and I would have broken my diet and pigged out for sure 15 times over if I didn't have this day to hold on for. Not sure what I am going to have, probably BBNT (Melbourne burger place, stand for Burgers, Burritos, Nachos & Tacos). I actually prefer Grill'd or Urban Burger, which are a couple of other nice burger places, but my flat mate is driving and he prefers BBNT. Who cares, I just want a burger and chips!
I think after we are going to go for a drive to visit my mum who is not very well and on the way get donuts from a drive thru donut place to take to my mum and gran and of course I might have one or two... I have been craving a pink donut like crazy because of all The Simpsons Movie posters and ads everywhere that feature that big pink donut- my absolute favourite! It is pretty sad when you start craving cartoon food!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
I ended up going out after work last night for drinks. I wasn't planning on it, but I had a terrible day at work and I wanted to de-brief (bitch) with some colleagues. I am slightly annoyed at myself though because I spent far too much money and drank way too much and I didn't even have fun. I was so angry after the way a colleague spoke to me earlier in the day that I couldn't relax and I didn't even get drunk. I should have just gone home and watched a dvd and I would have felt a lot better. Oh well, it's done now.
I think I might just accept the fact that on Friday nights I am going to either go out and drink with friends or go home and watch a dvd and eat a pizza with my flat mate. I am sick of feeling guilty for doing this, but they are my favourite things to do on a Friday night after a long week of work. I am just going to allow myself to relax on Friday nights if I want to and stop feeling like a failure who can't control herself.
Taking this into account I have decided to change my weigh in day to Friday mornings, this gives me the longest possible time to get my weight back in control. I am not sure if that is cheating or not?! This also works in with meeting my weight loss goal that is set to finish on the morning I leave for my NZ holiday on Friday 17th August. So I have 4 weigh ins to go and I am hoping to lose 4.5 kilos, but I will be happy with 2 or 3 (that is what I am telling myself anyway). Mostly I would just like for my clothes to fit me, some of the are so close, but not quite there yet.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
So what do I do? I eat non stop for the past 4 days.
Every time I feel good about myself I just seem to get too excited and totally drop the ball. I have heard people call this self-sabotage, but I am not sure if this is the case for me. I am so happy when I lose weight and feel confident and have so much fun, why would I do this to myself? Maybe there is a deeper reason for it, I just wish I knew what it was.
I think I have pulled myself into line today, hopefully I haven't done too much damage. I might put off weighing myself for a little while though, I don't need to see that shit.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Blogging Community Involvement Award
which says I Have The Power Of Schmooze.
schmooze or schmoose also shmooze - v. intr. To converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make a social connection.
The extended definition is this:
The natural ability “to converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make a social connection.” Good schmoozers effortlessly weave their way in and out of the blogosphere, leaving friendly trails and smiles, happily making new friends along the way. They don’t limit their visits to only the rich and successful, but spend some time to say hello to new blogs as well. They are the ones who engage others in meaningful conversations, refusing to let it end at a mere hello - all the while fostering a sense of closeness and friendship.
According to Marshmallow, I supposedly:
(have) become a great friend of (hers), and always writes the sweetest comments even when the topic is so incredibly mundane and (she) begin(s) to think that (she) should be throwing this blogging thing in altogether. And (I) trusted (her) enough to completely mess about with (my)Blogger template thing. ...that takes a lot of guts.
Here are the five people I think have The Power Of The Schmooze:
Marshmallow- Marshy was a huge support and great friend long before I started blogging (even though we have never met) and she has continued that support while I have been blogging. She always leaves thoughtful comments and gives great advice because she has been there and done that. Not to mention all the help she has given me with the actual blogging process!
Christine-Anyone who has been to Christine's blog has seen her gorgeous smile and the comments she leaves seem to exude that same sunshine and happiness. Her comments always make me smile!
Mellisa- Mellisa is very compassionate, I think she has been through a lot and it has made her not only tougher, but very empathetic. Not to mention she has already lost a stack of weight and looks after a family and a business- wow!
Megan- Megan is a sassy chick and she is doing an awesome job with her weight loss. She leaves really supportive comments and just has a great attitude to weight loss and life!
Abba- I can really relate to Abba's weight loss journey and her comments are just like her blog, honest and right to the point. She really tells it like it is and doesn't make excuses, she is real and I really understand where she is coming from.
I know some of you guys have already been nominated- and for good reason, but I still wanted to let you know how much your comments mean to me. I initially started doing this blog for myself, just to have an avenue to write down my feelings and thoughts about weight loss (and not bore my family and friends with it). I have been pleasantly surprised that anyone would read this, let alone leave thoughtful, kind and supportive comments. It means a lot to me, so thank you!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
It has taken such a long time that I have almost forgotten what it was to be that weight and it is hard to see any changes. I know that there must be huge changes because at 128.5 kilos life was getting increasingly difficult. I was struggling to walk short distances, get up the steps of a tram, wash myself in the shower, shave my legs and do 'stuff' in the bedroom.
When I was at my heaviest I had absolutely no self confidence, I felt worthless and I hated myself. I was scared to do anything, I never went out and finding clothes was almost impossible. It was such a horrible lifestyle and I never want to go back. The way I am taking I sound like I now weigh 60 kilos and have lost all of my weight instead of only 1/3 of what I need to lose! I know I still have a long way to go, but for today I might celebrate how far I have come.
Monday, July 09, 2007
I first tried Optifast in February of 2006 when I was at my heaviest weight of 128.5 kilos and feeling pretty lost and desperate. I lost 13 kilos in 8 weeks to get down to 115.5 kilos. Since that time I have hovered around that weight, sometimes gaining a couple of kilos and sometimes losing a couple of kilos. I am proud to say that I have kept that weight off for over a year, which is something I have never done before.
For those of you who are not familiar with Optifast, it is a liquid diet, replacing all 3 meals a day with shakes, soups or bars, as well as 2 cups of vegies a day. You can buy these from the chemist, I pay A$38.50 for a box of shakes that lasts me a week. They call it a Very Low Calorie Diet (VLCD) for dietary management of obesity. They even sent me a pen that says that- not exactly a pen I ever want anyone to see me using! ;-)
So the first week of doing this diet I was starving and not feeling 100%, but now my body has adjusted to the extreme diet I feel fine. I am not hungry all the time anymore- except when I see a pizza ad on TV! The good thing is that chocolate cravings disappear because I am eating/drinking chocolate every day in the form of shakes and bars. I know a lot of people find the taste of the shakes revolting, but I actually don't mind them and feel very full after drinking one. I have a shake for breakfast, a bar for lunch, 2 cups of vegies for dinner and a shake for dessert. Exercise is not necessary on this diet, but I am doing walking and strength training to keep strong and fit.
I do this diet for 2 reasons. Firstly, it is fantastic to know that I will lose weight on this if I do it correctly. I know every week when I get on the scales I will register a loss and it feels fabulous. Secondy, it eliminates food from my mind and life. As a food addict I am obsessed by food. I think about it all day long, when I am going to get it, where I am going to get it from, making sure I have enough and I get angry if someone stops me from being able to get the food I want. I am literally addicted and as an addict sometimes it is best to eliminate the 'drug' from your life totally.
I am hoping to stay on this diet until I get under 100 kilos (having a break when I go to NZ of course). I know that a lot of people have had bad experiences on these gimmicky diets and they are definitely not for everyone, but right now I am feeling good and I think I am doing the right thing for myself.
***Braces for criticism***
Saturday, July 07, 2007
I'll be implementing the new design on Monday 9th July at approximately 6am Melbourne Time (GMT +10:00), or Sunday 8th July 5pm Greenwich Mean Time. You can go to a Time Zone site and find out what time that is for you.
So if there are any bugs or things looking a little funky, you can let me know after I've unleashed the new look at email@example.com.
Aside from that, I hope you'll all like the new look - I had great fun working on it. :-)
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Marshmallow has very generously offered her time and skills to give this blog an individual and stylish look. I have had a sneak peak and it is looking fabulous.
Those of you who read Marshmallows blogs already know how talented she is when it comes to computers and I have been very lucky to have her help me through this whole confusing blogging process- I don't know what I would have done without her!
Monday, July 02, 2007
This morning I was able to button all the buttons, it was quite tight and the buttons were gaping, but they were closed. I was wearing a thin jumper and if I had of tried to sit down I am pretty sure it would have split, but still a victory!
So now I just need to lose a few more kilos and it should actually fit me.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
I am going through a bored and un-motivated patch. I am not just talking about weight loss either, I mean life in general. I have spent the last 2 weekends laying on the couch in my dressing gown. I could go places and see people, but I just don't feel like it. I'm bored, but there is nothing I want to do.
I am looking forward to my holiday in NZ, then I get all negative and think that it is only 9 days and after that I am just going to go back to work and everything will be the same. Even when I look forward to the weekends I wonder what the point of getting excited is because it will be over really quick and it will be Monday again and I will have to go back to work.
I think the problem is that I have now been working full time for 18 months and I have hit a point where I wonder if this is how it is going to be forever. Am I going to work 5 days a week, 8 hours a day for the rest of my life and if so, what is the point?
I just don't understand how I can do this for the rest of my life, I always wanted more than this. I am stuck in a bland routine of getting up every morning feeling exhausted, showering, walking to work, doing the same job, walking home, cooking dinner, watching tv, going to bed.
I guess it doesn't help that I am a bit miserable at work at the moment. My job is not challenging and everyone treats me like a moronic slave. I snapped and made a sarcastic comment to a colleague who told me to book a restaurant for her the other day (I said "It would be a joy") and she told my boss that I have a bad attitude and I got in big trouble. I can barely look at the stupid bitch now because prior to this incident I thought we were friends, but she made sure she put me in my place.
I just can't stand the hierarchy of me doing all the work, making sure everyone else looks good and them getting pay rises and promotions. I thought this job was such a great opportunity and I guess it is, but there is only so long I can take being treated like nothing. I have worked so many crappy jobs (factory, retail, supermarket, call centre), but I have never been talked down to and treated with so little respect by my colleagues.
I need to make some changes in my life, I am not sure how to go about this yet. I don't know what I want out of life, but I am pretty sure this isn't how I want it to be. Should I get a new job? Should I move to the country, to London? Travel around the world?
Sorry if this sounded like a huge pity party. I am just feeling frustrated. Maybe I am having a mid life crisis... ;-)
So as not to be a major sourpuss, here are 5 things I am happy about:
- Geelong won the footy (8 in a row- Go Cats!)
- I have eaten healthy all week
- My favourite show is on tv tonight- Big Love
- My boss is away next week
- I'm alive!