Friday, September 28, 2012

Friday Weigh In - 28 September

Highest Weight: 129.7 kilos (285.3 lbs)
New Start Weight: 87.5 kilos (192.5 lbs)
Last Week: 76.7 kilos (168.7 lbs)
Today: 76.2 kilos (167.6 lbs)
Loss: 0.5 kilos (1.1 lbs)
Total: 11.3 kilos (24.8 lbs)
Goal Weight: 72.5 kilos (159.5 lbs)
Finally I see the scales go down again! I worked my arse off this week so that made seeing a loss even sweeter.
Once again, I let myself go a bit much on the weekend, but I did try very hard to rein myself in and not lose the plot completely. I think the fact that I managed to lose half a kilo means that I was kind of successful, but there is definitely room for improvement. I actually have a quiet weekend ahead so I am going to do my absolute best to make the most of it and hopefully see a new and exciting number on the scale next week- 75 kilos I am coming for you!

Even though Fridays are usually all about the scales for me, I do also have a little non-scale victory to share. Yesterday morning I decided to be brave and try on one of the dresses that I used to measure my size on. If it ever got too tight then I always knew it was time to cut the carbs a bit and ramp up the exercise. In June this year I also tried it on and could barely get it on, let alone get the zip done up. I was mortified because this was the dress I used to wear when I was feeling a bit plump because it hid lots of sins and now I couldn't even get it on (or off, but that is another story...). So I was extremely happy when I slipped it on and very easily did the zip up yesterday before work.

Put your sunglasses on because the shine on my forehead is dazzling!

Getting this dress on is just a start and now I have to work on the rest of those pesky items in my wardrobe that are taunting me with their size 14 and 16 tags. Not least the dress I just bought for Derby Day and will be required to zip up by the 3rd of November or else I will cause a scandal at the races by attending naked. I will be praying to the god of love handles that the dress zips up in 5 weeks from now. It's going to be touch and go...

Friday, September 21, 2012

Friday Weigh In- 21 September

Start: 87.5 kilos (192.5 lbs)
Last week: 76.5 kilos (168.3 lbs)
Today: 76.7 kilos (168.7 lbs)
Loss: +0.2 kilos (0.4 lbs)
Total: 10.8 kilos (23.7 lbs)

I knew this week would be the straw that broke the camels back and I wouldn't be able to escape a gain on the scales. My weekend was just non-stop eating and drinking from Friday night to Sunday night. In my defense there was a lot going on and I didn't eat or drink anything different from anyone else... which is a sucky defense because you really can't lose weight by eating and drinking like everyone else (at least not my friends and family anyway!).

So I have lost less than 1 kilo in the last month now. On the one hand I am disappointed at myself for such a poor loss, but on the other hand I am pleased with myself that I haven't gained weight while I have been letting loose a bit. I guess it would be fine if I was in maintenance, but I am still determined to get this final 15 kilos off before my body lift surgery so now is not the time to be letting loose.

It is exactly 2 months and 1 day until my body lift surgery and I have 4.2 kilos to lose to meet my goals. It doesn't sound that difficult, but I have social events on every weekend until then and I am not good at saying no to a glass of wine... or to carbs when I have had a few drinks!

I've had a pretty quiet 12 months while I have dealt with my anxiety and depression and a lot of family issues too. Now that I am dealing with those issues, and I have managed to shift some weight off, I am really enjoying getting out and doing new things and being social again. I just have to find a way to have my cake and eat it too!


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Costume NSV

One of the more annoying things about being fat was dress-up parties. I hated them with a passion and would do anything to avoid them. When I couldn't get out of them, I would just be the dull person who turned up without a costume and make up some lame excuse. I always felt awful because the host would be disappointed by my lack of costume and I felt like I was missing out on the fun.

So when my sister-in-law told me she was having a 1920's themed party for her 30th birthday my first reaction was horror because I knew that I couldn't get out of this one. I tried to ignore the whole costume thing for as long as possible, but when my sister-in-law started emailing me links to costumes I knew I had to face up to it. I checked the measurements on the costumes and confirmed that they were all too small for me. Damn it.

I spent days trawling through the internet trying to find a costume that would fit and I finally struck gold. One of the costumes went up to a size '18' and the measurements appeared to fit me. So we all ordered our costumes and I was so nervous about trying mine on when it arrived. I wanted to take it home and try it on in private, but everyone else was putting theirs on and screaming with delight at how funny they were. So I braved it... and it ended up being way too big for me!

I couldn't believe it, I had checked the measurements perfectly before I order it, but it was like wearing a tent. I have no sewing skills at all (and no interest in sewing) so I got AJ to take care of it for me and he ended up taking in about 4 inches from each side. How could the measurements be so wrong?

On the day of the party Connie and I got our makeup done and then we all did our hair and had cocktails while us girls got ready. It was so amazing to be involved with all the fun and silliness of dressing up. It was a fantastic party and I didn't really feel self-conscious about my size or my costume the whole time. This was up there with one of my biggest non-scale victories!

Of course I have some photos...

Me (right) and my two sister-in-laws posing as 1920's ladies

Me showing how my dress flaps, but really only demonstrating how my arm flaps!

AJ dressed as a gangster and me as a flapper

My two brothers

Me accidentally setting the birthday cake on fire...

Looking scared about the toxic drink I was being poured

No cup, no problem...

Then I gracefully pass out while everyone else stays up late and sings karaoke

Friday, September 14, 2012

Friday Weigh In- 14 September

Start: 87.5 kilos (192.5 lbs)
Last week: 77.1 kilos (169.6 lbs)
Today: 76.5 kilos (168.3 lbs)
Loss: 0.6 kilo (1.3 lbs)
Total: 11 kilos (24.2 lbs)

Woo Hoo! I am so excited to have broken through past 77 kilos and see a new number today. I wasn't expecting much of a loss today because I had a bit of a crazy weekend that involved way too much food, alcohol... and fun. I worked my arse off this week to repair the damage and I am thrilled that I made some progress.

The good thing about having some fill taken out of my band last week was that I was able to eat lots of salad and veggies again and I think my body really needed it. AJ, however, complained that he is 'so over salad already', which is a slight problem for him because salad season only just started!

I have another busy weekend coming up with my gorgeous sister-in-law's 30th birthday party. I have taken today off work so we can both go and get massages and facials and then tomorrow we are getting our make-up professionally done to get all glammed up before the party. I feel very spoilt and excited about everything coming up in my life at the moment. I'm so very grateful for everything I have after a really tough 2 years (sorry for being so corny!).

Some photos below from last weekend at my friend's birthday at a burlesque bar. From the cocktails and shots in my hand you can see it was a very big night! The hang over I had Sunday could only be cured by Solo and KFC...

I love this photo because I think I look kind of creepy like The Joker!
The yummiest shot I have ever had... if only I could remember what it was...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Balancing Act

I have been having trouble with the latest fill in my lap band since June. It goes from being too tight to drink water and then back to a good level that leaves me feeling satisfied with small portions of food. I have persisted with this level of fill because it felt so great to not be so hungry all the time, but then after another week of barely being able to eat or drink I gave in and went to get some fill removed on Friday.

I asked for only 0.1 mls to be removed and so I should now have 5.8 mls in my 10 ml lap band. This is only according to my calculations because for some reason they are very cagey about telling me what they take out and what I have left. I find this quite patronising because I don't like having information about my own body hidden from me as though I am not equipped to handle it.

Since the unfill I have been able to eat quite easily again and I went out for dinner on both Friday and Saturday nights with no problem. Well, except from the little problem where I ate and drank way too much and made a total pig of myself for the whole weekend. I am back on track after an indulgent weekend but now I am starving all the time again. I have gone to bed feeling hungry every night this week and even woken in the middle of night still feeling hungry.

So now I back to this familiar spot where I have to choose between being able to eat and drink (but constantly feeling hungry) and having a band too tight to eat (but not feeling hungry). I just can't manage to ever get to that sweet spot in the middle. I can't cope with not being able to eat (obviously) so I am just going to have to go back to the old fashioned way and learn to deal with my hunger so I can get off these last 5 kilos. I must remember my upcoming body lift surgery every time I want to reach for the snack draw!


Friday, September 07, 2012

Friday Weigh In- 7 September

Start: 87.5 kilos (192.5 lbs)
Last week: 77.3 kilos (170 lbs)
Today: 77.1 kilos (169.6 lbs)
Loss: 0.2 kilo (0.4 lbs)
Total: 10.4 kilos (22.8 lbs)

It may not seem like much of a loss, but after the weekend I had, I am just thrilled to see any downward movement of the scales! Now I just need to keep my shit together for the next week and I could be seeing an all new low. Though that may be easier said than done because I have quite a big Saturday night planned for my friend's 30th birthday. It's one thing to have a night out with lots of champagne, but my problem is the hangover the next day when I feel the need to have carbs shoved into my mouth all day long.

I am so glad that I have lost the bulk of the weight I wanted to lose during winter because now that spring has arrived my weight loss will probably be much slower. After a very quiet winter being attached to my couch and doonah, I seem to have a lot of social events that will involve yummy food and wine between now and my body lift surgery on 22 November. I figure that I may as well make the most of it now because I'll be missing out on a lot of the summer fun due to my surgery recovery.

Speaking of spring, I am excited that we are headed toward warmer weather because I may have complained once or twice about how cold I am now. The only problem is how crazy and unpredictable the weather is during spring.

Here is my gorgeous and sunny walk to work in the morning...

Followed by me being absolutely saturated in the evening while out walking the dog with my sister-in-law...

I won't even get started on what the wind is doing to my hair... what a mess!

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Major Diet Fail

I completely and utterly lost the plot this weekend. I lost all control with my eating from Friday night and I didn't stop until I was in an icecream coma on Sunday night. It seems that every time I get to my current weight I am plagued by two different kinds of self-sabotage.

Firstly I find it very difficult to break past 77 kilos. It is one of those numbers that my body seems to sit very naturally at and doesn't want to budge. I am wondering if the fact I didn't lose any weight last week messed with my head more than I thought. Maybe I decided that since I didn't break 77 kilos (yet again) that I should just give up.

The other thing I do is that I start to feel better about myself. I start to think that this weight is OK and I just want to go out and enjoy life and stop being a party pooper who says no to champagne and cake. Obviously there is nothing wrong with having confidence and feeling good in your body, but I know I just want to lose a little more weight and I don't want to give up so close to the finish line.

I always wondered if self-sabotage is a real thing when it comes to dieting. All I want right now is to get to my goal weight, so why would I possibly sabotage that? I have no idea, but I do know that this happens more than enough times to just be a coincidence. Or I am just a REALLY slow learner.

Strangely enough I am not beating myself up too badly for my terrible eating this past weekend. I know that slip ups happen (and will always happen for me) and that is OK as long as I pick myself up and keep going the way I know I should.

So far, so good this week.