Balancing Act

I have been having trouble with the latest fill in my lap band since June. It goes from being too tight to drink water and then back to a good level that leaves me feeling satisfied with small portions of food. I have persisted with this level of fill because it felt so great to not be so hungry all the time, but then after another week of barely being able to eat or drink I gave in and went to get some fill removed on Friday.

I asked for only 0.1 mls to be removed and so I should now have 5.8 mls in my 10 ml lap band. This is only according to my calculations because for some reason they are very cagey about telling me what they take out and what I have left. I find this quite patronising because I don't like having information about my own body hidden from me as though I am not equipped to handle it.

Since the unfill I have been able to eat quite easily again and I went out for dinner on both Friday and Saturday nights with no problem. Well, except from the little problem where I ate and drank way too much and made a total pig of myself for the whole weekend. I am back on track after an indulgent weekend but now I am starving all the time again. I have gone to bed feeling hungry every night this week and even woken in the middle of night still feeling hungry.

So now I back to this familiar spot where I have to choose between being able to eat and drink (but constantly feeling hungry) and having a band too tight to eat (but not feeling hungry). I just can't manage to ever get to that sweet spot in the middle. I can't cope with not being able to eat (obviously) so I am just going to have to go back to the old fashioned way and learn to deal with my hunger so I can get off these last 5 kilos. I must remember my upcoming body lift surgery every time I want to reach for the snack draw!

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