Thursday, October 30, 2008

November Challenge

I have set myself a challenge for November to only eat food from home (that I have bought from the supermarket, I don't slaughter my own meat). I have to admit that this is just as much about saving money as it is about being healthy. One of my biggest expenses is food, I love to eat so much that I find I spare no expense when it comes to food. Lately I have started to buy my lunches at work and I get home so late that it is often a take away. If I have a spare night I like to go out for dinner and by the time I order my food and drink a bottle of wine my bill is quite high- not to mention my calorie count!

So you may have noticed that I have avoided talking about dieting for a while and you can probably guess the reason. Just in case you can't, I will tell you that I have been a sloth and I haven't cared. I am a bit unhappy at the moment due to some work issues and it makes it hard to give a fuck about whether or not I should be eating a snickers bar. I have had the hunger really bad too and I am just ravenous all the time. I can really feel the weight gain every where.

Last night I made some small progress when at 8.30 pm I decided to get up and go for a walk around my neighbourhood. It was only a 20 minute walk and wouldn't come near to negating any of the shit food I ate yesterday, but it is a step in the right direction.

I am donating blood tonight after work, so I should lose a half a kilo of blood. I wonder if they'll let me come back every night for the next few weeks and maybe then I can make it to my 2008 goal weight...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Tag, You're It!

I was tagged by Marshy for the 6 random things tag. I have enjoyed reading everyone else do it so I thought I should join in. Anyone who hasn't done it should have a go!

6 (not so) interesting things about me...

1. I have no skills and I am not good at anything. I can't play an instrument, sing, dance, play sport, paint or speak another language. Seriously, I am useless.

2. My mum married my dad and had my older brother when she was only 16. My parents later divorced (shocker) and she has now reverted back to being 16 again. I guess she feels like she never got to be 16 properly the first time or she doesn't know how to a single adult. This has been going on for the last 5 years and is highly annoying.

3. Some of the jobs I did before I worked professionally were: supermarket checkout chick, factory hand at a fruit factory, retail assistant in a plus size shop and in a call centre for the Yellow Pages. These jobs taught me more about life and people then any of my professional jobs and as much as I hated them at the time, I now look back on them fondly.

4. I dropped out of my honours degree in women's studies when I only had half a credit point left to finish. An opportunity came up for me to study for my Masters in Publishing and I couldn't do both so I dropped out of my honours. I moved to Melbourne from Geelong to do my honours (as women's studies was cut from my old uni) but I hated it because it was such a conservative course and I much preferred the radical feminist course I did in Geelong. I don't regret it for a second (though everyone thought I was crazy), I do regret that I am still paying that fucker off though.

5. Things I hate that most people love:
* My birthday- Too much attention makes me feel uncomfortable.
* Summer- Same reasons as Marshy.
* Animals- Well I don't hate them, I am just a germaphobe and don't like them to touch me.
* Coffee- I have never drunk it and I figure I don't need anymore bad habits.
* Tomato, mushroom and pumpkin- This is why I could never become a vegetarian because most vego meals feature one of those.

6. My first real kiss (with tongue) was with a girl. I'd go there again.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Playing Dress Ups

So these days Australia is getting all American and celebrating Halloween, which sounds like fun because I mean who doesn't like eating lollies and chocolate?! Well my little brother's Canadian girlfriend (who lives in Australia) started a tradition a few years back of throwing big Halloween parties. Every year I cringe and think 'what the fuck am I going to wear?'. Being a sexy kitten isn't exactly cute when you weigh over 100 kilos.

The first year I told my brother's girlfriend that I would just come and help set up but not stay for the party. Of course I ended up getting smashed (because hanging up decorations is thirsty work). So I painted my face green (using her green body paint because she was a ninja turtle) and wore a witches hat and called that a costume.

Last year I just avoided it all together. I may try to avoid it again but she is coming over to my place this Sunday to cook us all a belated Canadian Thanksgiving feast (she sure likes to be festive...) so if she pushes me to go I am going to have to come up with something. Her and her 3 (skinny) girlfriends are all wearing some lycra super hero costumes, thanks god she didn't try to include me in that. It is not an option to be a piker and not dress up because these people take dressing up seriously.

I considered just going with it and poking fun at my fat and dressing up as a contestant from the biggest loser. Or, I have this outfit I wear that consists of a tight black singlet top and tight black leggings- I then put on a loose wrap dress over the top so it looks quite nice in the end. Before I put the wrap dress on I always look at myself in the mirror and laugh because I look like an obese brunette version of Olivia Newton-John in that final scene in Grease! The problem is that I won't know 95% of the crowd and they are all cool, young hipsters and it might just look more tragic then funny.

This isn't my first dilemma with costumes, I couldn't count the number of parties I have avoided or given lame excuses for not dressing up (I came straight from work, I am going to another party after, I had to catch public transport...) because I am embarrassed to dress up. I can still remember when I was 10 we had to dress up as our favourite fairy tale character at school and I went as Gretel from Hansel and Gretel. Only one other girl in school dressed up as Gretel and she was the tallest and skinniest girl at school and everyone laughed because there was a 'fat Gretel' and a 'skinny Gretel'. Not only that, but just to rub salt in the wound, 'skinny Gretel' won the best costume competition even though my costume was better then hers, she just looked cuter in it. So now have this paranoia of looking like the 'fat version' of something or someone.

So what is a fat girl to dress up as for Halloween? What have you dressed up as in the past (bonus points for photos!)?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Back In Town

I got back to Melbourne late last night after 10 blissful days in Hawaii. I had an amazing time and will write a long and boring post later in the week with plenty of photos.

I have close to 600 posts in my Google reader to get through, I can't wait to catch up on all your news! Right now I have to unpack, do some washing and get ready for work tomorrow. The honeymoon is over.

Thursday, October 09, 2008


I am off to Hawaii tomorrow for a couple of weeks, just a few problems...

1. The Aussie dollar has crashed and fallen 30% over the past couple of months
2. I have a bad case of gastro
3. I just got a head cold

So I haven't really eaten since Sunday because I have been so sick with a stomach bug. I thought I was just hung over on Sunday and then Monday I thought I just had a two day hang over and and felt crap because I hate going to work. By Tuesday I had to take the day off work and I knew it wasn't just a hang over. Since I am going on holidays tomorrow and was away at a conference all last week, I really had to come into work the last couple of days. Do you know what is worse then having gastro? Having to go to work with gastro! Not a pleasant situation. My poor flatmate didn't know what to do this morning when we were in peak hour traffic on the West Gate Bridge and I am about to be sick. He couldn't get to the emergency lane so told me I had to be sick in his brand new car, lucky I managed to hold it. It was kind of funny watching the panic on his face!

A few girls at work have bad colds and with my resistance down I caught it from them right away. By 2.00pm yesterday it had hit me full force. So I have loaded up on drugs at the chemist last night, but can anyone recommend anything to help with gastro? I have to fly for almost 24 hours tomorrow and it is not going to be pleasant. I have tried Imodium, but it isn't really doing the trick. Can I go to the doctors and get an injection or something? The friend who is travelling with me (half jokingly) told me he wants to change seats and I don't blame him!

The good news about the Aussie dollar is that I did pay for my accommodation back when it was really strong, so I can just keep my expenses down and it doesn't cost anything to lay by the beach and swim. I guess I am lucky that this is the only way that the economic crisis has affected me, a lot of people I know have it a lot worse.

I must say that the situation is so bad now that it is actually hilarious! I have only ever been on one other holiday and I got really sick the day before I left for it as well. I still managed to have a ball last time and I am sure I still will this time. OK, I need to go and make another electrolyte drink to get my strength up.

Friday, October 03, 2008


I have been on the Gold Coast for the past week for a work conference (yes the GC during school holidays- fun...). Anyone not familiar with the GC should know this is a coastal city with theme parks and beautiful beaches. I have felt like a goth walking around with my dark clothes, dark hair and pale skin. I look like a vampire compared to all the beach babes here. I don't think my self esteem could take living here!

This trip has hammered home a few issues for me. The biggest thing I have learnt is that I should not have a job in which I travel because I have a problem with overeating. This has been a very boring trip and all I think about is what I am going to order for breakfast or dinner. You'll notice that I skip lunch, that is because I often eat so much for breakfast that I can't eat lunch.

I always arrive with the best intentions and often get through the first day ok. Then by day two I break because there is so much delicious free food and alcohol being thrown at me and I just can't say no. I have had this problem since I was a little girl. I have had food restricted from me for so long that when an opportunity arises to indulge, I can't stop eating. When I was young this used to be at birthday parties, sleep-overs or school camps. Then when I went to uni I gained a stack more weight when I realised I had the freedom to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Since then it has been an on-going battle.

Last night a group of people I met during the conference were going out for dinner, but instead I wanted to hole myself in my room and order room service. At one point I decided that I really felt like some take away so I went for a walk to get some dimsims and of course, mid-dim sim I ran into the people that I had declined to go out with because I was 'too tired'. I made a lame excuse and left, but it didn't stop me. I then went and ordered a large meal from Oporto and went back to my room to eat it. I was pretty full, but an hour later I decided I wanted (not needed) something else. I couldn't possibly eat a full meal so I ordered some bread and dips and profiteroles for dessert from room service. I was so full by the end of the night that I couldn't sleep. I lay in my room feeling hot and full and revolting for half the night.

I am really embarrassed to write this post, but I am hoping that it will make me face up to this problem. To be honest, I am not really sure the best way to conquer it, every time I think I am getting there I lose the plot again.


Thanks for all the supportive comments I got after yesterdays post on money and family. I have written off the debt because chasing it is too upsetting. I agree that you should never lend what you can't afford, that is something my dad always told me, but now I have learnt my lesson. As difficult as it is to lose the money, it is the situation that is by far the most upsetting.