Friday, October 03, 2008


I have been on the Gold Coast for the past week for a work conference (yes the GC during school holidays- fun...). Anyone not familiar with the GC should know this is a coastal city with theme parks and beautiful beaches. I have felt like a goth walking around with my dark clothes, dark hair and pale skin. I look like a vampire compared to all the beach babes here. I don't think my self esteem could take living here!

This trip has hammered home a few issues for me. The biggest thing I have learnt is that I should not have a job in which I travel because I have a problem with overeating. This has been a very boring trip and all I think about is what I am going to order for breakfast or dinner. You'll notice that I skip lunch, that is because I often eat so much for breakfast that I can't eat lunch.

I always arrive with the best intentions and often get through the first day ok. Then by day two I break because there is so much delicious free food and alcohol being thrown at me and I just can't say no. I have had this problem since I was a little girl. I have had food restricted from me for so long that when an opportunity arises to indulge, I can't stop eating. When I was young this used to be at birthday parties, sleep-overs or school camps. Then when I went to uni I gained a stack more weight when I realised I had the freedom to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Since then it has been an on-going battle.

Last night a group of people I met during the conference were going out for dinner, but instead I wanted to hole myself in my room and order room service. At one point I decided that I really felt like some take away so I went for a walk to get some dimsims and of course, mid-dim sim I ran into the people that I had declined to go out with because I was 'too tired'. I made a lame excuse and left, but it didn't stop me. I then went and ordered a large meal from Oporto and went back to my room to eat it. I was pretty full, but an hour later I decided I wanted (not needed) something else. I couldn't possibly eat a full meal so I ordered some bread and dips and profiteroles for dessert from room service. I was so full by the end of the night that I couldn't sleep. I lay in my room feeling hot and full and revolting for half the night.

I am really embarrassed to write this post, but I am hoping that it will make me face up to this problem. To be honest, I am not really sure the best way to conquer it, every time I think I am getting there I lose the plot again.


Thanks for all the supportive comments I got after yesterdays post on money and family. I have written off the debt because chasing it is too upsetting. I agree that you should never lend what you can't afford, that is something my dad always told me, but now I have learnt my lesson. As difficult as it is to lose the money, it is the situation that is by far the most upsetting.


  1. It's so brave of you to write that entry Tully...I've done the binge eating thing, and the shame surrounded by eating so much in such a short space of time is overwhelming, I'm not sure I'd have the courage to own it like you just did...when I've journalled my eating and I'd go off the rails one evening, the day would be torn out because there's no way I could've recorded such.

    You just need to realise that you can eat what you want, when you want, that there is no shame, no good, no bad, that it is all just food, fuel, and once you can get out of the restrictive mindset, you'll find that you don't need to have everything, you'll find your hunger again, and you can stop eating when you're full. I know it seems impossible and it's really not easy to come to that place, but it is possible.

    And, and I bet you were the prettiest goth on the coast!

  2. Well I think you are fabulous. I overeat too often as well. I spent my birthday last week eating chocs and too much indian takeaway and then felt so sick and unhappy. When I asked my psychologist to help me fix this overeating problem he said therapy can help but only I can discipline myself and stop eating when I am full. At first I thought what a load of crap but since then I think the lightbulb went on and I feel a whole lot better about it all. I try and tell myself that I can eat whatever I want whenever I want I just have to stop if I am full and cover it up with cling and put it in the fridge for later. Also I have found I am a bit happier and not so sad since I am exercising. I hope you don't think I am preaching. I truly know how you feel and I think you are fantastic to be so honest on your blog, you truly have helped me so much over the last few months, so thanks goes to you!

  3. That was a very brave post, girl.

    I wish I could do more from this side of the Tasman to help you, it sounds like more than a problem with overeating, but more like eating your emotions - after all, you've had an awful time of it recently!

    [as for the Goth on The Gold Coast thing, at least you didn't get racist comments from the locals! I mean, WHAT?!]

  4. Business trips and room service have been one of my biggest challenges. Trying to figure out how to change my environment to help me be more successful because I have two stressful ones coming up!

  5. You're definitely not alone! I think many of us struggling with our weight go through this, of course not all of us have the courage to admit the truth so openly in a blog - that's something to be admired!

    I'm glad i've discovered your blog - it's in my favourites now and i'll be back to visit more often :-)

  6. I call this secret eating, and I used to do this all the time. I still do if I am totally honest with myself.

    I have now managed to realise the problem, work on making myself happy, and acknowledging that I am not perfect, and as long as I eat healthy 80% of the time, sometimes I just need to have a binge or to overeat.

    Try changing things little by little day by day, you will eventually get to somewhere you are happy with.

    I hope we can help you get there!

  7. Oh yeah babeeeee You are so not alone... I love food.. specially if it is free! It is hard and I have no answers coz I still battle with it myself. Unfortunately I have to pay for it myself though.. haha
    Mark and I are coming to melbytown for the weekend and most of the planning has been around eating.. hehe we cant wait to eat out for every meal (planning mainly beciause of the gluten issue...)Sad I know but true... Oh we are ogoing to the Gluten free expo and also the bike shops.. oh and I think one of the big dfo's... ummm and Draculars... not sure what else...

  8. Boy have I been there. Sounds as though it's a bit of a rough time for you, but know that as bad as it is right now, it won't last. Glad you're going away soon. Maybe a break from routine will help.


Awww thanks so much for the comment!