Nothing Compares

One of the biggest barriers I had to face while trying to lose weight was comparing myself to others. I was constantly left feeling confused, frustrated or like a failure because I compared myself with other weight loss bloggers. There was always someone who seemed to have a better method of losing weight or was able to do it much faster than me. Of course I get a great deal of inspiration from other bloggers, so it not all bad, but I just couldn't help listening to the devil on my shoulder telling me that I just didn't measure up.

Now the tables have turned and I find myself constantly comparing myself with 'skinnier me'. I have gained at least 20 kilos (44 lbs) this year and I can't stop comparing the way I feel now, with how I felt when I was thinner.

It has been over 3 years since I weighed over 90 kilos (198 lbs) and so it has been a huge shock to the system. I honestly forgot how much harder life is for me when I am bigger. I find everyday tasks more difficult, I don't like to take up room on public transport, getting up the stairs at home is harder, my thighs chaff, my feet and back hurt and I just feel like an obese person again.

Obviously one of the main ways I feel inadequate to my former self is in my appearance. I hate to be shallow, but well, I am going to be! I have not received a single compliment since I gained weight. Now don't get me wrong, I don't need compliments to feel good about myself, but they are an indication of what others are thinking of your appearance. In fact the closest I came to a compliment was when a friend said 'you have a pretty face' to me the other day. We all know what a slap in the face that statement is to a fat girl.

I found the first photo of myself taken in January and the second photo taken in July (I actually got bigger than this). How on earth did I let myself gain so much weight in such a short period of time? I can't even imagine what sort of denial I must have been in to gain 20 kilos and pretend it wasn't happening.

January 2013

July 2013

The silver lining is that I now look back on the girl in the first photo and think she looks great and that was an awesome weight to be. Of course at the time I still thought I needed to lose a heap more weight and could not be happy with myself. So this weight gain has bought with it a new perspective that I obviously needed and I really hope I remember this if (and when) I get back to being the girl in the first picture.