Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Nothing Compares

One of the biggest barriers I had to face while trying to lose weight was comparing myself to others. I was constantly left feeling confused, frustrated or like a failure because I compared myself with other weight loss bloggers. There was always someone who seemed to have a better method of losing weight or was able to do it much faster than me. Of course I get a great deal of inspiration from other bloggers, so it not all bad, but I just couldn't help listening to the devil on my shoulder telling me that I just didn't measure up.

Now the tables have turned and I find myself constantly comparing myself with 'skinnier me'. I have gained at least 20 kilos (44 lbs) this year and I can't stop comparing the way I feel now, with how I felt when I was thinner.

It has been over 3 years since I weighed over 90 kilos (198 lbs) and so it has been a huge shock to the system. I honestly forgot how much harder life is for me when I am bigger. I find everyday tasks more difficult, I don't like to take up room on public transport, getting up the stairs at home is harder, my thighs chaff, my feet and back hurt and I just feel like an obese person again.

Obviously one of the main ways I feel inadequate to my former self is in my appearance. I hate to be shallow, but well, I am going to be! I have not received a single compliment since I gained weight. Now don't get me wrong, I don't need compliments to feel good about myself, but they are an indication of what others are thinking of your appearance. In fact the closest I came to a compliment was when a friend said 'you have a pretty face' to me the other day. We all know what a slap in the face that statement is to a fat girl.

I found the first photo of myself taken in January and the second photo taken in July (I actually got bigger than this). How on earth did I let myself gain so much weight in such a short period of time? I can't even imagine what sort of denial I must have been in to gain 20 kilos and pretend it wasn't happening.

January 2013
July 2013
The silver lining is that I now look back on the girl in the first photo and think she looks great and that was an awesome weight to be. Of course at the time I still thought I needed to lose a heap more weight and could not be happy with myself. So this weight gain has bought with it a new perspective that I obviously needed and I really hope I remember this if (and when) I get back to being the girl in the first picture.


  1. This post totally struck me. I'm a shocker for keeping photos of myself that show my body. I always find myself cropping them, if not deleting them, if I think I look too fat. Cause at the time, it's never good enough. But your totally right!! I am always striving to be where I was when I was happy with my weight/body. It just sucks that I've never truly felt happy in that moment to keep a photo to use for inspiration. You have that pic, and it's gorgeous!
    I'm on the journey with you now to find my awesome future uncropped (not that that's a word, but you get what I mean!) photo.

  2. Your post really resonates with me, as I'm in the same boat. I just had my 3 year "surgiversary" and really spent 2012 being lax and regaining some weight. Now I've spent all of 2013 battling to take it back off. So frustrating, but also it has given me perspective like nothing else!!! And you are right about comparisons...they are the devil, why do we still try to compare? Aargh!

  3. You're still beautiful! And cut yourself some slack, you've been under tremendous pressure. You can do this, though...you've done it before. Use that perspective to be kinder to yourself.

  4. Sadly I know how it feels to gain back weight. Like you, I thought I needed to lose more way back then. Silly eh?
    I am working hard to get back to some sort of decent size again, you can too!

  5. Why is it we are our own worse enemy!! or should that be critic...........hang in there!!!!!


Awww thanks so much for the comment!