Tuesday, July 27, 2010


As I have mentioned on this blog, I haven't told many people about getting the lap band. I have publicly failed on so many diet attempts in the last 20 years, that I just didn't want people to be rolling their eyes and waiting for me to fail again. I do plan to tell people about the band once I get to a healthier weight, but right now I am still at a weight that I have been in past diet attempts and I want to smash that number out of the park before I mention the band.

The problem is that I am feeling guilty about not telling some people, in particular some of my girlfriends that also struggle with weight issues. It's not that I think any of them would benefit from having lap band surgery, because none of them are particularly overweight, but they do have their own concerns about food and weight- like so many of us!

Since I have been back in Australia I have had dinner with 3 separate girlfriends and I ate my small lap band portions while they polished off healthy restaurant portions. All 3 of them were quite self conscious that I ate so little and were embarrassed that they had enjoyed eating their normal sized portions. I tried to make them feel comfortable about it by telling them that I was just watching my weight and trying to eat smaller portions... blah blah blah... but I could see that it only made them feel like they were pigs that couldn't control themselves.

Then last night I was hanging out with my best friend from high school, who still lives here in my home town where I am staying, and we were talking diets. We both happen to be going to a beach wedding on the same day in 9 weeks time and we were trying to motivate each other to get some kilos off before our chubby thighs hit the heat and humidity of tropical locations. She lamented that she just wished she had my willpower to not each so much and seemed quite down on herself about it. I almost cracked then and told her about the lap band because I felt awful that she was beating herself up and comparing herself to me when I have surgical help. Argh, just writing it now makes me feel even worse.

It's just one more reason I need to hurry up and get this weight off so I can stop hiding the surgery from my close friends and family.


  1. I love a good wedding ;)

    I can understand the guilt-- in the past, I've tried to keep things secret for whatever reason, so that people couldn't point out when I failed. Honestly I don't know how you've managed to keep such a big secret for so long, I'm rubbish at things like that.

  2. I've had similar situations come up and I share your uncertainty. Basically I have told people if they are friends and I believe the information might benefit them.

  3. You are feeling guilty about being so brave as to have body (and mind) altering surgery? I think you are awesome for doing that. Tell your friends when you are ready. Many of us just whine about our weight! If given the chance, I wonder how many of us would be as brave as you!

  4. I can understand your feeling guilty. I've told my family (which is small) and my closest girlfriends (because they would definitely notice a change in my behaviour and think it very odd). I don't plan to tell anyone else...possibly ever (getting banded August 27). If they ask how I am losing weight I will tell them eating less and exercising. Which will be true also.

  5. Perhaps you would feel less 'guilty' if you told your girlfriends... at least then they wouldn't feel so useless at dieting!

    I would feel pissed off if my friend lost a lot of weight and as a consequence, I felt awful because I was struggling to lose any... only to find out later that said friend had the surgery and that's how (along with self control and exercise) she had lost the weight.

    Being honest is the best policy... and you might not upset some people when you 'own up' to having a lap band?

    Only MY opinion... not necessarily how your friends do/will feel.

  6. I'm a little bit further into the journey than you are, but I can completely relate.

    Having now lost 46 kgs, (and am incredulously 1 kg away from goal), I am feeling more comfortable about telling people.

    When people ask me, I say that I am eating less (which is technically true) and exercising more (not sure if that’s true!), but if they probe deeper I generally tell them. I have not had one negative comment, although I think one of my best friends isn't overly supportive (I think she felt it was extreme). I’ve also chosen to tell people if I eat too quickly and have to excuse myself, as I do not carry a “I’ve just vomited” face very well, and I would prefer they knew about the band than thought I had an eating disorder.

    I guess the problem is, that the “omission” doesn’t sit very well with naturally honest people.

  7. IMO it will only be people who are narrow-minded about lapbanding (and don't believe you when you tell them that losing weight is still bloody hard with one) who would be really upset with you for keeping it from them. I'm sure if you explain your reasoning most people will understand - particularly if you point out that practically nobody in your life was told. I can understand your guilt when you are naturally such a caring and selfless person, but sometimes you just have to do whatever suits you and hope that other people understand. Particularly when it comes to the delicate issue of weight loss when other people's negative reactions and opinions can make such an impact on your mindset (and therefore success)!


  8. I kept it fairly quiet like you but I did tell my closest friends and family. I did have the same fear as you though because I wanted to wait and see if it worked first. I think it is best to be open about it, especially with your close friends. I fear eating in front of people incase I struggle with certain foods and it's so much easier when you are out with them and they can finish things off for you and understand if you can only eat a really small amount! Hope you find peace with whatever you decide soon xx

  9. Really agree with Chris here. If you don't feel you can tell your friends - are they really your friends? Friends don't judge friends, friends don't lie (which you technically do) to each other. I would be really hurt and disappointed if a friend of mine first came off like she was just watching what she's eating and then a year later or so owned up to doing a lap band. What's the big deal? You only make it bigger than what it is. I'm sure most ppl would just say "oh, ok, good for you".

  10. Hey there! I feel the exact same way- I go in on Tuesday for my band (finally!) and I feel so guilty not telling people, and I know it is going to get worse when I start loosing weight and people ask. However, I just don't want the opinions and the eyes watching me all the time:)

  11. I understand where you're coming from in regards to the whole rolling of eyes thing - it's the thing that I fear most too. But DON'T feel guilty, you have made a decision about your life that you'll share when you're ready and try not to focus on past failures, it only sets you up for comparisons to where you've been before and this is a new and exciting journey for you.

  12. This is really hard and such a personalised situation. I understand both sides of the coin but ultimately, it is only about us in the end whether we chose to tell someone or not. It isn't cut and dried, right or wrong.

    I think, if the situation were reversed I would probably be hurt that the friend felt like they couldn't tell me but in the end, it's only about self protection for the person not saying anything and I'd support her/him no matter what. Hey, it's their health we're talking about here.

    You'll say and do when the time is right for you.

  13. You should have told your friends, at least you "close ones".

    They will feel betrayed, becuase you didn't trust them.

    I had a friend that had plastic surgery and never mentioned it to me. I noticed and didn't say anything, but it really made me wonder just how close a friend she really was. (I was very happy that she was able to do this for herself btw) Yes she is still a BFF but I wonder why she didn 't confide in me, I am a great secret keeper even though I know she is a very private person.

  14. Hi, just started following your blog. I told my immediate family, mother and father inlaw and my neice and sister inlaw know, and a friend that I can confide in. Other family/relatives don't really need to know as I don't even talk to them all that much. I feel bad when ppl I know ask how I have done it. But I don't want to go into it with every person I meet. You may feel better letting just a few select ppl know that you can confide in. Good luck


Awww thanks so much for the comment!