As I have mentioned on this blog, I haven't told many people about getting the lap band. I have publicly failed on so many diet attempts in the last 20 years, that I just didn't want people to be rolling their eyes and waiting for me to fail again. I do plan to tell people about the band once I get to a healthier weight, but right now I am still at a weight that I have been in past diet attempts and I want to smash that number out of the park before I mention the band.
The problem is that I am feeling guilty about not telling some people, in particular some of my girlfriends that also struggle with weight issues. It's not that I think any of them would benefit from having lap band surgery, because none of them are particularly overweight, but they do have their own concerns about food and weight- like so many of us!
Since I have been back in Australia I have had dinner with 3 separate girlfriends and I ate my small lap band portions while they polished off healthy restaurant portions. All 3 of them were quite self conscious that I ate so little and were embarrassed that they had enjoyed eating their normal sized portions. I tried to make them feel comfortable about it by telling them that I was just watching my weight and trying to eat smaller portions... blah blah blah... but I could see that it only made them feel like they were pigs that couldn't control themselves.
Then last night I was hanging out with my best friend from high school, who still lives here in my home town where I am staying, and we were talking diets. We both happen to be going to a beach wedding on the same day in 9 weeks time and we were trying to motivate each other to get some kilos off before our chubby thighs hit the heat and humidity of tropical locations. She lamented that she just wished she had my willpower to not each so much and seemed quite down on herself about it. I almost cracked then and told her about the lap band because I felt awful that she was beating herself up and comparing herself to me when I have surgical help. Argh, just writing it now makes me feel even worse.
It's just one more reason I need to hurry up and get this weight off so I can stop hiding the surgery from my close friends and family.