Now or Never

What a year. And not in a good way!

Life has been more than a little difficult lately and this was topped off on Monday when my 50-year old mum suffered a heart attack. Luckily she got to the hospital in time and they successfully put a stent in her heart and she is doing much better now. Phew.

So it didn't turn out to be the best week to get focused on eating healthy again, but I have managed to get through so far without too much damage to the diet. I really didn't feel like I had any choice but to stick to the diet because pretty much nothing in my wardrobe is fitting me right now. I also saw a pretty shocking photo of me taken at a friend's wedding on the weekend that keeps flashing before my eyes every time I contemplate that tub of ice cream. I would post the horrible photo for your amusement but I haven't downloaded it from the camera yet and I haven't located the cord since I moved house a few weeks ago. That is my excuse and I am sticking to it.

This year has really just been one big binge and my weight is now the most out of control it has been since I originally lost 50 kilos. I don't actually know what I weigh, because that would be too scary, but it can't be good. I have let stress get the better of me and have not even tried to control my eating this year. I honestly wish I knew how some people can cope with stress without eating, but knowing that I had that block of chocolate or pizza (or both!) to come home to after a bad day was really the only thing that kept me going.

Eating (and over-eating) really makes me happy and I enjoy every delicious morsel of it. I love being able to catch up with friends and have wine and cheese or dinner with family without having to worry about my diet. I love having cake at morning tea at work or lunch out with colleagues or a 3pm sweet fix to get me through the work day. I love brunch on weekends, popcorn at the movies, hot doughnuts at the market, fancy restaurant meals, greasy take aways and a box of choccies while I watch my favourite TV shows.

I guess I just have to remember what it feels like to look like this...

And what it feels like to look like this...

I feel like I have reached that crucial point where I know that if I continue what I am doing now I will wake up and be 130 kilos again... or I can make a change now. No matter how hard it is, I am determined to make that change before it is too late.

Non Scale Fail

Before I went on holidays I did my usual panicked last minute shopping trip to find some clothes that actually fit me. I dragged AJ along to carry my bags and stop me from having a tantrum in the fitting rooms. Turns out he was not the ideal shopping partner...

Me trying on a top and having a size small fit me (only because it is intended to be worn very, very loose)
ME: This is what us weight-loss bloggers call a NSV
AJ: What???
ME: It's a non-scale victory
AJ: You bloggers are strange

5 minutes later I tried on a size 18 shirt that didn't come close to buttoning up
ME: Damn it, stupid freaking shirt doesn't fit
AJ: Is this what weight-loss bloggers call a NSF?
ME: What???
AJ: A non-scale fail
ME: Get fucked

Woe, Is Me

Do you ever feel like it is hard to catch a break? I am having one of those weeks...

• On Monday I returned to my old job where I have to take a $20,000 pay cut.
• Tomorrow I have to move house because my landlord sold my apartment. I am moving into another apartment in my block that is not as nice as mine (goodbye walk-in-robe and double shower) and costs more in rent. This involves taking all of my stuff up and down 3 flights of stairs.
• Yesterday I suddenly couldn't walk because of the strain from my plantar fasciitis, I have been limping so bad for the past 6 months that I gave myself a stress fracture and have thrown my hip out of alignment. I now need very expensive orthotics that my healthcare does not cover and I can barely walk.
• My family home is in that little town that Australians may be seeing all over the news right now as being badly flooded. We are outside of the levee system that was built and cannot get access to the property to see what the damage is because we were all away in Byron Bay when they blocked all the roads.
• It is a public holiday here on Monday and I work for a university so we do not get the day off and we do not get paid extra to work.

Woe, is me.

I am a firm believer that happiness does not just come to you, you have to work for it. So I am not going to dwell on these things and instead try and focus on how great it is to be back working with my old team, how moving is a great opportunity to get organised and that soon my foot will be fixed and I can walk pain-free again. Oh and my sister-in-law (see below) just bought me a delicious 'get well limpy' present from koko black.

So while I spend the next few days packing boxes and eating pizza on the floor, here is a photo of me and the bride to keep you entertained.

HOME!

I'm finally home again after a 40 hour return trip to Byron Bay for my brother's wedding. It was a pretty crazy trip with lots of driving, storms, humidity, family drama and wedding preparations.

I'm now in my happy place on the couch with my doonah, listening to the rain fall outside and catching up on all the shows I taped while I was gone (Extreme Couponing, Tori and Dean, Sister Wives, Kourtney and Kim). Not to mention a healthy dose of chocolate to keep me nourished. Bliss.

I will bore you to death with photos soon, but for now, here is a photo of me in my bridesmaid dress showing off the amazing tan marks I got to compliment my one-shouldered dress. You know me, I just love to stand out...