Life has been more than a little difficult lately and this was topped off on Monday when my 50-year old mum suffered a heart attack. Luckily she got to the hospital in time and they successfully put a stent in her heart and she is doing much better now. Phew.
So it didn't turn out to be the best week to get focused on eating healthy again, but I have managed to get through so far without too much damage to the diet. I really didn't feel like I had any choice but to stick to the diet because pretty much nothing in my wardrobe is fitting me right now. I also saw a pretty shocking photo of me taken at a friend's wedding on the weekend that keeps flashing before my eyes every time I contemplate that tub of ice cream. I would post the horrible photo for your amusement but I haven't downloaded it from the camera yet and I haven't located the cord since I moved house a few weeks ago. That is my excuse and I am sticking to it.
This year has really just been one big binge and my weight is now the most out of control it has been since I originally lost 50 kilos. I don't actually know what I weigh, because that would be too scary, but it can't be good. I have let stress get the better of me and have not even tried to control my eating this year. I honestly wish I knew how some people can cope with stress without eating, but knowing that I had that block of chocolate or pizza (or both!) to come home to after a bad day was really the only thing that kept me going.
Eating (and over-eating) really makes me happy and I enjoy every delicious morsel of it. I love being able to catch up with friends and have wine and cheese or dinner with family without having to worry about my diet. I love having cake at morning tea at work or lunch out with colleagues or a 3pm sweet fix to get me through the work day. I love brunch on weekends, popcorn at the movies, hot doughnuts at the market, fancy restaurant meals, greasy take aways and a box of choccies while I watch my favourite TV shows.
I guess I just have to remember what it feels like to look like this...
And what it feels like to look like this...
I feel like I have reached that crucial point where I know that if I continue what I am doing now I will wake up and be 130 kilos again... or I can make a change now. No matter how hard it is, I am determined to make that change before it is too late.
i don't know if u read these comments but i am begging you, do it. do something about it. therapy, medication, anything. something. i lost thirty kg and put it all back on due to stress. now i am battling depression, diabetes and am losing sensation in my feet and hands. i look back at the weight i lost and can't believe i let myself put it back on. now i have spent over two grand on specialists, trying to find ways to heal the pain in my hands. i can't work because of it. everything has hit the fan since i gained the weight back. it is incredibly dangerous and took me about 8 months of binging to do it. i also added another 10kg on top of it. i don't know why - i just kept eating. and now it's like my body was so relieved to be without the weight, it can't cope with it like it used to. i am begging you, please do not go back to binging like i did. it's absolutely awful. go out and find answers - take a holiday, find a therapist, go on drugs, do anything. something. anything. let my awful pain be a warning to you and hopefully a motivator x
ReplyDeleteI am very sorry about your mom. My mom has the same issue at about the same age!
ReplyDeleteFood is a powerful drug and an addiction that I don't think that any of us can ever fully over come!
I know it is hard. Try to remember how far you have come!
xxx
Sorry to hear about your mum...I know all too well how hard it is to stick to healthy eating during times of stress. My only advice would be to not be so hard on yourself. You'll make better choices when the pressure is off and the time is right - I know it :)
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your mum. Hopefully she's on the road to recovery and is able to take on board the necessary life changes to ensure a happier heart in future.
ReplyDeleteIf you think a gym buddy might help in your now or never quest, I'm a recently relocated to Melbourne (from Sydney) girl who's not too crazy and is learning to love the gym after shedding 42kg (still 20 odd kg to go).
I know how you feel! Hope things will be better for you soon...Stay strong, you are a beautiful and intelligent lady.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your Mum. Thank god she made it to hospital is recovering. Very scary.
ReplyDeleteBiggest (((((Hugs)))))
Sad to hear about your Mum, I hope she continues to improve.
ReplyDeletePLEASE do something NOW to turn things around re your weight. I didn't do it... and gained back 40 kilos!
So sorry to read about your mums heart attack. 50 is WAY to young to be having issues like that and I'm sure it must have given her (and you) a real fright.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your mum, that is awful.
ReplyDeleteTake care of YOURSELF. Don't go back to fat honey. You've come to far.
xxx