Thursday, May 09, 2013


Arghhh. Ever since I went to Thailand at the start of March I have stuck my head in the sand and ignored my increasing weight. First I was on holidays, then it was Easter, then I had a new house to organise, so the last thing I had time to worry about was healthy eating and exercise. So I kept telling myself anyway...
I have finally emerged from my denial and realised that I have stacked on the weight and none of my clothes fit me and I feel terrible. In the past this realisation would mean that I would go on a diet and lose some weight and eventually start to feel good about my body. Then inevitably my mind would say 'wow, you're so hot now, you don't need to diet, you should eat 17,000 calories a day. Then I would just keep eating until I could take no more and I started hating myself again.
Up and down on the rollercoaster over and over and over again. It is so bloody exhausting.
I do think that I am very slowly learning from my mistakes. It was only 5 years ago that I was eating drive-thru food almost every night. I thought healthy eating was only chicken breast, broccoli and starvation. I thought exercise was 2 hours at the gym every day or it wasn't worth doing. I thought if I ate one jelly bean that I had to eat 4 packets of jelly beans.

Over the past 5 years I have gradually introduced a healthier lifestyle that involves being more active, eating foods that fuel my body and some sense of balance when it comes to eating 'good' and 'bad' foods. I am by no means perfect, or even close to it, but I do know what I have to work on.

What I do right

Eat a healthy and balanced breakfast, lunch and dinner
Ever since I got the lap band, savoury food has lost some of its appeal to me. I am happy to eat good healthy foods most of the time, it's just the sweets I have trouble with!

Drink 1-2 litres of water per day
This is easy for me, I drink lots of water at work, and if I don't, I get very thirsty.

Drink alcohol only once per week
I am not the type of person to have a glass of wine or two on a week night, instead I'll normally have one big night with friends or family and drink 2 3 bottles of wine on a Friday night. I know that is not any better, but I'll still count it as a plus!

Keep my lap band at a level that stops me binging on fast food
My band could be tighter, but it is tight enough that it stops me contemplating getting pizza or any other takeaway because it would just be too annoying to eat.

What needs work

Exercise 30 minutes per day
Yeah, this is a tough one. I get motivated some days, but it is never going to be easy. I am not sure if I will ever consistently do this (without being miserable).

Stick to my goals on weekends
I used to always allow myself one cheat meal on a weekend and could get right back on track after that. Lately, my treat meal has been turning into a treat weekend because there has been so much going on. I think I'll be able to get this working again, I just need to focus.

Keep my body functioning so that I can exercise
My stupid plantar fasciitis has made this extremely difficult. I have had two cortisone injections in my heel, but I need another one and I have ignored it because it scares me so much. I did get brave and try and book an appointment with my doctor earlier this week, but she is on holidays for 3 weeks, so I will do it when she gets back.

Don’t eat in the middle of the night
I have had pretty severe insomnia for the past 12 months and during that time I have started eating in the middle of the night. I would lay awake for hours and the only thing that would soothe me is food. I am trying really hard to break this habit, but when you are exhausted it is very difficult to remain strong. The insomnia is due to my anxiety/depression medication so I will make an appointment to see my doctor to see if I can chnge it because it can't continue.

Don’t use my emotions as an excuse to eat
Hmmm, I saved the worst until last. I don't have the answers for this one just yet. I'll just have to keep working on it.


  1. "It was only 5 years ago that I was eating drive-thru food almost every night. I thought healthy eating was only chicken breast, broccoli and starvation. I thought exercise was 2 hours at the gym every day or it wasn't worth doing. I thought if I ate one jelly bean that I had to eat 4 packets of jelly beans." - this is so much like me. can u explain how you've tackled that? thanks, ur blog rocks.

  2. Wow.. so much of that sounds like me talking too!!!
    Anxiety / depression.. except I refuse to take medication... I just have to deal with it when it arises.
    Weight myself is all over the place :(
    We all know how to get back on track.. the hard part is doing it and keep on doing it!
    You have done an amazing job so far! Keep it up :)

  3. It's weird - for the past two weeks I have for the first time in my life completely changed my eating habits and it seems to be sticking. I have a band which is empty and useless (I STILL vomit at times because I have my third slippage - I refuse to go back in for surgery again) - what I found with the band was that I could never eat what I was meant to anyway, so my diet was pretty crap. The only things I've "stopped" are sugar and wheat - and I still have wholegrain toast Saturday and Sunday with brunch. The reason things have changed - I'm not "starving" any more! I don't find that I'm craving food because I'm just not hungry - and that is really weird for me. I am so used to eating chips, toast, sandwiches, chocolate, cakes etc - and then eating something again straight afterwards. At the moment I'm literally just not wanting to eat. I have no idea if this will last - I certainly hope so :D

    For the insomnia thing - I'm not sure if it's worth a try for you, but I find that a hot drink works wonders for me - it makes my tummy feel good as well as making me sleepy again... If that fails to work, then I make myself something proper to eat. The known effort of doing so is usually enough to keep me in bed and to go back to sleep ;)

  4. i like how you're focusing on what you do right :)


Awww thanks so much for the comment!