One of the worst things about having a lap band is that fact that food
(and even drinks sometimes) can get stuck. Once the food is stuck in the band
and won't go down, it only has one way to get out-- it needs to come back up.
Depending on how tight your lap band is, this can happen daily... or not at
all. My band is not very tight and pretty much the only time this happens to me
is when I am out because I get anxious and the band tightens up and food just
will not go down.
So I am normally very careful when I eat in public, but occasionally I
am not careful enough and mistakes happen. I recently made one of those
mistakes... with very embarrassing consequences.
I went to the footy on Sunday because AJ is a massive Tigers supporter
and we were excited to see them play in their first final in 12 years. So were
the other 95,000 other people at the stadium. The game didn't start until 3.20
pm and I hadn't had a chance to eat anything all day because I had rushed from
my mum's house back to Melbourne and then caught a train to the MCG in time for
the game. I was starving and there were not a lot of band-friendly food choices
to make.
I am obviously an idiot and I decided to get myself a meat pie and a
cider because it's the footy and that is what you do! Then disaster struck and
I felt the pie get stuck in my band. I let it sit for a while and hoped it
would go down. Then I stood up at the back of the seats bay for a while trying
to jiggle it down. Then I took a tinsy tiny sip of cider because sometimes that
can lubricate it down the band. Nope, nothing would work.
Next thing I get a familiar feeling that means that food is coming out
of the band RIGHT NOW. I raced to the toilets and was faced with a large
queue (did I mention there were 95,000 people there?). It was too late... it
already came up. I didn't even have time to get to the sinks or the bin and so
I vomited in my own mouth. Everyone in the queue saw me do it and they all
collectively jumped away from me. I just stood there, completely panic stricken
for what felt like 5 minutes, but was probably 5 seconds. Then a lovely girl
grabbed me and pushed me to the front and shoved me in the next available
cubical.
I tried to stay in the cubical for as long as possible so that by the
time I came out no one from the queue would still be in there. Of course I
timed it perfectly so that the lovely girl who helped me was standing
at the sinks when I came out. I thanked her, she told me I toilet paper stuck
to my shoe, and I just wanted the world to swallow me up.
After that incident... and the performance by the Tigers, I was in need
of many more ciders to ease the pain. Luckily I managed to find the vomiting
incident more and more funny by the end of the night... but not any less
disgusting!
