It seems I have reached that point in my diet where my motivation has disappeared. There is only so long you can diet on motivation alone, eventually it disappears and things get hard. This is the point where I could find excuses to give up (I have a million of them ready- I'm starting a new job, it's nearly Christmas, I'll start in the New Year) or I could buckle down and do the hard work.
Friday afternoon I started to feel that old familiar feeling of wanting to eat mindlessly. I started snacking on basically anything I could find to eat. My choices at home were limited- damn my healthy shopping habits, so I ate saladas, cup-a-soup and popcorn. This is how it starts for me.
I don't wake up one morning and make a conscious decision to eat crap and give up on the diet. It happens slowly, I will start by over-eating healthy food and tell myself it is ok because it is healthy. Then a take away sneaks in for dinner because I am busy, then I think I will just get through the week doing the best I can and start again next week. This eventually turns into greasy work lunches, chocolate in the afternoons to give me a boost, take away for dinner every night and too much alcohol on weekends.
So the mindless eating continued until Monday afternoon when I realised what I was doing and that I was either going to eat crap until some point in the New Year and gain about 12 kilos or I could stop now and try and get through the holidays without gaining weight and possibly even lose some weight. While it may be fun to let loose over the holidays (ok, a lot of fun!), I am choosing to keep working at this because I don't know how many more times I can lose weight and re-gain it and then lose it again. This cycle is killing me and I don't want to do it anymore.
It is going to be a tough few weeks and I honestly don't know if I can do this but I am going to do my best to make the best choices I can over the holidays. I think if I am careful I can have a good time, enjoy the yummy foods and not gain weight. I just keep thinking that there is no giving up and starting again, this time is for life.
In other news, I start my new job tomorrow. I am so nervous, not sure what to wear... Every outfit I try on looks fine when I stand up and suck my stomach in, but when I sit down I look like a 3 tiered wedding cake. Sigh.
Good luck with starting your new job tomorrow! I say you've got a rough time with starting a new job AND the holiday season looming. My trainer tells me that it takes the body one month to adjust to a significant lifestyle change - of the ilk of changing jobs, moving house, etc.
ReplyDeleteI've found that combining healthy foods with traditionally 'unhealthy' makes things much easier to handle.
I make chicken wraps with tortilla-like things, vegetables, and chicken nuggets. WAY healthier than greasy food court stuff, but I don't feel deprived. I also use pepperoni in toasted pita breads and top my strawberries with whipped cream. I think you realise that you're very hot and cold with your eating - perhaps you don't trust yourself quite enough around tastier foods? [What a shame that I can't help you cook up some damn fine meals for you!]
Keep texting me, okay? And email me from your new work!
Ahhh know the wedding cake feeling all too well! Good luck with the first day, I'm sure you'll do really well!
ReplyDeleteI know it's so so tempting to give up some days, but like you said, think of all the effort it will take to start again.
When I feel the restless eating urge coming on I put on my exercise clothes. I may not have the energy to go for a walk but it feels so damn wrong eating dressed that way that I usually end up doing something active anyway.
At least cuppa soup and pop corn isn't hard to un-do! Better than binging on Nutella hehe
I am sure you do NOT LOOK that bad chick!!! Stop being so harsh on yourself, you are beautiful! I am sure you will be fine at your new job, nerves are to be expected.
ReplyDeletegosh, reading your post was like reading my own eating downfall every single time!!!! It starts with no conscious decision but just slides into total disarray so quickly...
ReplyDeleteThey are all great ideas in your comments. Don't forget not to let yourself get too hungry, I remember your earlier post that I found so inspirational and it has helped me enormously. Every time I think about crap food I realize that I am really hungry and have gone too long without eating.
I love Marshmallow's post because I know I don't trust myself with tastier foods and that sounds like an excellent idea to mix it up.
Good luck with it all and best wishes for your new job!
I love what Marshmallow has said.
ReplyDeleteI am reading "If Not Dieting, Then What?" by Rick Kausmann and it is really hitting some nerves with me and really making me question my "dieting" approach. I have an all or nothing attitude and if I falter, I beat myself up, and binge, fall of the wagon and have a shit show in hell of catching it up as it disappears across the prairie!! I feel guilty about anything unplanned and this is where I think Marshmallow has hit the nail on the head. She has made her basis healthy but does not deprive herself of some treats in life, therefore she doesn't feel like she needs to binge to make up for it.
Thanks for dropping by and I really enjoyed this post, and I love your blog layout too.
I'm with you on the slippery slope thing. You give just a millimetre on the diet, and the next day you're wolfing down a Magnum ready to get started on your jaffas :D Er, well, maybe that's just me. But I've been trying to overcome that lately, be of the mind "best to stop now before I do any more damage" kind of thing.
ReplyDeleteBut I wish you luck in your new job. And thanks again for leaving a comment in mine.
Peace
I am in the same boat as you Tully. I think we are about the same weight though I haven't been on the scales much. I'm so pissed at myself for this latest backslide. I was under emotional stress so I knew why I was doing it but it's hard to get back to my healthy living. I'm glad I'm not alone in that I'm sick of thinking about the body and how I look. I guess there never any getting around that. We just gotta keep plugging along.
ReplyDeleteGood luck on your new job. The first day is always a bit awkward but it'll be better the next day. I always hate the steep learning curve at first but hope you meet some nice people.
Yup, I know the slippery slope all too well. :(
ReplyDeleteI hope your first day yesterday was fabulous! And I'm sure you looked great. Can't wait to hear all about it!
xoxo