I hope I wasn't misleading on my last post when I talked about finally learning to love my body the way it is now. I do love my body how it is, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to try and lose a little bit of weight...
You see, after my body lift surgery I spent November and December eating like it was my full time job and I did gain some weight. Due to the body lift surgery and liposuction the weight has come back onto my body a little unevenly. I still have a flat tummy, but my back, arms and thighs have really chunked out and I feel like I look a bit out of proportion. I really just want to lose enough weight over the course of the next year so that I can fit comfortably into my size 14 clothes and have a fit, toned and well-proportioned body.
I don't know how much weight I need to lose in kilos because I don't actually know what I weigh, and (for once) it's not because I am in denial, it's because I just don't feel like the number on the scales will mean much to me. My body changed after my surgery and my old goal numbers no longer hold the same meaning, so I took this as an opportunity to start fresh and not worry about the scales. That doesn't mean I won't weigh myself occassionally, I just don't want to do it regularly and attach my self worth to the numbers I see. I will know I am where I want to be when my clothes fit again.
So I am feeding my body good foods and exercising most days, but nothing extreme, I am just focussed on taking it slow. It is really hard though because I automatically want to cut all carbs, starve myself, allow no treats and beat myself up if I miss exercise for a day. I know that this sort of behaviour gets me nowhere, but it is a pattern that is hard to break. I am going to Thailand in about 7 weeks and normally I would want to switch into full diet mode and try and lose as much weight as possible before my holiday. So I am making sure that I don't start dieting again by remembering all the reasons why dieting is evil:
- I gain all the weight back immediately
- It is not healthy for my body
- Being hungry sucks
- Eating diet food is miserable
- There is nothing wrong with me the way I am
- Being on a diet makes me a boring person