I hadn't had my lap band properly filled back up since I had fluid removed for my body lift surgery. It was so much fun eating normal foods and being able to eat with friends and family without the fear of getting food stuck in the band. Alas, I have stacked on the weight big time!
I was going to go into all the individual reasons why I have gained weight, but it's basically because I have an eating disorder and I will eat and eat and eat until I am physically sick. It's such a horrible disorder to have-- the panic over making sure you will have enough food, the sneaking around so people don't see how much you are eating and then the self-hatred afterwards. So I am hoping that adding some fluid to my band will help me.
I went to a local GP who does fills for free, rather than my band clinic which is too annoying to get to, and had 0.3 mls added. This give me 5.8 mls in a 10 ml lap band. One scary thing to note is that the doctor really struggled to find my port to give me the fill. My body lift surgery has caused all the scars from the lap band surgery to move, which makes it difficult for doctors to know where my port is located. He thought my bottom rib was the port, but luckily I spoke up (for once) and said that it didn't feel right. Phew!
I can feel the difference the fill has made, but I am still one hungry little hippo. So now I am contemplating going back for more fluid next week. Which will put me in an awkward place where my band is too tight for regular healthy foods and make eating normally in restaurants with friends difficult... but will hopefully help somewhat with the hunger.
I feel almost scared by how much I want to eat, but I hate the limitations it puts on eating lean meats and vegetables when it is tight. I don't have the answers*. I guess I just need to choose the lesser of two evils...
* When I wrote that I got the Mad About You theme song stuck in my head.
I hope you achieve more balance with your eating with this fill. My little self talk at the moment involves asking myself if I'm *really* hungry before I decide to eat. It's a constant battle and not one that I always win...but a girl's gotta try, right?! G'luck :)
ReplyDeleteYour eating disorder certainly does suck big time :0(
ReplyDeleteHope you find the right fill/balance soon!!!!
I totally understand how you feel. I've been thinking about going to a food addicts anonymous meeting. I'm obsessed with food and eating. But not good stuff. I think about chocolate like cocaine. If it is in the house I have to eat it. I get anxious when I know there's none here and wonder how I'll make it through the night without just one little bit. I've gained 5kgs in the last couple of months. As soon as I get close to 80kg I get complacent and rocket back up to 85/86kg. I hate myself for it. I keep hoping it will end. That one day I'll just wake up as a person with a skinny person's thinking. That food won't be on my mind 24/7. Never happens. I wish someone could hypnotise me into changing. Anything!
ReplyDeleteI got a little fill about three weeks ago and while I feel the restriction I can still eat bread, pasta, rice, potatoes. Just one more fill would send me over but I hold out because I don't want to be antisocial when I got out with my friends or on dates. I keep telling myself I can do it without the band being too tight, but really I can't.
Ugh! Food obsessions suck. Big time.
Good luck with your fill.