Tuesday, January 01, 2008

One Last Resolution For 2007

On the last day of 2007 I decided to do something I have wanted to do for a long time now, but have not been brave enough to do. I went to a crowded beach and went swimming.

I haven't done this since I was about 12 years old on a family holiday to Lakes Entrance where I spent the whole week swimming in the ocean having the time of my life. When we got the photos back I was looking at a beach shot that had lots of people in it and wondered why mum had taken this photo because there was no one in it we knew. Then I noticed a really fat middle aged lady standing on the beach in her bathers and I couldn't help but think "gees, what is she thinking going out in public looking like that?!", then I looked again and realised it was me. I was so horrified that I looked so disgusting that I never let myself be seen in a bathing suit in public again (except when I was forced to for school).

This year I braved swimming in the pool at my brother's apartment complex and even a hotel pool while on holidays, but I still didn't have enough courage to go to the beach. As a fat person I really felt like I didn't deserve to swim on the beach and that I shouldn't disgust people by being seen in a bathing suit. This year I have been making an effort to do what I want to do and have always told myself I can't do until I lose weight- basic things like buy clothes, go on holidays, get a rewarding job, get a pedicure and regular hair cuts. I always thought that I didn't deserve to have these things until I lost weight and as a result I have lived a pretty unfulfilled life.

I am proud to say that I am finally realising that I deserve to be happy no matter what I weigh. So on December 31st in 43 degree heat (109 F) I went to the beach at Torquay and swam in the ocean. It was the most exciting, scary and fun experience I have had in a long time. I loved feeling the waves crash against me and the cold water next to my skin. I forgot how salty the water was, how hot the sand was on my feet and that familiar scent of sunscreen mixed with the ocean. It really was exhilarating and I am so glad I did it. Here is to more adventures in 2008!

The beautiful beach in Torquay

Me about to go swimming, can you feel the confidence...

Pamela Anderson eat your heart out!


  1. Yahoo!!

    Good on you. I am so glad you chose to swim this year. It makes me sad to read about women who feel they aren't entitle to be normal just because they are overweight.

    You look terrific!

  2. Yay! I love love love swimming in the beach, and I think everyone should be able to enjoy it. You're very brave to face your fears, well done!

  3. Oh My God, YOU ROCK!!!! I am so proud of you.... I too go swimming in shorts and a t-shirt, but hell who cares? We are ALLOWED to go swimming to mate!!!! There is always someone bigger on the beach than you... no one really cares mate! I am so glad you had a lovely swim, and remembered all the lovely thrills it entails! Go again! and again.....

  4. WoOOoooOooo!!! You're a braver woman than I, Tully (though I'll be swimming on a beach in February for the triathlon I've entered in, oh gawd!) I'm SO proud of you! {{{HUGZ}}}

  5. Well done! I love the sea but I haven't been in so long. Years. But that's great! I'm glad for you :)

    Oh, and Happy New Years! I hope 2008 is a good one for you :)

  6. That is truly awesome...

    I know exactly how you feel, in so many different ways. This year my favorite aunt gave me this beautiful picture frame with 8 or 9 pictures in it from when I visited her with my little son (17 months old) and we went swimming in her pool. The day was fabulous, and I knew that I looked atrocious, but I didn't care.

    Until Christmas Eve and I saw the pictures. It's hard... I was so touched, because she loves me so much, and it was such a beautiful way to commemorate a great day, but I felt so horrible about myself, I literally was nauseous. I won't let my husband hang it in the living room!

    So anyway... Good for you -- you give me hope, and inspiration!

    I will definitely be back... :)

  7. I'd rather look like you all gorgeous and you than that fake plastic tree Pam!!

  8. Just found your blog - nice to read a bit of Aussie for a change ;-).

    Can you believe I am 6 kg over my goal weight and don't like to go swimming because I'm "too fat"? You are an inspiration! I'll be back to check on you.

    Sure looks nice in Melb, we're about to get rain in sydney AGAIN!

  9. Woohooo well done that is a huge thing aye...

    I love swimming but have always been afraid of what others think and still a little afraid... you have given me a push to go swimming tomorrow while we are at the beach (was going to sit on the sidelines).


  10. Yippee! I'm SO happy you went swimming! Good for you! You DO deserve to be happy and to do the things that you want to do!

    And I think you look great! :)

  11. Well done Tully! I too went to the beach the other day and loved it:) No more holding back- bring on 08!
    Look forward to following your journey into the NY!

  12. Good for you!!! You deserve to enjoy the water and your body in it.

    I completely identify with your early trauma, for the entirety of my life in the Caribbean I was overweight and it took lots of courage for me to go to the beach in spite of my self-consciousness, but I'm a veritable sand,sea and sun girl and not even my shame at my oversized body could/can keep me away from the beach.

    I hope this is the beginning of a new era for you. Cheers!

  13. I'm sooo proud of you! That is a great accomplishment...

    Lately I have found that the weight I have lost has made me more brave and I absolutely love it.

    No use us sitting away when we could be doing things we love (and getting exercise too! who would have thunk it)...

  14. OH yeah girl! Good for you.
    Jealous of you as I look out the window at a snow bank.

  15. Oh hun .... you don't look terrible at all!!! You look fine fine fine ......

  16. I love the attitude!! I change my mindset about a year ago and realised that yes I am 100kg but who cares. Im not going to let that hold me back. Sometimes I dont do (mainly because I physically cant do them) but now I get out and about and enjoy my life as much as the next person, and I think that is the real reason I have been steadily losing weight.

    Heres to a fabulous 2008! And more beach swimming!! xx

  17. OK maybe it's because I'm overtired and depressed at being back at work, but that post just made me cry!!

    To think that anyone would hold back from life's simple pleasures like the beach because of our body-fears... it's so sad. I'm glad you told those fear where to go and enjoyed yourself!!

    By the way, you look great and happy - and like every other person enjoying the beach! So next time don't be so scared :)

  18. As someone who hasn't been to a public beach in years (at least not in a bathing suit) for all of the same reasons that kept you away for so long, I was truly moved by your post. At the risk of repeating what everyone else has said here... good for you! You are an inspiration!


  19. Way to go on going to the beach!! I used to cover up at all times but the past few years I just let it all hang out. Most people don't have perfect bodies when you look around and I want to live life to the fullest!!! Of course, as I say that and slid back and gained some I'm not that eager to get back on the local swimming pool but I will as my sons wants to swim. Must do it.

  20. Your self confidence and self love shone through today Tully, and I am so proud of you! At some point in our lives, we have to stand up and say "Who gives a shit what people think?". How many awesome experiences are we going to miss out on because we are shamed into not doing them? In total agreement with everyone else, I think you looked bloody fantastic. And by the way YOU ARE PRETTY regardless of what you weight. Remember that. x

  21. you look amazing! your smile is all that matters. i still haven't put on a bathing suit in 4 years...:-( now it's cold so i can't but i'm determined to go out in one this summer, whatever size i may be!

  22. Holy crap, girlie - look at all of these responses! I think you touched a lot of people with this post :-) {HUGZ}


Awww thanks so much for the comment!