Saturday, January 23, 2010

Mind Games

I am now at the lowest weight I have been in 10 years. In fact, only once in my entire life have I ever been at a lower weight than I am now. The weird thing about this is that I am feeling more self conscious about my weight than I can ever remember. The more weight I lose, the more aware of just how big I was, and still am.

In the past, as I have lost weight, I felt better about my body and my self confidence would grow with every kilo I lost. I would be happy to go shopping and buy new figure hugging clothes and basically show off! I couldn't feel more different lately, I just want to keep wearing my old clothes and draw as little attention to myself as possible.

I don't know if it is because as I have grown older my body has changed and things aren't springing back into place the way they used to... Or if it is because I have lost weight quite quickly and I haven't completely adjusted to the changes.

I think a lot of the way I am feeling is due to the fact I am still trying to build my confidence back up after getting so low when I was at my biggest. Looking back on it, I can see now that I was probably even more depressed than I realised and it might take a while for me to recover completely.

Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be happier with my progress and I am thrilled with the weight I have lost so far. Every day I find new reasons to be thankful for the weight I have lost and how it is changing my life. I think my mind just needs to catch up with my body.


  1. Perhaps another reason too? Maybe you are starting to realise that when you're overweight and things go wrong in your life it's easy to blame it on the weight - when the weight is coming off so are the excuses!

    Either way, the mind set of this journey is so much a bigger thing than the food and exercise, and you will adjust to that - well done on being the lowest weight, that's an awesome achievement - be proud of that, hope you're doing something to celebrate!

  2. I am doing the exact same thing, I haven't shopped at all. I think perhaps I am afraid it is not real. I have been down this road many times before :)

  3. I think that it is one of the challenges for many of us. Trying to get your mind in the same space as your body.

    Losing weight is the one thing that I could never accomplish long term. It's what I've struggled with, beaten myself up over and was almost foremost in my mind. With WLS it likely that this will no longer be the "mission impossible", that takes some getting used to as well.

    Congrats on your success, you've worked hard for it.

  4. I totally agree. I felt so much skinnier last time around. It wasn't that long ago...Wish I had something to make you feel better....Sorry!

  5. Hey sweets,

    I completely understand what you mean - I have been there too. I hope your head catches up to your body soon, as you really are looking so fantastic. It must be very frustrating to have lost so much weight and yet still feel like hiding away. I think it's great that you are completely aware of what's going on - surely that is the first step to feeling better.

    Big squishy hugs to you, my gorgeous bandita sister! :)


  6. It does sound like your head is taking a while to catch up with your body.... and I honestly believe you will just 'click' soon.. especially since you are going away on your travels.

    I think what will happen is you will just get out there - totally enjoy yourself - and semi-forget that you are on a whole weight loss journey - the focus will be off your body and onto other things. You will try something on somewhere (an item of clothing...) and go, well, sheeet, will you look at that!! I look frickin' amazing!!! I hope you feel better soon. You do sound like you've been down in the dumps.
    ((Hugs Tully))
    Cara x

  7. Congratulations on your weight, and sorry you're having a difficult time with it. I think it is a case of letting your head catch up, and feelign more secure in the fact that you're not going to gain again. you've made a big change in a relatively short space of time and it's bound to take some adjusting.

    I also agree with what Tania said. Whne you start gettign thinner you find it more difficult to use your weight as an all purpose reason for not doing things, and that can be hard too.

  8. Aww, take care and be kind to yourself. I'm sure your head will catch up with your body soon. Don't let it bring you down. Focus on the positives. Sounds like you're on the right track for that anyway. Baby steps! K :)

  9. Give it some more time and I'm sure your mind will catch up to your body. Be kind to yourself and be proud of all you have accomplished.

  10. There is no need to to be thin to be happy with yourself. Nothing wrong with you lady, if it's health go for it! If it's not, that's other peoples problem, but well done, you've done great so far. I have to say I love your entry titles.

  11. Hi...I just found your blog. Another Aussie. I have family in the East of Melbourne and love the Yarra Valley too. You look great and have changed so much from your first photos. It may take a while for the head to reach the body. Keep up the great work.


Awww thanks so much for the comment!