Oh my god, I finally did it. I just passed my driving test at the tender age of 29! Anyone that has been reading this blog for long may have picked up on the fact that I have been terrified to go for my driving test, so much so, that I don’t actually like to talk about it. Most people don't even know that I don't have my licence because I do my best to hide it unless anyone directly asks me. I just feel so relieved that I can stop hiding it and just feel like a normal, capable person.
I am still kind of shocked that I passed my test. I had a mind block that I couldn’t do it, and to me, this is just as big as all the weight I have lost so far. I know most people turn 18 and go and do the test and it is no big deal and may struggle to understand how this could be so hard for me. I can move from my family home in the country to the city by myself, go to uni to get a Masters degree, work a high pressured job, travel around the world for business and pleasure, but this little thing almost had me beat.
Driving probably doesn’t seem like much of a weight related issue, but for me it was. I didn’t have the confidence to drive when I turned 18 because I was so down on myself about my weight. I always thought I am too ‘fat and stupid’ to drive and my lack of confidence made me a nervous wreck. Over the years this lack of confidence escalated into a full blown fear, the more people hassled me for not driving, the bigger an issue it became for me.
I started taking lessons last year, but I didn’t get very far because I went through no less than 5 different instructors before I found someone that I didn't completely hate. The problem is that at my age it is very hard to have some idiot tell you what to do and I am obviously not very good at it (seriously, they felt the need to tell me to stop at every red light, like I didn’t already know that?!). In the end I had to stop being picky and just bite my tongue and get on with it. Once I started having consistent lessons, surprise surprise, it really wasn't that hard.
Funny story about my first ever driving lesson, I actually took the day off work because I was so nervous and thought I couldn’t do this because I am fat. Of course I knew that was crazy, but then I get in the driver’s seat and the seat was way too close to the wheel and I literally got stuck. My driving teacher was this tinsy tiny Mexican woman and had the seat so close to the wheel and I was at my biggest weight so it was never going to work. She kept saying the lever to move the seat back was on the right, but in my embarrassment I got flustered and kept looking on the left until she had to run around to my door and pull my seat back to get me out. Looking back now, it was very funny, at the time it wasn’t so funny!
I think the fact that I have lost a lot of weight has given me the confidence to do things like this that I never thought I could. Would I have done this if I still weighed 130 kilos? Probably not. I know that isn't the right thing to say and I should say I felt good about myself at any weight, but I didn't. I said this was the year I am focussing on FREEDOM and I am getting there one step at a time.
The first thing I’ll do with my licence? I'm going to drive to the gym all by myself to go to a Body Pump class and then go through Maccas drive through for a diet coke, man I know how to party!
Here are some pictures of me in my new (well new to me anyway) little Suzuki Swift, I love her so much!