I mentioned in a post a couple of weeks ago that the guilt of not telling people about my lap band surgery was eating away at me- pardon the pun. I have chosen to only tell a few people and, to be completely honest, if I thought that I could have got away with not telling anyone, I would have.
The particular problem I have is when I spend time with close friends and my eating habits are drastically different post-band that it seems really obvious that something is going on. I hang out a bit with my old best friend from high school, despite the fact she lives so far away, and she has commented on how slowly I eat and how small the portions of food I eat are now. That wouldn't bother me, except she was beating herself up that she wasn't able to eat like that too. Instant guilt.
About a week and a half ago she came down to stay in my new place and we went to see a band, before we went out we decided to have dinner and a bottle of wine at my favourite local pizza place across the road. The pizza came and we started eating and she said in a slightly embarrassed tone "Oh, are you still doing that thing where you eat slow and really small amounts?"
I didn't want to tell her, but I really felt that at this point I had no choice because my behaviour was making her feel insecure and I just couldn't handle it anymore. So I just blurted it out and told her the whole truth. I thought she would understand because she has known me longer than anyone and she has seen my incredibly drastic weight loss and weight gain over the years and knows the problems I have with food.
After I told her she really didn't say much and I kind of just kept talking because I wasn't sure if she wasn't saying anything because she thought it was weird or because she didn't know what lap band surgery is and also because I am just awkward like that. So I just kept blabbing about lap bands and then she changed the subject and she hasn't mentioned it since in any of the numerous texts or emails we have shared.
I really don't know if she is angry at me, envious that I had the surgery, thinks the whole surgery thing is crazy or just isn't that interested, but I feel kind of stupid now. I honestly think she probably just thinks the whole weight loss surgery thing is a little bit strange, and I completely understand that because I used to think that too, so she probably just needs some time to get used to it.
This is why I didn't want to tell people...