I saw 77.6 kilos (170.5 lbs) on the scale this morning, which means that I now only have 10 kilos to lose before I have a healthy BMI. WOW. So now I can be one of those girls that walk around sighing, “I just wish I could lose 10 kilos”. Which is fine, but when you have 65 kilos to lose, your sympathy level for their 10 kilos is a little low. Well now I get to discover just how frigging hard it’s going to be to lose the last 10 kilos and perhaps I might be a little more sympathetic?! I know it’s all relative and whether you have 5 kilos or 100 kilos to lose, it’s bloody hard for us all.
Though I do have to say that for many years I have heard that it is much harder to lose weight when you only have a little to lose. It used to freak me out because when I had a LOT to lose it already seemed really hard and I wondered how much bloody harder it could get. For me personally, the hardest part was losing the first 30 kilos and the rest has been much easier.
It’s the mental stuff that I found much harder when I was at my biggest-- going to the gym, saying no to the bag of chips and waking up each morning with a commitment to a healthy lifestyle. When I was at my biggest I physically couldn’t fit on some gym machines, I got those looks from some of the members at the gym and I struggled to find work out clothing in my size. Exercising at my size was quite painful and I didn’t get the joy or sense of achievement from it that I get now. Even as I lost the first 30 kilos, barely anyone noticed I had lost weight and I didn’t drop more than one size in clothing. So each day was still a constant struggle because I wasn’t getting those rewards that come with losing weight and I wondered if it really mattered if I went and ate a tub of ice cream.
Now that I have lost over 50 kilos (110 lbs) there is barely an hour that goes by in each day where I’m not grateful or aware of how far I have come. There are just so many little things that have changed my life since I have lost weight, from people looking me in the eye when they talk to me, to being able to have a seat on the tram and losing the constant fear I carried with me all the time. I no longer feel I have to apologise for my existence and all these changes make it so much easier to drag my arse to the gym and to say no to that bag of chips. I am rewarded for my hard work in so many ways each day that it just makes it so much easier to keep going.
I guess the next 10 kilos will bring a whole new set of challenges and frustrations, but right now I am just grateful that I have made it this far.