I saw 77.6 kilos (170.5 lbs) on the scale this morning, which means that I now only have 10 kilos to lose before I have a healthy BMI. WOW. So now I can be one of those girls that walk around sighing, “I just wish I could lose 10 kilos”. Which is fine, but when you have 65 kilos to lose, your sympathy level for their 10 kilos is a little low. Well now I get to discover just how frigging hard it’s going to be to lose the last 10 kilos and perhaps I might be a little more sympathetic?! I know it’s all relative and whether you have 5 kilos or 100 kilos to lose, it’s bloody hard for us all.
Though I do have to say that for many years I have heard that it is much harder to lose weight when you only have a little to lose. It used to freak me out because when I had a LOT to lose it already seemed really hard and I wondered how much bloody harder it could get. For me personally, the hardest part was losing the first 30 kilos and the rest has been much easier.
It’s the mental stuff that I found much harder when I was at my biggest-- going to the gym, saying no to the bag of chips and waking up each morning with a commitment to a healthy lifestyle. When I was at my biggest I physically couldn’t fit on some gym machines, I got those looks from some of the members at the gym and I struggled to find work out clothing in my size. Exercising at my size was quite painful and I didn’t get the joy or sense of achievement from it that I get now. Even as I lost the first 30 kilos, barely anyone noticed I had lost weight and I didn’t drop more than one size in clothing. So each day was still a constant struggle because I wasn’t getting those rewards that come with losing weight and I wondered if it really mattered if I went and ate a tub of ice cream.
Now that I have lost over 50 kilos (110 lbs) there is barely an hour that goes by in each day where I’m not grateful or aware of how far I have come. There are just so many little things that have changed my life since I have lost weight, from people looking me in the eye when they talk to me, to being able to have a seat on the tram and losing the constant fear I carried with me all the time. I no longer feel I have to apologise for my existence and all these changes make it so much easier to drag my arse to the gym and to say no to that bag of chips. I am rewarded for my hard work in so many ways each day that it just makes it so much easier to keep going.
I guess the next 10 kilos will bring a whole new set of challenges and frustrations, but right now I am just grateful that I have made it this far.
You know, I was pondering this the other day.
ReplyDeleteI have 15kg to lose to get to the top of my healthy weight range - currently 90, so looking to get to 75 (and then down to 70).
When I was 101kg (seven years ago - I lost 25kg and have since regained up to 92kg), I was so very desperate to lose the weight. I hated everything about my body, and I knew that I was really putting myself in danger by carrying on with my binge-eating, non-exercising ways.
Now, though? I don't hate my body. I look in the mirror and think that I don't look too bad (though I hate how I look in clothes, strangely). I can't help but wonder if the fact that I don't hate the way I look is making it harder for me to lose this 15kg.
I'm not saying that someone should have to wait until the point of pure and utter self loathing before they do something about their weight problems, but I do have to wonder whether there is a correlation between my opinion of self and my desperation to lose.
It's all a bit strange, though. I mean, surely because I don't hate the way I look, I should be wanting to look as good as I possibly can?
I can't imagine that you lost 30 kg. and NO ONE noticed or that you only dropped one size. How frustrating that must have been! So glad you stuck in there!
ReplyDeleteMy goodness!
ReplyDeleteCan I put something into perspective for you?
- You are 12 kgs lighter than Mr Bandit.
- If you ever saw any picture of my stunning, skinny friend Meg, you are only 2-4 kgs off her and she is the same height and looks incredible.
I feel like I haven't logged in to say hi for the longest time and you've shrunk even more, those curent pictures are amazing Tully.
Sorry I couldn't catch up today but just imagine how much you'll blow my socks off when we do say hi. I cannot wait.
Congratulations! That is so fantastic!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations beautiful girl - I'm so excited for you! You deserve every happiness :-)
ReplyDeletexxx
CONGRATULATIONS! You must be feeling on top of the world at the moment!
ReplyDeleteOne day I'll get there myself.
Great post Tully. You are amazing! XO
ReplyDeleteI love that you have been posting heaps lately! Your blog gives me such a boost and really inspires me, so thank you :)
ReplyDeleteI love this post. "I no longer feel I have to apologize for my existence".
ReplyDeleteThis really is, for me, the most-harmful consequence of being overweight in a culture which puts thinness on a pedestal. (I'm American but live in Paris.) There isn't a day that goes by where I don't feel the hate and disgust directed my way. Parisians have very low tolerance for females which are not pretty and perfect.
That said, what you've written here is very motivating and I'm going to reflect on your post today.
Well done you! You should be so proud of yourself! Good luck with the last 10 kilos - you look fantastic!
ReplyDeleteLooking great. Keep it up - You'll get there.
ReplyDeleteBTW You are already pretty.
Two words ; You rock!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou were beautiful before but even more so now ... inspirational :)