Cloak of Invisability

I recently followed an old friend on twitter and in response to my profile picture she sent me a message saying that she thought I looked great and that I looked like Christina Ricci. Firstly, that is a very flattering thing to say, but unfortunately it’s not really true, it was just the angle of the photo. But, what struck me was that this is the first time in my life that someone has ever said I look like anyone. When you are obese, no one ever compares your appearance to a famous celebrity or even to fellow family members.

My photo on twitter

My dad’s family love comparing people to other family members, constantly saying that such and such has this cousins smile or the family nose. No one ever said I looked like anyone in my family and I assumed that people would be insulted to be compared to me in looks. Once someone said, I guess you look more like your mum. At this time, my mum was overweight and I got the strong impression that I was being likened to her only because of my weight, because I actually look much more like my dad.

I once had an awkward moment at a work training day where everyone in the group had to introduce themselves and then say which celebrity they most get compared to. Never mind that I hate those stupid ‘get to know you’ things with a passion, but I just didn’t have anything to say. I was at my biggest and I just couldn’t think of anyone to say without looking like an idiot. Was I supposed to just say a famous woman who is fat, because at that time I felt like that was all people saw in me? I panicked and just didn’t answer the question. The trainer kept pushing it and eventually left me alone when she noticed I had gone bright red and was very flustered.

The thing is, I couldn’t care less if I was compared to someone as gorgeous as Christina Ricci or even if it was a less flattering comparison. It was just nice to feel seen for once. Since I have lost weight it feels like the cloak of invisibility I have been wearing my whole life has been lifted. It has been a weird experience as I get used to people striking up a conversation with me in the elevator or holding the door open for me or even just looking me in the eye when we speak. I actually find it quite terrifying as I am quite shy, but I am slowly getting used to being seen for the first time in my life.