Sunshine!

If you are in Melbourne today you would be enjoying a beautiful (almost) spring day. I actually love cold and wintry days, but I also get excited when the first signs of summer start. I am sure that come the middle of January when I am sweltering in 40 degree heat I won't be quite as excited, but right now it is enough to put an extra spring (pun intended) in my step. This sunshine is very inspiring, it makes me feel like getting active and eating fresh and healthy foods. I even broke out the fake tan and wax strips last night to get me right in the mood.

What is off putting is the pesky weight gain I have had lately. It is almost like my brain didn't connect with the fact I had gained weight until I went shopping yesterday and nothing fit me. I mean I knew I had gained weight, but I sort of dismissed it because I had other things going on to worry about. I am hitting the town with some girlfriends in Geelong on the weekend and not only do none of my clothes fit but none of the clothes I tried on in the shops looked any good. Way to put a dampener on a fun night out. Oh well, I will just have to rely on the vodka for confidence...

I have been back in the swing of things with my low carb eating this week and feeling good again so I know I'll get there in time. I just get a bit excited and feel like after a day of eating on plan I should miraculously lose 15 kilos and fit into all my clothes again. I then torture myself and try on clothes I know won't fit and then stand in front of the mirror and try to talk myself into thinking I can get away with it. I mean if I suck my stomach in and stand on this angle with my shoulders back in dark lighting you almost can't tell... Luckily reason won and I put away the skin tight jeans for now. I am going to go on one last shopping trip tomorrow morning- because we all know that those last minute desperate shopping trips are so successful and not stressful at all... Oh well, I am not going to let it get me down, this sunny day just makes me too happy!

Pregnant Women

I have about had it with pregnant women making insulting weight related remarks. I work in a youngish, female dominated industry and they seem to be getting preggers left right and centre. So every social work conversation invariably leads to them talking about pregnancy/baby issues. Yes, fascinating I know. That is fine though, I understand it must be a shock to a tiny size 8 frame to all of a sudden be carrying a weight the size of a basketball. What annoys me is when they start talking about how disgusting it is to be so fat.

Not only do they talk about how disgusting being fat is but they constantly make a big deal about all the things they can't do now that they are pregnant- and I don't mean each blue cheese. This is embarrassing because they are often things I can't do because of my weight and hearing a group of women exclaim over it makes me feel uncomfortable. Surely everyone must realise that if this pregnant woman can't do X or Y because of her girth, then fatty over there (me) can't do it either because even though I am not pregnant, I am actually wider then the pregnant woman.

I just think that these people are adults and should be more sensitive to other people. If I suddenly decided to dye my hair orange* I wouldn't come to work and complain about how revolting I am now that I have orange hair and that having orange hair is ugly and I especially wouldn't say it to someone with orange hair!!!

Rant over.

*No offence to anyone with orange hair, that is just a dumb example. I actually wish I could pull off being a red head, I think it is very hot.

Moving Sucks

So for the last two weeks I have been flat out moving house. It is just disgusting how much crap I have. I just have so much furniture and appliances and electrical goods. It almost makes me feel uncomfortable, like I am weighed down by it all. I hate feeling so tied down by work, credit card debt, having a lease and having so much stuff. I wonder how I got to this point where I feel so constrained. The majority of things I do these days are because I have to or I feel obligated. I think I might need to make some radical changes next year. I don't know what yet, but I know I am not happy living like this.

So it is a little creepy being out in the suburbs, but I am getting used to it. The first night we went there we only stayed 15 minutes and then left because we hated it so much. I am now enjoying all the extra space and having some peace and quiet. It is a nice house to entertain in, I had all my family over yesterday for lunch and it was so easy and comfortable. I also have a huge bedroom with an ensuite and a walk in robe, I almost feel like a queen in there.

While I was moving house I ate absolute crap every night. We had been going to the old place every night after work, packing boxes till late and then getting a take away on the 45 minute drive back to our new place. I didn't even try and eat healthy because I just didn't give a fuck by that stage. I am now pretty much settled in and ready to get back on board low carb. Though as I type this it is Monday evening and I am still going to be at work for a few more hours. I didn't pack any dinner and my resistence to the vending machine is getting lower by the minute. Maybe I'll get back on board tomorrow...

*** EDIT: Don't try and save me, I just went hammer and tongs at the vending machine. Who ever invented double coated cherry ripes is a fucking genious. ***

Energised!

So far so good on this low carb diet. I am not actually following Atkins, I am too lazy to actually follow any diet strictly! I am just cutting processed carbs from my diet. I have to say, I have had more energy over the past few days then I have had in years. I am not sure if it is related to this diet, but I hope I continue to feel this good.

The other great thing I noticed is that while I was packing up my pantry for my big move to the suburbs I made a pile of food I had to leave out that I would need over the next couple of weeks. I was shocked to find that the only items I needed from my pantry were a couple of spices. All other food I am eating is fresh from the fridge. Normally I rely heavily on pasta, rice, muesli bars, rice cakes and packet sauces. It has been great preparing and eating all fresh and unprocessed foods.

On another note, I was tagged by Marshmallow...

What's something you'd love to say to your younger selves of 2, 5, 10, and 15 years ago?

2 years ago

I was 25 years old, I would say be patient and don't expect your career to happen over night. Enjoy your work and study and just chill out for a while and have some fun. You are on the right track and you will get there. Also, awesome work on that 20 kilo weight loss, you are looking great!

5 years ago

I was 22 years old, I would say that you have the strength to pull yourself out of this mess and that things will get better. You are not worthless and you don't have to continue to allow yourself to be treated like you are. Hang in there, things will get better.

10 years ago

I was 17 years old, I would say that you are about to embark on the time of your life- have fun and enjoy it, you are only young once. Oh I wish I could be you again!

15 years ago

I was 12 years old, I would say to be yourself and don't change for anyone. People will like you if you stay true to who you are. Also, you are not as fat as you think you are, don't stress about it and stop dieting!

Low Carb

I started the Tony Ferguson diet a couple of weeks ago and learnt that limiting carbs were part of the programme. I have never counted a carb in my life and until last week I wouldn’t have been able to even hazard a guess at how many carbs there are in a chocolate bar or a piece of bread- though I could reel off the fat and calorie counts. The more I looked into low carb eating and how it worked on the TF programme, the more interested in it I became.

It occurred to me that it might be more beneficial to follow a low carb diet and eliminate the shakes altogether. I find shake diets to be extremely beneficial in eliminating food from my life, as a food addict, there are times I need to stop thinking about food and this is the only way I can do that. So the fact that TF included both food and shakes didn’t work for me personally. I was intrigued by the benefits of low carb eating and did some more research on it to investigate if it would work for me. I needed to take into account and my health concerns (PCOS) and was pleasantly surprised to see that it was recommended for people with insulin problems.

The low carb diet I am following is Atkins. Yes the A word. I have had an incredible amount of criticism since I told friends and family I am following this diet. I have been on shake diets and got less criticism, yet on this everyone has an (often un-informed) opinion. I am keeping an open mind on this diet, I honestly don’t know if it will work out or not but I think it is worth a try. So far I don’t feel hungry, I am enjoying the food and I have a lot of extra energy. I am also able to drink wine, and eat in restaurants easily which suits my lifestyle. I have also lost a few kilos along the way. Could this be too good to be true?

Here are just some of the foods I have been eating…

Breakfast
• Zucchini quiche (egg, zucchini, spring onion, cheese, cream)
• Omelette (filled with onion, capsicum and cheese)
• Poached eggs with bacon

Lunch
• Chicken salad (lettuce, cucumber, onion, capsicum, grilled chicken with mayonnaise)
• Caesar salad (lettuce, bacon, parmesan cheese, boiled eggs with caesar dressing)
• Greek salad (lettuce, olives, fetta cheese, onion, cucumber with extra virgin olive oil)

Dinner
• Kebabs (chicken, beef, onion and capsicum) with cauliflower and broccoli sprinkled with cheese
• Pork chops with stir fried cabbage, onion and bacon
• Lamb chops with asparagus spears, grilled zucchini and cauliflower
• Burritos (chicken breast wrapped inside lettuce leaf with cheese, tomato salsa and sour cream)
• Steak with vegetables baked in olive oil and rosemary

Snacks- if needed
• Celery sticks with philly cheese
• Olives
• Boiled egg
• Piece of cheese
• Handful of nuts

Sweets- if needed
• Cheesecake
• Diet jelly
• Lindt 85% chocolate

Fat Discrimination at Work

A friend of mine told me about a conversation he overheard between two managers at his work last week. They were discussing the hiring of a new staff member and said that although the candidate was qualified and seemed like a good job match, they didn't want to hire him because of he was overweight. They assumed he would be lazy because he was overweight and instead of hiring the qualified applicant they instead decided to re-advertise the position and look for someone else.

It sounds outrageous and unbelievable, but I had a similar situation myself when I was at my heaviest weight of 128.5 kilos. I applied for my dream job at my dream company, and I was asked in for two extensive interviews. They rang all of my referees and from all accounts they seemed to like me. They then rang me to tell me that I didn't get the job and had decided to go with another candidate. I was really disappointed but thought it seemed fair enough, obviously there was someone more qualified then me.

It wasn't until a week later that one of my referees called me because she wanted to tell me about the call she had from my potential employer. They had asked her about my weight and if it would affect me in the job. Keep in mind this was for your typical desk job and didn't require any physical work. They apparently went on to ask her further questions about my weight and said they were concerned by how it would affect me in the job role. My referee thought I should know and in a way I am glad that she told me.

I was humiliated and felt like I didn't deserve a good job. I was so down about the situation that I stopped applying for my dream job and instead got myself a job in a mindless call centre (at a much hated company) where I was abused by customers all day. In my mind, I felt that this was the kind of job I deserved and I didn't feel like I could or should get anything better.

I have people try to tell me that there isn't such thing as fat discrimination and that it is all in my head. They say that people will treat you how you ask to be treated or that it is just a matter of confidence. This is true in some cases, but not always. I have too many examples to even get into the amount of times I have been treated like either a total moron or a sloth because people assume I am fat and stupid or fat and lazy. Further to this there are many other times where I have been openly ridiculed and abused or completely ignored because of my weight.

I now have a great job where I am judged by my abilities rather then my appearance, but yet I still struggle day to day to believe that I deserve this job. It is important to me that I am always first at work and last to leave and that I rarely take breaks. I guess in a way I feel that I have to prove to myself and my colleagues that, while I am fat, I am not stupid and lazy.