I offered a while back to organise a hens night (or bachelorette party for you Americans) for a friend a while back. She isn't having bridesmaids, but I am one of her closest friends in Australia (she moved here from the US two years ago). So, because we have both been busy at work, nothing really came of it until last week when she emailed me and asked me to put it together for this Saturday. Shit!!!
She gave me a list of friends (7 girls) and her only two instructions were that she wants it at a hotel suite in the city and she wants a stripper. So (at great expense) I found a hotel suite that is available during the prelim finals here in footy crazy Melbourne. I kind of stepped in and vetoed the stripper idea. The strippers I looked up were revolting, if we saw a guy like that out at a bar we would both think he looked like a sleaze. I think she also didn't think about how awkward it would be. I went to a hens night with a stripper and it was really embarrassing and I am not a prude at all. Instead I found a topless waiter who is HOT HOT HOT, but in a tasteful and sophisticated way- if you can use those words about topless waiters. Anyway, this guy will help with food and drinks and party games so I will be paying him to do something useful as well as look good.
This is him, I am not sure if I am allowed to post pics of people, but I got it from the website so I hope it is ok!
Now, this is where I need help. I really want it to be an awesome night for her but I am a bit lost. Does anyone have any good ideas for games?
Are there any rules I should follow? I saw on a website before that I am supposed to buy her a hens present. I didn't even think of this! Is there anything else I am missing?
What is your opinion on sex toys? To dildo or not to dildo, that is the question...
Please help! Thrifty ideas are especially appreciated because this is costing me an absolute fortune.
*** Update- awkward situation. Two of the girls I invited just emailed me to say that they think the $50 contribution to festivities I asked for was too high. The hen said to ask for $50 from everyone to cover the hotel suite and she thought everyone would be fine with that (ie. all young, single girls with jobs). Even if everyone who comes gives me $50 I will still be out of pocket by hundreds of dollars! They also said they were bringing a friend each and that the friends shouldn't have to pay because they are guests. But they will still be getting free food and alcohol that I am buying! I don't know what to say, I hate these situations.
I'd run as fast as I could. I organised a hen's party for a "friend" several years ago, similar situation and it turned out really bad. Are you able to cancel the hotel without it costing you?
ReplyDeleteAs for the guests, if they are coming along and drinking etc then they should pay. If someone invites a friend then they should either make sure the friend is paying or pay themselves to cover it.
Oh yuk.... That sounds like a crap situation to be in Tully...
ReplyDeleteDid you email those girls back and explain just how much this was all going to cost! If I was one being invited and was asked to contribute I wouldnt hesitate... especially if the bride to be was a good friend of mine... damn some people are selfish...Good luck with it all..
Bloody hens nights eh.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, you are organising it, but for someone else. Go back to Bridelady and explain about everything - she gave you hardly any lead in time which is really unfair and also trying to organise something any weekend of sep in melbourne is a nightmare.
I have been in this situation! Such a pain. Let us know how you get on.
What cheap bitches. I say forget the hotel and the waiter, hold it in a bar and let them pay for their own drinks. Or let the bride pay if she wants it so bad.
ReplyDeleteI have been lucky to NOT be in that position. Ugh. Good luck, hope it's over soon, hope all the friendships remain intact.
ReplyDeleteBachelorette parties can be pretty fun. If you guys will be going "out" ~ something that is always fun... develop a list of items for the bachlorette (hen) to find and then get her picture with that items. You could say a scavenger hunt. Items to have her look for include:
ReplyDelete1. guy with longer hair than hers
2. guy with a tattoo of her name
3. guy who will shoot a shot with her
Good luck with it!
Oh sweetie! Don't let them take advantage of your good nature hon. Firstly, I'd DEFINITELY tell the bride what's happening... I don't know how it works in the US, but it's totally unfair for you to be hundreds of dollars out of pocket! And I would absolutely go back to the other girls and explain that their friends have to pay up, too. You're doing the bride a favour by organising this... I can't believe she would expect you to pay for the whole thing too! :(
ReplyDeleteGood luck with it sweets.
xoxo
Urgh. I'm sure there's all sorts of etiquette around this sort of thing, but really, it's not worth the hassle. I don't think, under any circumstances, you should have to be hundreds of dollars out of pocket, particularly for a woman you haven't known *that* long. I've only been to one hen's night, where we went to the Hen's house for drinks and party games (Pin the Willy on the Stud (or something to that effect), penis shaped pinata, some game with a dildo that I missed because I was late), then took a taxi into the city to a strip club. It was a *lot* better than I'd expected. Each girl (there were about 10 of us) paid $35, plus whatever the taxi cost, I'm not sure who put up the money for the games and the drinks, I think it was a collaboration between the Hen and the MOH.
ReplyDeletePut your foot down. If you're not going to be able to recoup the vast majority of the money, then don't do it. You're doing her a favour. I'm also not entirely sure about the friends bringing friends thing, unless this has all been passed past the Hen- I think it's rude to invite someone extra to something like that, it's not at all like a birthday party with lots of people. 2 people from 7 inviting 2 extra people throws a whole new dynamic on something that should be special for the bride.
Gah. Clearly this gets me a bit riled up.
Email them back & let them know it was the brides suggestion everyone puts in $ 50 & point out that un der those circumstances you will still be out of pocket. Also explain that unfortunately you feel it is inappropriate for them to bring additional guests as the bride made up the guest list.
ReplyDeleteIf there is no luck & they still want to be rude stingy cows, go back to the bride & tell her you are sorry, you are happy to organise her hens night but it will be a much lower key affair than what she was wanting as her guests are not prepared to contribute and you are unabel to withstand the whole cost.
Good luck :-)
In my experience everyone who attends a hen party splits the costs evenly. If it's getting too expensive (and it is by the sounds of things) then you'll have to rethink it.
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone have a house you can hold the do at? That'll save you hundreds of dollars.
Plus everyone should BYO - no way should alcohol be provided free! Tell each girl to bring a bottle of spirits, a mixer and a plate of snacks... that way you won't resent people bringing "guests" (does the hen know the additonal others? If not then that's not quite right).
Ah Tully - what a shite position to be put in. I completely second everything Tracey said & if the wedding is not too close, you could try what miche said as well. Let us know how you go.
ReplyDeleteThe hen's nights I've been too didn't have any games - one was at a strip place; the other was a pub crawl, sorry no help in that dept!!
PS If the guests (& their uninvited friends) didn't ask what they could bring or contribute............they shouldn't be comming to the shindig!
So this is how it works in Sweden :)
ReplyDelete1. Only girls invited to the wedding, is invited and attends the hens night.
2. All girls (excluding bride) splits the cost even. If it gets too expensive - change activities.
3. People usually tend to lose all their politeness when it comes to wedding and wedding activities. Those people need to be informed of what the "rules" are and how this event works.
4. Hens night is something you plan for months. If you have such a short time I would just stick to having a theme party at someones place. Theme can be "the 80's" (you can all dress up and listen to Madonna and drink martinis) or some theme that suits the bride's interests.
For party ideas, here are a few:
ReplyDelete- Let the bride to be do a quick painting of the first thing she thinks of when it comes to her husband-to-be. Then hand over at wedding.
- All sorts of trivia of course... Let all the girls fill out a questionnaire and then the bride have to match which girl wrote what. Or do a guessing game, you ask a question i.e. "Who is the biggest bed hog?", everyone writes down their answer (bride or groom) and then the bride reveals the correct answer.
- Ask every girl to bring a very small gift (set limit of $10) that in some way symbolizes their friendship with the bride and let the bride guess who brought what.
- Do a house wife-test, set up a few questions "How do you get out grass stains?", "What do you do if the sause got too much salt in it?", read ingredients and ask what the result will be... Pretty fun since we are not usually house wives anymore and have no clue about stuff like this...
In Sweden we are pretty nice to eachother, we don't do the stripper- or dildothing at all. :) Good luck!
I agree with Tracy. Email them back, tell them the actual costs of this party the bride wants and no uninvited guests (i.e. gate crashers)! I also agree with Saffa Chick, make it BYOB! I would cc the email to the bride, too. You should NOT be out $100s for a hen's night!
ReplyDeleteOuch. The amount that you've asked for is totally reasonable! They've taken the liberty to invite guests, and those guests should contribute as well. You should not be assuming the majority of the expenses. If you take a look at my blog, I recently spoke of what we did for my friends' "bachelorette". I ended up spending about $300 and I'm not even in the bridal party! Granted, the evening was rather lavish, but still.
ReplyDeleteOne FREE activity that took place was having the bride to be complete a check list that we had created for her complete with embarrassing tasks. We were out at a nightclub, and she had several different things to complete, such as getting a guys phone number, ask the oldest looking man at the bar to dance, have her wear a white t-shirt and have men sign it, get a stranger to buy a drink and so on.. It's free and hilarious!
What a terrible situation you've been put in Tully. Fancy her 'friends' thinking $50 is too much and plan on bringing freeloaders to boot. Hope you put your foot down and it all works out ok for you.
ReplyDelete