I have had that Katy Perry song, Hot N Cold, stuck in my head all week because I heard it the other day and it reminded me of my behaviour at the moment. I just looked up the lyrics and realised that it is a song about a break up, so probably not really relevant to my weight problems, but it has been a catchy anthem for me nonetheless.
In pains me to have to have to write that I still can't get my shit together. One day I am doing great and then the next I back to eating uncontrollably. I had a great day yesterday and even had dinner ready in the fridge for me to heat up, but I was thwarted by the mailbox and a pesky pizza menu. When I check the mail after work at about 6.30 pm, I am starving and can't think clearly and seeing a picture of that cheesey pizza was just too much for me. It would have been quicker to heat up my left over casserole, but instead I ordered a pizza and waited the 30 minutes before it was delivered and then ate almost a whole pizza.
I have put myself in a bad position at the moment and food seems to be the only thing that is bringing me any joy. I am unhappy at work and at home and so when I get frustrated and upset I tell myself that I should be able to have some happiness and that ice cream will bring me that happiness. Of course I feel like crap afterwards and even worse when more and more of my clothes stop fitting me, but I keep doing this.
Some of the solution lies in me sorting out my work and personal problems, which I am doing, but I also need to stop turning to food for comfort. Hmmm, easier said than done...
I just ate a huge piece of cake. Huge. ENORMOUS. Yellow cake with crushed pineapple on top. That doesn't sound so bad right? I mean it's got fruit. But what I am not telling you is the pineapple is hidden under a huge layer of vanilla custard mixed with cream cheese and then whipped cream on top of that. Oh. My. God. It was so good I almost had an orgasm. Okay I will not lie to you anymore. I had one. Alright? Are you happy?
ReplyDeleteDid I tell you that before the cake with pineapple, custard and whipped cream, I ate a frozen weight watchers three cheese ziti marinara?
Um, yeah... I feel your pain girl. You are not alone.
You know what I need? A semi-serious stomach flu. That would really help jump start my diet...
Bloody never ending battle, tell me about it! pfffft.
ReplyDeleteRe: my daughter's miscarriage... we couldn't be HAPPIER she miscarried mate... it would have been a life of hell for a kid having to stay with her... and no doubt at all it would have ended up in care.. or worse... with us!
She is fine by the way... on to the next guy now!
This no doubt sounds HARSH... but if you knew her you would understand.
Even if you're only eating properly on some days, it's better than not at all. It may take some time to get back into the swing of things, even if you're not going down the right path, at least you're facing the right direction? It's hard, but try and focus on the positive things you're doing.
ReplyDeleteI know this too well. When you become conscious of what you're doing but you still can't stop. All I can say is therapy helped me with that.
ReplyDeleteI have done things like that - set myself up for a good day, all planned, all junk food out of the house, all the things you are meant to do, and yet I still had enough energy to jump in the car drive to the supermarket, stock up on chocolate and chips and eat until I could no longer stand up. So frustrating how easy it is to sabotage oneself. And so completely unfair.
ReplyDeleteYou so can do this:) Maybe not all at once, but you can do this. If I could send inspiration or hugs down the internets I would, but please know that I am certain you can do this.
Why oh why does this have to be a never ending battle. Some days watching what you eat and working out seems so incredibly routine and youre just rocking away at weight loss AND then there are those other days. The days where you think eff it, I want to eat pizza like everyone else gets to eat pizza. I want to watch TV and not go to the gym like everyone else gets to.
ReplyDeleteI am with you and fight these same battles everyday. The only advise that I can give is that each day is a new day, and a new day gives you a chance to start fresh with what you eat. Somedays are easier than others, but no matter what, you always have a new day to look forward to.
I absolutely love that Katy Perry song... and it can be your anthem for losing weight as that's how YOU interpret it.. that's the joy about music!
ReplyDeletei had a really bad food day yesterday.. involved a hamburger and some oreos.. I feel your pain! Back to the gym today and trying to control my eating!
I know exactly what you mean, the all or nothing feelings, the only way I can stop that is to just give myself baby steps to do, trying to be perfect is never ever going to work for me so I just make myself do one thing each day, like this week it is the treadmill and that seems to be working, I am more energetic and don't seem to want to eat as much crap. Being kind to myself and not striving for an unrealistic perfection is my way of stopping the next day binge. Although to be honest I usually only make it to morning tea when I am trying to be perfect.
ReplyDeleteThose delivery menus are SO tempting. There are so many times that a very good dinner totally gets thwarted by a thai food menu. It's so hard to break a bad cycle. But as my nutritionist says, one bad day doesn't destroy the week. It's an average.
ReplyDeleteBTW the cake April describes in her comment sounds awesome.
Well if you are having good days then the news isn't all bad. It's a huge thing to deal with and impossible to overcome in one day. Any improvement is better than none at all :)
ReplyDeleteOh hell you are down aren't you? I've been there and comfort eating is... comforting...!
ReplyDeleteLike you said, perhaps you have to fix the cause of your distress before you can fix the symptoms. Not easy - but maybe worth it in the long run?
In my case it took a job move and house move to sort me out.
Oh, and luckily I find the pictures on takeaway menus gross, else I'd be in trouble!
Hope your having a better week!
ReplyDeleteKeep your chin up.....there are obviously many people who care about you and it's sad when your down.
xxx
thank you so much for your comment. i am feeling pretty rock bottom myself. You made me feel much better babe!
ReplyDeleteI really do feel for you, I've been in the very same position. I wish I could put my finger on the exact thing that helps turn it around for me (hoping one day I'll figure it out so I don't keep tumbling over it again and again).
ReplyDeleteYou're very mindful of what you're doing as you're doing it, that's definitely a great start, blogging about it - even the bad days - is another good thing (definitely helped to get me out of my own pit).
Hang in there x
Much easier said than done to replace food with some other way of being comforted.
ReplyDeleteEven if you're off and on plan, at least you're on plan some of the time! Better than being totally off plan.
Keep trying. I hope you get things sorted soon. Take care.
Girl. I so almost ordered pizza yesterday because there were coupons in the mailbox. Our mail handlers are out to destroy us.
ReplyDeleteWe all have these days.
Don't feel bad about coming on here to say you've been feeling up and down, lady. Even the most successful 'losers' have days when they feel on top of things and days when the old habits come knocking on the door. But I know how you feel; it's so hard to admit defeat after blogging about how you've definitely got your shit together. Just remember that we're all here to support you, and we think you're amazing no matter what!
ReplyDeletexxx
ps. Do as I do and leave the mail in the letterbox for someone else to collect. Works wonders! ;)
ReplyDeleteWe all have up and down days. I know that on Friday's (after weigh in) I'll have a bit of yummy food like cake or shakes or fast food. Then on Saturday back to being good (ish!). The main thing when you fall is to get back up.
ReplyDeleteEm
Caught up on your last couple of posts. You do sound really down. I can relate to letting weight stopping you leading the life you want, e.g. not going to the concert, worrying about chairs holding your weight..... So easy to turn to food for comfort. Don't know what to suggest, but hope life starts going a lot smoother for you soon:-)
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