Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Last Week


I am catching a flight to Sydney with my colleague (tall, blond, skinny, gorgeous) and I have a really bad feeling the seat belt on the plane won't fit me. So I spend all morning worrying and trying to come up with a reason why we should go to the airport separately (so I can check in before her and change my seat). We go to the electronic check-in counter and I very quickly and discretely change my seat, though she does mention that it is weird that we are seated apart and I think she thinks I changed my seat because I don't want to sit with her. So I sit on the plane and only just fit my arse in the seat and only just get the seat belt done up and pretty much hold my breath the entire time in order to take up less room. I can't get the dinner tray down and I can't plug my head phones in because my body is in the way, so I just stare straight ahead for the duration of the flight and hate myself.


I go out with friends for dinner and then drinks at a trendy bar in the city. I notice with a sickening feeling that the chairs were extremely flimsy and probably couldn't take my weight (similar to above). So I perch on the edge and try to carry all my weight in my legs so as not to break the chair. The happy buzz from the bottle of wine that I shared with friends in the restaurant earlier completely disappears and I am literally sweating from fear that the chair will break and the pain of holding myself up. After an hour I make up an elaborate excuse to grab another chair that looks more solid from another table, though I don't think anyone notices because none of my friends are the kind of people who would ever consider that I am so fat that I could break a chair. I try to enjoy the rest of the night, but I am so angry with myself and embarrassed at what might have been that I just want to go home. The next day I can barely walk from the pain of tensing my legs and arse muscles and holding my weight all night.


  1. oh tully. babe my heart is breaking for you reading that post.

    if there was something, anything that i can do to help you or to sort it all out and get to where you want to go - i'd do it.

    if you can think of anything, no matter what it is, i am asking you girl. please...TELL ME.

  2. I know the feeling! Scheming, trying to think of ways to discretely deal with an insufferable situation... I hate this and I feel for you <3

  3. You poor thing, how horrible. Thank heavens both of them are behind you. It's just awful how badly things like that can topple any good mood and affect a whole night's enjoyment.

    I really do feel for you. I've been in similar situations before. I went through so much subterfuge to hide from my colleagues when I had to have two seats booked for me for a work flight, it was about the most stressful trip I've ever been on.

    I really hope you're feeling a wee bit better.

    take care

  4. Oh Tully, I sympathise, I've been in similar situations. When I was at my biggest I once broke a chair at someone's house (I am convinced they gave me a broken chair to begin with but anyway, let's not go there!)and I also (stupidly) went on a jumping castle at a kid's party and the whole thing deflated!!! After those incidents, I was a big wallflower and really tried to stay in the background!

    I know how awful you must be feeling - the humiliation of incidents like these is tough to recover from.

    I guess it's all about trying to put these things in perspective in your head (ie: what is the worst that can happen, you're with friends who would help and not judge you, etc), and more importantly, use them as motivation to get you where you want to be. Visualise how good life will be when you can just get on a plane without worrying about whether you'll fit in the seat, when you can sit on a chair without thinking twice whether it will hold your weight or not....I can't tell you how great it feels not to worry about those things anymore!

    If you really don't want to be in those situations anymore, use them to spur you on. That's what I did. Every time I was tempted to skip my walk and drop on to the couch with a block of chocolate after a hard day, I trained myself to have a visual slideshow of all the horrible moments which reminded me that I didn't want my life to be like that anymore - thighs chafing when I walked, busting out of men's size 40 jeans, not being able to bounce on a trampoline with my nephews, etc! It worked, it really did. As humiliating as these moments are, you really can turn them around and use them to feed your determination.

    You seem like a lovely person who is a lot of fun - so you shouldn't be sitting alone on a plane!

    Hope this has helped, and that in future moments like these are just things you can look back on and see how far you've come....I know you can do it!!!


  5. You have no idea how much I completely empathize with this post. It's like you were writing this with me in mind!

    I cant even begin to tell you how nervous I get prior to a flight. I am not worried about the safety of the plane, rather, how much room am I going to take up? Trying to make sure that I get everything out that I need prior to putting my bag under the seat in front of me because lord knows I wont be able to get at it once the plane takes off.

    Just remember to be proud of yourself for the accomplishments that you are making, regardless if they are on the scale or not. You are a fantastic writer, and I absolutely love checking in on your blog!

  6. I've been in these situations many times before. It's the worst when you are on a bus and no one wants to sit next to you cause you take up one and a half seats. People would rather stay standing than sit next to me, but could you blame them?

  7. {{{Hugs}}} beautiful girl. I know exactly how you feel.


  8. Tully... I think that you are at "THAT" point....
    You know what I am talking about.. the point where you say.. Fuck this... my weight IS affecting my life... every thought.. every movement..
    You need to make your mind up about what you are going to do about it.. are you going to stuggle with being overweight for the rest of your life or make the LIFE LONG decision that you are going to do something about it. Not just for a few months, but for life! Anyone with a weight problem that has lost weight and kept it off will tell you that you need to make life long changes to your lifestyle..
    I want to help you.. please let me know if I can!

  9. I feel you. I've been in similar situations before. Oh, the things people take for granted.

    You're so honest that's why I love reading your blog.

    Here's to hoping that the muscle pain goes away son =)

  10. Oh babe, I have been there too and I agree with YM, it's THAT time, it's time to deal with the hardships of some hard slogger rather than continuing to deal with the hardship of living with these fears daily.

  11. Tully! you're such a gorgeously smart woman - I really hope you use this mounting energy and realisation and channel it towards better health. For you.

    You are gorgeous. Stet. Leave it as is. Just a stunner. No ifs or buts.

    So use your power to turn this negativity around.

    PS: that would have been a whopper core strength workout to balance on the seat edge for so long! yay you!

  12. My dear girl. I know exactly how you feel. I have to sit on a plastic chair when we celebrate birthdays at work. I always try to get in first and grab a sturdier chair. You are not alone Tully, over 50% of Australians are overweight.... you are not alone.

  13. I'm sorry you had to go through that! You are so honest in writing and you'll be surprised at how many people relate to you!

  14. Hi,

    This is my fist time visiting your blog and I think you're fabulous!! I adore your honesty.....Ive been insimilar situations expecially situation 2 - I hate those damn folding chairs, garden wedding receptions (because of folding chairs) and restaurant booths, bit I digress.

    Anyway....you're a fantastic writer...all the best.

  15. (hugs) Those situations suck. Flimsy chairs, chairs with arms, and airplane seats are the worst.

    Butterfly is right, the things people take for granted.

  16. Oh my goodness - I've totally been where you are... I'm sorry you had to worry about those things! It's interesting how the rest of the world has no idea what is going on in those situations...


Awww thanks so much for the comment!