Up until the last few years I would hide from life. I would let my weight get in the way of the things I wanted to do. I wouldn't go on school camp, attend parties, go to balls, go on holidays with friends or apply for jobs I wanted. You name it, I hid from it. Over the last few years I stopped letting my weight get in the way of living my life. I went back to uni, worked in professional jobs, travelled across the world and didn't ever say no to an opportunity to spend time with friends and family.
So why has this changed? I just don't understand why I let myself get back to this place of self loathing and unhappiness. It is 6.30pm on Saturday night and I am in bed feeling sorry for myself because everyone I know is having an awesome time at the Sound Relief concert and I'm not. My brother has been texting me every time one of my favourite songs is playing and then he just called me when Crowded House were singing Better Be Home Soon and his words were "Why the hell didn't you come you clown?!".
Why indeed... I was offered tickets and I said no, not because I didn't really want to go, but because I was scared. I have started to feel paranoid when I am in public lately and just not comfortable, so being at the MCG with 80,000 other people would have been too much for me. The other issue was that the concert goes for 10 hours and the tickets I was offered were in standing room. Let's face it, at my weight, I can't stand up for 10 hours straight.
I am upset that I am missing the concert, but it is mostly that I have let myself get back to this place where I let my weight rule my life. I am working on changing this, trust me, I am doing the best I can right now.
No bullshit twee comment from this here kitty.
ReplyDeletejust an e-hug and a cheeky ruffle of your doona cover darls.
you're awesome, and i wish you speedy return to the land of happy.
i'm working tonight - i'm expecting a busy rush when the concert finishes!!!
hugs darling,
Kitty
xxx
I know that feeling.
ReplyDeleteGood on you for deciding not to put your life on hold. :)
I too know that feeling. Avoiding the standing part or not going even if there were seats because I didn't want to squish the person sitting next to me.
ReplyDeleteI do understand not going for the 10 hr standing part. Please don't lose your zest for life though. Don't stand back and stop yourself from doing things.
Use this as added motivation so that the next time this type of event comes around, the thought won't even cross your mind to avoid it.
I also have this issue at the moment! i have to start thinking about my health water and fresh foods we can do this!! :D
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking ever since you posted this of how I might be able to help, but I think it ends up being one of those things that has to come from inside - as much as I want to have the magic answer for you because I really really want you to succeed and feel good about yourself! You are a good person and deserve to experience everything good in life.
ReplyDeleteDo something good for yourself this week - and take it one day at a time!