Tuesday, October 20, 2009

What Am I Afraid Of?

I have been on many a diet in my life and one of the most motivating part of losing weight is when your old 'too-tight' clothes start fitting again. I would be on a diet for less than a week before I started trying on my skinny jeans, just to see if they are getting closer to fitting. Most Saturday mornings I would pick out my favourite skinny clothes and debate in front of the full length mirror whether or not I could get away with it yet. I would do this for hours and have a lot of fun doing it because, for me, clothes are very motivating.

So why is it this time I have an aversion to trying on any of my skinny clothes? I have lost 25 kilos and I am still wearing the same clothes I wore at my biggest. I am very lucky that Couch Potato generously sent me her old 22's and 24's as she has shrunk, so I have plenty of clothes, but even I have to admit that they are starting to get too big for me now.

I have lots of gorgeous clothes in size 20 that I am really looking forward to wearing again and I suspect that many of these will fit me now, but for some reason I don't want to wear them. I feel almost scared to take that step into smaller sizes. I don't even want to try them on and I am not quite sure what I am afraid of.

Even as the numbers on scales have dropped, I have been a downer and not celebrated my losses, because I don't want to get ahead of myself. I am not sure if because deep down I feel that this lap band is my last chance at weight loss and I am scared to get excited about losing weight because I am scared I am going to fail again.

9 comments:

  1. Girl it is time to just try those damn clothes on, otherwise by the time you do they may be too big - as happened to me with many of my favourite smaller clothes that I put off trying on.

    You can do this, and you WILL do this, I know it's hard to believe, but perhaps wearing those smaller clothes again will help you to believe it - cos you probably won't be wearing them for long :)

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  2. I am right there with you Tully! I was so fearful of being rejected by my OWN CLOTHES. I tried on a few things, but I ended up letting most of my clothes get TOO big. I passed right through them(which is a good thing in the end) but I missed out on wearing some form fitting clothes (and feeling better about myself) while still wearing baggy frumpy things. I don't regret it too much now, but I think at the time I would have been a bit happier.

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  3. I think you're a little bit scared darl (and I hear you say doh! You think!!) What I mean is, perhaps you feel this is all like a dream.. you KNOW you've put in the hard yards.. you KNOW you've lost the weight but perhaps you're worried it's all going to be snatched away.
    Just hurl yourself into the largest 20 you have and when that settles on you and you go.. "OMFG it fits - and is loose!!!!" then you will hopefully want to try the others on. You can do it!! You really can.
    Try it
    Hugs
    Cara

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  4. You've got some very smart readers here Tully! I think you've already given yourself the answer though - Good luck with overcoming the "fear". I want to hear (or see) you shouting, jumping up & down with excitement about how HOT you look in clothes that fit!!!!!

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  5. You really, really need to try them on. If you're shrinking out of my shirts, you will be a 20 already. I was a 20 for about 30seconds, because I wore the shirts I sent you for so long that I skipped straight into 18's.

    But I understand the fear of failure. Totally. Trying on clothes and them not fitting is awful. It's why I have always hate shoe shopping, because shoes fail to fit sooooo often. Also the long term failure issue is so paralysing. Here's the thing though. You deserve to wear those clothes. You have lost the weight, made the hard decisions, eaten right, exercised, and you deserve it. Really.

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  7. the only person or thing that can defeat you is you, and i'm not telling you anything you don't already know.

    wear the smaller clothes, face your fear.

    you'll spend the rest of your life facing temptation, which is much tougher than fear (i know that).

    get some experience with facing negative feelings and triumphing over them. you'll discover you really are that powerful and yes, you can be anyone you want and look however you please.

    i think you can.
    x

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  8. OK Tough love here...

    Tully, try the damn clothes on, then go out and get a new outfit, some supportive undies, maybe some shoes, get ya hair did and get dressed up to fight...

    Yep, quit whining and kick this self doubt in the ass!!

    Being a former food addict, I can understand how easy it is to go back to the dark side and overeat and undo all of that hard work, and it probably doesnt make life any easier for you and the band's constrictions...

    But finish what you started!! You can do it, life only gets better with every hurdle that you overcome! Start, finish and mooove on....

    Ok rant over - you can do it girl!

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  9. I'll do you a deal. I haven't tried on any of my skinny clothes yet either. And some of my pants are rediculously big. I don't know why I haven't I just haven't.

    I'll try mine if you try yours :P

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Awww thanks so much for the comment!