Monday, March 15, 2010

Cold Feet

Wow. I have been super busy over the past few weeks packing up my house and moving everything into storage, cleaning the house and planning my trip. I moved into a hotel in South Yarra on Friday night while I finished cleaning the house out and I have been loving being back in the city. I thought I hated living out in the suburbs, but now I know just how much I really did hate it after spending a few days eating and drinking in the bars here, catching up with friends, window shopping and walking in the parks of this gorgeous city. I am having so much fun that I almost don't want to leave. Almost.

I am torn between being unbelievably stressed about work and having moments of clarity when I realise I am leaving in 3 days and there isn't much more I can do now. It is so weird to think that I made this job my life for the past 2 and a half years and now I am leaving and the world will keep turning. It's somewhat easier to walk away when I remember they aren't paying me out my $6500 bonus that I am owed...

I am getting cold feet a little bit now. The idea of having no job, no house and no money is slightly scary. I am also nervous about being away from home for so long, I have never been away for more than a month at a time and my mum and gran are both sick and I feel awful leaving them when they don't have anyone else around to look after them. My gran is in a nursing home, but if I don't visit her, no one else will and I hate that thought. Then the other day I overheard another patient at the nursing home saying something awful to her because they think because she has dementia she doesn't understand anything. So that has been breaking my heart in two all week. My mum has pneumonia and is very sick but won't go to hospital because she is stubborn and hates hospitals so I am terrified she is just going to stop breathing and there is no one around to help her. Everyone says that I just need to do something for myself and not let anything hold me back, but the reality isn't quite that easy.

OK, I have to take a deep breath myself and just try and deal with one thing at a time and get excited that I'll be in Vancouver on Friday and in Whistler for the weekend- lucky I bought an awesome winter jacket to keep me looking cute in the snow!


  1. Believe me, from someone that has lived away from "home" for 8 years out of the past 12, it is hard to be away from loved one, but you do get used to it and once you are away things will be a little will be seeing the world (OK Canada) but you will be on an adventure....
    Looking forward to hearing all about your trip....I LOVED Canada and hope you enjoy it as much as I did. xx

  2. Canada is amazing - my dream is to live in Vancouver one day...have fun.
    I live in a different country to my family and often feel very guilty. But this is my life for living and time flies in between visits home. Savour every moment of your trip as that too will fly by xx

  3. I can't wait to hear about your adventures!

  4. So sorry to hear about your mum - I hope she is on the mend soon :(

    Taking the first step is always the hardest - just wait until you step off the plane!!! You are going to have such a great time and the stress is just going to melt off your shoulders :D

    I've been to some of the places you are heading to and I'm so jealous - have a fabulous time!

  5. First so sorry to hear about your mother and grandmother. It's so hard to leave the ones you love, especially if they need you. But this has been awhile coming and you've earned it! It's not slightly's VERY scary and I'm so excited for you to take it on!


Awww thanks so much for the comment!