Thursday, May 26, 2011

One Day At A Time

I feel like I have a lot to say and nothing to say at the same time. My life hasn’t been too interesting lately, but I have a lot going on in my head. I’m constantly trying to work out how I can get back to losing weight? What worked for me for the first 50 kilos? Why can’t I get back to that ‘losing’ head space?

For most of this year I decided to try getting my lap band tighter and I thought if I did this it would help me lose weight without having to diet. After 5 months of trying this, I still can’t seem to get the balance right. My band is too tight to eat anything except for soft foods during the day, but I am still hungry all the time. I am still counting down the minutes until my next meal and always thinking about food. Does this mean I need more fill or less fill in my band?

More alarmingly, despite not being able to eat a lot of foods, I am gaining weight. I am eating the wrong foods because it’s easy and I just don’t seem to care. I seem to be dedicated to failing right now. I will literally spend hours picking away at foods like pizza that are difficult for me to eat because I am just determined to get that bloody pizza down. If only I put this dedication toward weight loss!

I have to admit that I sometimes wonder if getting the lap band was the right choice for me. I have only been able to make it work for me by working very hard at dieting and exercise, which I don’t seem to be able to keep up long term. I wonder if one of the more drastic weight loss surgeries would be better for people with serious emotional eating problems? I guess I am just terrified that one day I am going to gain back all the weight I lost. The longer I have the lap band, the less confidence I have in it and myself to keep the weight off.

I am still trying every single day to do better though. Yes, I may be failing some times, but I know I won’t give up.


  1. I think your 50kg loss proves the band was an awesome choice for you :)

    Im scared to get my band tighter. What if Im still hungry, but physically cant eat?! I dont want to be choking on everything.

    Even though you are struggling, you are a HUGE inspiration to me. I just want you to know that :)

  2. I know how you feel about worrying about putting it all back on! I have hurt myself this week and I can not do any leg exercise for three weeks min :( at the start all i could think was oh im going to be huge before I know it but I have taken control im writing everything i put in my mouth down and just eating basic nude foods as such with a bit of tuna, eggs, chicken and red meat added with lots of water! I have managed to loose 1.7 kgs this week my biggest loss for a while!

    You will find what works for you again you have to shake things up all the time i dont think there is one way to loose weight over my journey i have had to change so many times.



  3. If the band helped get you out of an unhealthy weight-range and start you on the right road, then I think it was a good choice. But it can only control what, how and why you eat to a limited extent, and its certainly not going to fix any emotional eating issues. Maybe start trying to implement helathy life-long changes and habits now so that once you remove it (I guess you would at some point right?), you'll be confident you can maintain without it ... just my 2 cents, feel free to take it or leave it! have my fingers crossed for you :)

  4. The band isn't a quick fix. The longer it takes you to get the weight off the better chance you have of keeping it off. Be sure that when you eat ite because you're actually hungry not emotionally hungry. Try counseling if you can't get a hanlde on your emotional eating. I've had my band for nearly 2 years & only lost 40kg but I don't let it get me down. Concentrate on the good not the bad. You have not adapt your life to work with the band. You can't rely solely on the band to loose weight. Stick with it. When that little light clicks on in your head you'll be glad you stuck with it.

  5. Aww, your pain is palpable. Hugs. I don't have a band but at the seminar I attended one of the surgeons said that sometimes if a band is too tight, people can gain weight (even though that's counterintuitive). I think you should see your doc and tell him/her what's going on with you, that you're hungry between meals but that you wonder if it's too tight, etc.

  6. I honestly don't think that doctors who perform weight loss surgery have much interest in or understanding of the emotional side of weight battles. Like so many surgeons, they think that the knife is the answer.

    I think that it's just one tool, and that getting to the bottom of the "why" of your eating is very important. A counsellor who specialises in weight issues/eating disorders would really be helpful. If finances are a problem, see your GP about a mental health plan (seriously; I've done it - you get a certain number of appointments on Medicare with a minimal gap payment).

    Have faith - it's not about willpower or physical limitations. You can overcome this and regain your confidence in yourself. :)

  7. If you are resorting to easy/soft food choices then you are exactly where I am at. I am going to get some fluid out next Friday so that I can fit a good amount of healthy food in!


Awww thanks so much for the comment!