I am really trying to give up my ‘dieting’ ways, but unfortunately it seems I only have two speeds: losing weight or gaining weight. So in trying not to diet, my clothes have been getting increasingly tight and I am feeling uncomfortable in my body again.
It is amazing just how quickly I can feel weight gain now my body is smaller. I swear I could gain 10 kilos when I was my heaviest and I couldn’t tell the difference and now I can feel a kilo difference. I can easily zip up my jeans on a Sunday and then not be able to get them on by Friday. I finally understand all those magazine covers that claim you can lose a size in a week!
I really don’t have a huge amount of weight to lose (in comparison to where I started) but I just don’t seem to be able to get myself in the right head space to do it. I seem to have lost my ability to just suck it up and do it anyway. I just want to come home from work and put on my flannelette pyjamas and eat chocolate. When your mind isn’t in the right place for weight loss it is such an uphill battle.
I guess I wouldn’t worry so much about losing more weight if I didn’t want plastic surgery, but I have a hideous apron stomach and I’m in desperate need of a tummy tuck. I know the photos I put up on this blog don’t really show how big my stomach is (which is intentional!) but it is quite bad. I don’t want to be dramatic… but it makes me feel disfigured. I just won’t feel like I have lost 50 kilos until it’s gone.
In order to get good results from the surgery I know I really need to lose some more weight. I just seem to lack the motivation to lose that extra weight because I know I can’t afford the surgery for a long time. I feel like I’m stuck in a vicious circle of hating my body because of my stomach => eating because I feel hopeless => gaining weight and being further away from having stomach surgery => not caring because I can’t afford the surgery anyway => feeling even more hopeless.
What to do… what to do…