Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Wrong Way, Go Back

I am really trying to give up my ‘dieting’ ways, but unfortunately it seems I only have two speeds: losing weight or gaining weight. So in trying not to diet, my clothes have been getting increasingly tight and I am feeling uncomfortable in my body again.

It is amazing just how quickly I can feel weight gain now my body is smaller. I swear I could gain 10 kilos when I was my heaviest and I couldn’t tell the difference and now I can feel a kilo difference. I can easily zip up my jeans on a Sunday and then not be able to get them on by Friday. I finally understand all those magazine covers that claim you can lose a size in a week!

I really don’t have a huge amount of weight to lose (in comparison to where I started) but I just don’t seem to be able to get myself in the right head space to do it. I seem to have lost my ability to just suck it up and do it anyway. I just want to come home from work and put on my flannelette pyjamas and eat chocolate. When your mind isn’t in the right place for weight loss it is such an uphill battle.

I guess I wouldn’t worry so much about losing more weight if I didn’t want plastic surgery, but I have a hideous apron stomach and I’m in desperate need of a tummy tuck. I know the photos I put up on this blog don’t really show how big my stomach is (which is intentional!) but it is quite bad. I don’t want to be dramatic… but it makes me feel disfigured. I just won’t feel like I have lost 50 kilos until it’s gone.

In order to get good results from the surgery I know I really need to lose some more weight. I just seem to lack the motivation to lose that extra weight because I know I can’t afford the surgery for a long time. I feel like I’m stuck in a vicious circle of hating my body because of my stomach => eating because I feel hopeless => gaining weight and being further away from having stomach surgery => not caring because I can’t afford the surgery anyway => feeling even more hopeless.

What to do… what to do…


  1. Oh honey :( I am really feeling for you.

    I don't really know what to suggest - I am lucky in that I'm currently motivated, but it certainly hasn't always been that way. More often than not I sit in the same cycle that you're currently in.

    Feel free to email me if you feel like you could use some support (even just if it's to rant about how you're feeling). Sorry I don't have anything more useful to suggest.

    I know you're going to be okay. You've done so well, and everyone ends up in these horrible ruts for a while.

  2. I have also lost my motivation and am gaining weight. It sucks. I had an unfill over a month ago because I was just having a hard time eating but now that I can eat pretty much anything I feel I need another fill. Such a vicious cycle isn't it? But I've been eating things like ice cream - things I should not be eating. Every once in a while is okay but this is getting ridiculous! Ugh...

  3. Tully, I say borrow the money and get it done within the space of one year. That time will give you enough time to lose the last bit, do your research and get your head in the right place and go for it!

    Pay it back via a personal loan over the next 5 years. You'd probably borrow the same amount for a car; why not for peace of mind?

    Linda J

  4. That's rough, its really crappy when you're having these kind of low phases in your weight-loss journey (they're kind of like hangovers - you feel dreadful and can't imagine ever feeling better again, and then suddenly you just do but you don't know quite how it happened). I don't know what to say - I could reel off a bunch of inspiring and motivational catch-phrases but really it has to come from you (as lame as that it, its true).
    Maybe try to focus on how shite you would feel if you undid all the good work you've done, and how AHA-mazing you feel when you're doing well and just take it day by day, working on improving something each day until you get your mojo back ...?!

  5. I've had a tummy tuck done and it makes you feel complete after losing all the weight. Moving around and not having an apron of skin moving around is very freeing. I was also getting sores under my apron which kept bleeding and are a health risk.

    For your own health get a loan and get the abdominoplasty surgery done. Its a rough recovery, but well worth it.

  6. Whatever you decide - I'll agree with you!!! Good to see you last Saturday, you looked gorgeous - you really should do some Outfit Of The Day posts.

  7. I know it's probably not practical but the idea of borrowing the money and having the op earlier does sound awfully exciting!!

    Hope you're having a lovely week gorgeous

  8. Darling, I have just nominated you for a magnificent bloggy makeover (because you deserve it, not because I don't like the look of your blog) .. http://justfoolinblogdesigns.blogspot.com/2011/05/nominate-blog-you-love-for-makeover-win.html#comments

  9. Oh the mindset of it all - if only we had all the answers, could you imagine the money we could make! I know at times it doesn't seem like it but the hardest part of the journey was losing the weight! Be proud of your "battle scar" at least until it's gone, it's a great reminder of how far you've come.


Awww thanks so much for the comment!