Tuesday, March 11, 2008


I often hear people talk about self-sabotaging their weight loss and I always thought I wasn't one of those people because why in the world would I want to do that? I do wonder though, because every time I get under 100 kilos I lose the plot and gain all the weight back. I fell back into bad patterns again this weekend.

It was a long weekend here in Victoria and so basically I spent 3 days engorging myself. I had lots of 'excuses' with having some girlfriends over on Saturday night for drinks, then my family over for lunch on Sunday, drinks with my dad Sunday night and a shopping trip and a movie with a friend on Monday. The thing is that I didn't eat reasonably on any of these ocasions, I used them as an excuse to pig out.

I ate when I wasn't hungry and when I was already feeling sick from eating too much. I knew I was making really bad choices and I wanted to stop, but I just couldn't bring myself to stop. Last night I was already so full and sick, but when my flat mate went to the shops and asked if I wanted an ice cream I said I was too sick to eat one, but I could squeeze a freddo frog in...

I got on the scale this morning to find a 3 kilo gain. I felt so revolting and bloated that I decided to go back on the optifast shakes for a couple of weeks to get the weight off I gained and kick start my weight loss a little. I won't be doing them strictly because I have to eat out a lot as part of my job, so on those occasions I will stick to veggies and lean meats. It will also be good to try and get into the black dress I bought to wear to my school reunion in a couple of weeks which is currently a bit clingy around my stomach. I always find crash diets before a big event are a great way to lose weight... and then gain it back... :-)

So the question is, am I self-sabotaging or am I just a pig? If I am self-sabotaging I would like to work out why I am doing it and how I can stop doing it. There is a good chance I am just a pig and need a kick up the arse though too.


  1. Hi there, long time reader first time commenter.

    I have been wondering the same thing about myself lately. I have lost nearly 6kg this year and have a mini goal of 1 more kg to lose (2.2lb) before I go away on holiday next week for Easter and I just haven't been able to keep out of the kitchen. I'm so so SO close and yet I'm clearly out to sabotage my progress and fail at getting to my goal. I do honestly think I'm too smart for that and I do REALLY want to make this goal. So what the heck? Please if you find the answer, tell me - then bottle it and sell it!

  2. Don't know what that is either, but I've been there.

    I think for me, it's partly that I feel so happy when I've been so 'good' and had some success that I think I can reward myself a little and then of course I then go overboard.

    It's also partly that I formed the habit of eating (particularly sweet things) as a cure all when I was very young and when I'm not eating I feel vulnerable ... and rid myself of that sense of vulnerability by going back to the habit of eating.

    In any case, you're definitely not a pig. You're just a woman struggling as hard as we all are to confront this eating thing AND you need to look FAB for your reunion so jump back on the horse and get going.

  3. I think Nona might be on to something there- I think when I do it, it's because I feel great about my success, and think "oh, one treat won't matter", and then it blows out from there. The good thing is though, you've identified that there is a problem, so now you can look at ways to address that :)

  4. I do the same thing (obviously)... I think for me it's trying to prove to myself that I am not on a 'diet', so I eat what I want when I am out, but it's a self-perpetuating cycle where I end up choosing to go out more than usual and then I gain. I am fighting with that right now...

    Try not to freak out too much, just get back to old habits - you did not gain 3kg of fat in three days! Likely it's mostly water weight, so just drink your water and most of it will be gone in a day or two.

  5. Here's my theory on the topic... I think that we get a certain number on the scale, or a certain dress size in our mind as a goal, even if it is not our final goal, and once we reach it, we begin to resent the very means that got us there in the first place.
    For me, the moment I reach whatever mini-goal I had subconsciously set, I start hating the restrictions of whatever plan I am following. Perhaps that is what is happening?

    All I really know is that I have been in your shoes, and I hope that you find the answers you need to get back on track!

  6. Hi, I recently came across your blog and am enjoying reading it.

    I struggle with the self sabotage concept. If I look into my past there are definitely the "classic" reasons to self sabotage, however I refused to be a victim then and I refuse to be a victim now so won't acknowledge that something other than my weakness is to blame. However as time goes on I think I need to revisit some of the past issues, it might just help.

    I have read a book call "Weight Loss for Food Lovers" that helped me understand self sabotage a bit.


  7. Reading your post immediately made me think of this quote:
    "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

    I think this is a pattern a number of us operate under. We feel that success coming on and so we revert to our old ways because deep down we don't TRULY believe we deserve to live fully and be absolutely radiant, sucessful and powerful. I have been trying to work this out for myself cause I seem to be plateauing at 89 kgs after having lost 37 kgs, and when i get it together and break the plateau, I immediately sabotage and sit back at 89 kgs. it's definitely an emotional hurdle we have 2 get past. Having said that, most of your 3 kgs are water retention, you just can't gain 3kgs of fat in days so don't worry about it too much, and get back on track. You'll be fine. Now if i could just listen to my own advice and get back on track, lol.

  8. I am with K. I have lost the weight time and time again. Each time I put back on the weight and more. Typical. People pay attention to me, I get compliments, I feel better and then I go back to being fat. I do not allow my light to shine. You are so not a pig! Hugs!

  9. I've been sitting back and have been very interested in what the others have to say - but I like what K said the most.

    We feel that success coming on and so we revert to our old ways because we don't TRULY believe we deserve to live fully and be absolutely radiant, successful and powerful.

    I also think that this extends to the deprivation issue with regards to food - we don't truly believe that we deserve to have delicious food and the moment an 'excuse' arises, we take it, since there may not be another opportunity where we 'deserve' to eat as such, even if our body is crying out 'enough, enough!'.

    There are a lot of people out here who know how you feel, and we're all with you in this - we know that you deserve to achieve your goals; though on some level, perhaps you don't.


  10. I agree with Marshmellow, it's a deprivation thing. I can be good but as soon as I eat something "bad" i go hard on it because I think I may as well.

  11. honey, sounds like self sabotage to me. I used to do the same all the time, man, read my blog from the beginning and its all about 5 days of feeling good and losing weight, as soon as I see a loss its, man i pigged out on pizza last night.

    You have to figure out why you do it i think. FOr me, i didnt so much as figure it out, but when i left my ex, things just started to change, i felt confidence i hadnt felt in years, and i just started to make changes without even really thinking about it. Now im 15 kilos down! Its exciting.

    I hope you keep going, doing you best, and knowing that you will get there!! No matter how long it takes, life is about the journey right! xx

  12. Hey. I just wanted to leave a note for you. Thank you so much for wanting to keep an eye on me even though I decided to go private with my blog - I was very surprised to see the response that I got from this announcement - but it just means so much more to know who is reading me - and I will return the favor for sure. I do need to recommit myself to my blog and to this weight loss journey - and am so happy to have you reading. Take care!!

    Hugs from SK CANADA! Christine

  13. After reading forward a post, could it have been your period making you eat? Sometimes our hormones will take over...

    Still, raising the issue about self sabotage is important. Questioning it is important. Everyone here has raised great points so I wont go into my thoughts on the matter. They are quiet similar to yours though.


Awww thanks so much for the comment!