Hot In The City!

I have one word to say to you right now: chaffing.

Melbourne has been swept by one of the biggest heat waves in history and I am melting. These 40+ degree days are just not bearable for someone that weighs 120+ kilos. Every year I say that this will be my last 'fat' summer and yet here I am again.

So what is a girl without air conditioning do to beat the heat? I ventured back into the city and joined the crowds at St Kilda beach for a late night paddle. I also discovered the one good thing about this heat- gelato!

All I can say right now is thank god for my old friend baby powder. My thighs are working that stuff hard.

Weight Watchers Online

After thinking about joining Weight Watchers for some time, I have finally joined the Weight Watchers Online program. I must be about the only dieter I know who has never tried WW before, but I have always been held back by the price and I guess I was also apprehensive about going to meetings. I have heard so many great success stories from people that do WW, so I thought it was finally time I gave it go.

I have to admit that a part of me didn't want to join WW because I have always found people that talk in 'WW points' slightly odd. It is like another language between some people I know and I find it kind of boring when they start talking about the number of points in everything they eat. Don't even get me started on the idea of weighing food before I eat it, I do not have the patience...

This may sound backward, but the reason I decided to join WW is to ensure I eat enough each day. Airlie wrote a post today that got me thinking about the number of calories I eat everyday. I have a bad habit of eating too little when I diet (look where that has got me), so I thought that if I had a set point range to aim for I would feel less guilty about eating. I like following a plan because it eliminates some of the doubt I have in myself to make the right choices. With WW I am set 25 points a day, so the rule-follower in me will aim to stick to 25 points a day.

WW Online has cost me $75 for a 3 month plan, so far I haven't really found much that I couldn't get for free on SparkPeople, but already it has given me a much needed boost in motivation, so it has been worth every cent!

Sultry Sally

My favourite food find: Sultry Sally 97% fat free potato chips. These are very low fat and calorie potato chips and they taste quite delicious. I took them to the movies with me instead of buying popcorn and I was completely satisfied. The bonus is that you don't have that greasy sick feeling after you eat them like your do with normal potato chips. They are great for those nights when you just want to snack (ie. eat mindlessly) because you could eat the whole pack and not do much damage to your diet. Just FYI, I think they are currently only available in selected Woolworths.

What Diet?

I commented to my housemate the other day that I hoped I was losing some weight on this diet. He was surprised and said that he didn't even know I was on a diet and normally he can tell because I exercise everyday and talk about how hungry I am all the time(mostly when pizza ads come on TV). I was quite shocked that he hadn't noticed the effort I had gone to in order to improve my health. When I thought about it, I realised it was probably a positive thing because it shows that the steps I am taking aren't too drastic and are hopefully more sustainable for the long term.

I am still taking it step by step, and making small changes when I can. I don't calorie count or get on the treadmill, instead I just eat fresh and healthy foods and go for evening walks around by neighbourhood and the river. If I don't get time or don't feel like walking, I don't go and if I feel like something sweet, I eat it. This is not to say I am just eating whatever I feel like it, whenever I feel like it. I am making a conscious effort to think about what is best for my body and what my body needs- and sometimes it needs chocolate! :-)

I am not sure if it is helping me lose weight at all because I haven't been on the scales for a few weeks. I can't feel any difference in my clothes because most of my clothes are so tight at the moment that it would be hard to tell unless I lost 20 kilos! I can see that it is helping me sleep better, giving me more energy and better mental health, so that is the most important thing right now. Still, it would be good if it helps me lose weight too...

Down and Out

I am only going to say this once, I am not going to go on and on about it, but it needs to be said. I am not doing too well at the moment. Over the past couple of months I have been quite down. I thought I'd perk up soon enough, but it just isn't happening.

I don't know if I am depressed. I am scared of the word 'depressed' and have tended to down play my feelings to being 'a bit flat' or 'a bit down' or 'just tired'. My mum and brother suffer from bipolar and have had quite horrific experiences of depression, so I have done everything I can to disassociate myself from it. I have spent my life trying to be happy and cheerful to try and balance the tension in our household so I have become very good at hiding my feelings, even from myself.

The weird thing about how I feel is that there doesn't seem to be any direct relation to my weight. Don't get me wrong, I am sure it is a contributing factor, but it doesn't feel like it is the root of my problems. In fact, I don't even really care about food at the moment, it doesn't seem to register as highly important to me in whether I eat a lot or a little.

I am trying to feel better. I am feeding my body good foods and going for relaxing evening walks. It is like that saying, fake it until you make it. I know I'll get back to feeling like myself soon, it just takes time.

2009 Goals

For me, 2009 is going to be one of those years where it might just get worse before it gets better. There are a lot of things I need to change, but it isn't going to happen over night. That doesn't mean that 2009 is going to be a bad year, in fact it means the opposite, I think it will be a defining year.

Overall my main goals are:

- Work in a job I enjoy
- Feel good about my weight
- Get fitter
- Pay off my debt
- Be happier with my life

I know these goals seem rather vague right now, I have a plan in my head, but it does tend to change every second day... To achieve these goals I have some really big decisions to make:

- Do I quit my job?
- Do I change career paths?
- Do I get a lapband?
- Do I move overseas?

I don't know what is going to happen or how I am going to do it, but I am confident that 2009 is going to be a life changing year for me.

No Pressure

What a difference a few days make.

It took a couple of days for me to settle into healthy eating again, but by Wednesday I was feeling much better about food. I am easing into this very slowly and just making small changes that fit in with my lifestyle.

The best part about it is that I have put no pressure on myself to lose weight. My main goal at the moment is to eat healthier and do some walking. If the scale doesn't go down, I honestly don't care. I would love to lose weight, but right now I just want the inside of my body to feel better by feeding it some good food and going for long slow walks when I can find the time.

Every time I try to eat healthy I inadvertently put in place all these little rules that I have been told to do over the years to lose weight.

Must drink 2 litres of water a day
Must stop eating after 8.00pm
Must cut out carbs in the evening
Must not drink alcohol
Must not eat out
Must exercise every day
Must cut out all treats
Must stick to less then 1200 calories a day
Must eat breakfast every day

I am not saying that they aren't valid ways to improve health and lose weight, but after a while the pressure of being perfect just leads me to binge and give up. So this time I am not following the rules, just doing what I can, when I can.

One Step At A Time

Like most people, I have decided to get fit and healthy as my New Years Resolution (same goal for the past twenty odd years). It is almost too painful for me to even talk about how bad I feel at the moment about my weight gain. It is impacting me a lot, both physically and mentally, and I just don't feel like myself at all.

So I decided that Monday (yesterday) was going to be the big day to get back on track and I was super excited to get the weight off and start feeling more like myself again. I was fine all day and it wasn't until I got home after work last night that I just felt so overwhelmed and reached for the box of Lindt chocolates and the Brie and crackers- all left over from Christmas of course. I felt overcome by being back at work at a job that drains every drop of happiness and positivity from me and the idea of preparing a healthy dinner and doing a workout was enough to make me cry.

So I ate until I felt uncomfortably full and then spent the night trying to work out why I do this to myself. Well I guess I know why, it is more a question of how to stop. People always say that you need to examine why you overeat, I have been examining this for the past ten years and I know why, but what next? For now I have decided to take small steps, today my goal is just to have a full day of healthy eating. I can eat as much as I need to feel full, as long as it is healthy, and there is no pressure to exercise. So far, so good...

NYE Photos

As I mention on a previous post, I was lucky enough to spend NYE with ex-bloggers Kenz and Beckie and of course current blogger and weight loss extraordinaire Miss Milo. We took the train to Bendigo to Beckie's house and went to a glamorous party with a group of Beckie and her gorgeous boy's friends. Miss Milo has been much more organised than me and already posted some photos, but here are some more.

Much fun and mischief was had by all, but the night just seemed to go too quickly... Beckie, Miss Milo and Kenz are all such gorgeous girls and I look forward to hanging out with them some more soon!



Miss Milo and Kenz starting the night off with a bang at Beckies


Cheers girls!


Miss Milo and I doing our sexy poses


Kendall and Beck doing their sexy poses


Beck very glamorously sipping her cocktail


Me showing off my bling (the theme was glitz and glamour)


Kenz and Miss Milo showing the love


A group of sexy ladies at the end of the night