FREEDOM

I have noticed a lot of bandster blogs have chosen a word to symbolise 2010 and when I saw this I knew right away what word I choose.

FREEDOM

I have felt constrained by my weight and other lifestyle choices (ie. mistakes) for a long time now and 2010 is finally the year to break free and make some changes.

My first decision was to quit my job and be free from the responsibility and stress. When I quit my job I was expecting my boss to say 'OK, fuck off and good riddance', instead they made me an offer to go on my holiday and then come back. Hmmm. Then they took it to another level and offered me a promotion and for me to work over in Canada and pay for my trip. It was an offer that was extremely hard to say no to and I agonised for 24 hours before I came back and said 'thanks, but no thanks'. I'm trying to change my life and if I don't do it now, who knows if I ever will.

So that is one major step toward feeling free and there are a few more things that I want to do:

~ Move out of my boring house in the suburbs- I'm moving out when I go to the US and Canada and I'll get a new place in the city when I get back.

~ Go travelling- The tickets are booked and I'm leaving on 19th March!

~ Get my drivers licence- I'm having lessons, I'll get there...

~ Lose 25 kilos- To finish off the year at about 75 kilos.

If I can do all this I think I'll feel a greater sense of freedom than I can ever remember.

Happy Australia Day

There are three factors that came together to make this the most awesome day ever:

1. It's a public holiday
2. Wine tastings at the Yarra Valley
3. 30 Rock marathon on TV

It's Australia Day here today, I'm not hugely patriotic, but I am very in favour of being paid not to go to work.

AJ and I couldn't bare to spend the day in our boring house in the boring suburbs, so even though we are meant to be saving for our holiday in March, we decided to go to our favourite place in Melbourne, the Yarra Valley.



Devouring a cheese plate and a bottle of wine at a winery in the Yarra Valley. I've been stuck with a crappy plateau lately, so I figured my body is getting too used to healthy food and exercise and needed me to mix it up a bit.



I don't normally like a full body shot, but I guess it is helpful for looking back on in a years time when I have (hopefully) lost a shit load of weight.




Showing some leg on the car ride home where I managed to neck two bottles of wine on the one hour trip home. I always take the fun too far... I am going to pay for it tomorrow.

It's days like this that make me so happy I am quitting my job so I can spend less time working and more time drinking wine in the sun and watching 30 Rock.

Mind Games

I am now at the lowest weight I have been in 10 years. In fact, only once in my entire life have I ever been at a lower weight than I am now. The weird thing about this is that I am feeling more self conscious about my weight than I can ever remember. The more weight I lose, the more aware of just how big I was, and still am.

In the past, as I have lost weight, I felt better about my body and my self confidence would grow with every kilo I lost. I would be happy to go shopping and buy new figure hugging clothes and basically show off! I couldn't feel more different lately, I just want to keep wearing my old clothes and draw as little attention to myself as possible.

I don't know if it is because as I have grown older my body has changed and things aren't springing back into place the way they used to... Or if it is because I have lost weight quite quickly and I haven't completely adjusted to the changes.

I think a lot of the way I am feeling is due to the fact I am still trying to build my confidence back up after getting so low when I was at my biggest. Looking back on it, I can see now that I was probably even more depressed than I realised and it might take a while for me to recover completely.

Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be happier with my progress and I am thrilled with the weight I have lost so far. Every day I find new reasons to be thankful for the weight I have lost and how it is changing my life. I think my mind just needs to catch up with my body.

I Can See Clearly Now

So a couple of weeks ago when I posted my New Years day photos you guys convinced me it was time to update my progress pictures. It has taken me this long to get around to it because the idea of putting on my 'progress picture outfit' and finding the camera and downloading the photos was all too hard. I finally got around to it today and I can really see the difference.

(click on photo for bigger view-- if you dare)



Left: Monday 13th April 2009, 129.7 kilos
Middle: Thursday 17th September 2009, 107.1 kilos
Right: Sunday 17th January 2010, 94.8 kilos

Now I just want to fast forward to the next 10 kilos lost to see what kind of a difference that is going to make!

Fitness First

I'm not leaving for my USA/Canada holiday until 19th March, so I have quite a bit of time up my sleeve to get organised and guess what's first on the list? You guessed it, weight loss! Well, not so much weight loss, as getting fitter but I hope weight loss will be a happy consequence on this.

Some of my most cringe worthy memories involve travelling while being overweight. There is so much you want to do and see, but your body won't participate because it just can't carry all that extra weight around all day. I remember arriving at the Imperial Palace in Japan a few years ago and seeing how far I would have to walk to even get close and wondering if I could just wait on the tour bus because I couldn't be bothered. I really don't want to feel like that ever again.

I want to be able to walk all day, spend hours in museums, trek to see natural beauties, learn to ski, swim at the beach and just feel energised about everything I am doing and seeing. So I am increasing my exercise and really pushing myself at the gym to get myself feeling fitter. I also want to do some long walks, but so far the heat of summer has made that difficult and I have been restricted to the air conditioned comfort of the gym.

I really want to have an active holiday because I don't want to come back with an extra 15 kilos 'excess baggage' on my hips. Maybe I could even come back slightly lighter, OK, now I might be kidding myself!

P.S. If you know a town, shop, cafe, museum or sight that I just have to see in the US or Canada please leave me a comment or drop me an email, I would to hear your travel tips.

Take This Job And Shove It

I just quit my very good job because I am sick of living like this.

I bought myself a ticket to Vancouver and I am spending 3 months travelling around Canada, USA, Mexico and the Bahamas.

I leave in March and I am going to do whatever the fuck I want for 3 months. Sleep, eat, drink. Did I mention sleep?

When I get back I won't have a house or a job or any money and I just don't care.

I knew this was going to be a good year!

1 January 2010

So on the 1st day of 2010 I weigh 99 kilos and I look like this. I really hope I look a lot slimmer (and less hung over) in a year from now.











Official progress pictures will follow when I actually lose enough weight to make a difference from the last ones.

My body is in detox mode right now from the last 2 weeks of terrible eating and it is making me very irritable and not pleasant to be around. I got down to 96.2 kilos on the 18th December, but eating out for EVERY single meal between now and then (and then coming home and eating more) gave me a nice little Christmas gain of 2.8 kilos. I have to say that I enjoyed every single moment of eating everything I felt like eating, why can't life always be like that?

So shouldn't the lap band have stopped me from gaining so much weight? Well, not if you don't have enough restriction in the band. I thought I could do it without help, but what is the point of having a lap band without the help? I will be making an appointment with my surgeon first thing Monday to get some fill put in my band and start rocking the weight loss in 2010.

2009 In Review

It is the time of year when we look back on the ups and downs of 2009. I stole this from Amanda because I thought it was a good way to sum up the year.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
I got my shit together for the first time ever.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Yes I did for the most part, I won't be making new resolutions, just keeping the same ones going.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, my good friend (and old boss) gave birth to this adorable bub.


4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank God and that is the single best thing about 2009.

5. What countries did you visit?
I travelled a lot around Australia and also went to New Zealand and the UK. It was all for work and so not very exciting.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Self confidence and less anxiety.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Friday 22nd May- the date of my lap band surgery.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Losing 30 kilos and paying off my credit card.

9. What was your biggest failure?
No one big thing, but I am not always the kind of person I strive to be.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I hurt my knee and hamstring because I tried to do too much exercise before I was ready, which I regret because it really holds me back now.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A ticket to... well more about that later...

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Tough one, I really can't think of one single person. I guess anyone that tries to make the world a better place. Oh, and the Geelong football club for winning the grand final!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Ummm, can't really say that here. It involves someone from work.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Paying off my credit card debt and my lap band surgery.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
All the good things that are going to happen in 2010. Stay tuned!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Even though it is an older song, I will remember Stronger by Kanye West because it got me through my boring gym sessions.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
(a) Happier or Sadder? Happier
(b) Thinner or Fatter? Thinner
(c) Richer or Poorer? Poorer? Richer
Wow, first time I can ever say that, I hope I can say the same at the end of 2010.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sleep.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Work.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2009?
In a cheap motel...

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
No.

22. How many one-night stands?
None.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Oh, I love TV... 30 Rock, Entourage, Gossip Girl, The Soup, Ruby, Masterchef and re-runs of Roseanne. Also, pretty much any reality TV show that included Tori Spelling, the Kardashians, Kendra, Lorenzo Lamas, Scott Baio, The Real Housewives and anything to do with The Hills.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No, don't think I hate anyone. A lot of people I don't like to be around though...

25. What was the best book you read?
Well, did you see how much TV I watch, it doesn't leave much time for reading... I did enjoy One For The Road: Travelling America In Pursuit Of Happiness

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I very much like Kate Miller Heidke's new CD.

27. What did you want and get?
My life back.

28. What did you want and not get?
My drivers licence, that was due to my own fear and laziness. Sigh.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Revolutionary Road. Loved it.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 29 on 23rd December and I shopped, I swam, I ate Greek food on Southbank, Asian food at Gingerboy and chocolate from Koko Black. I drank beer and cocktails on a balmy hot night and slept in the air conditioned comfort of the Grand Hyatt.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not being fat, broke, hating my job and living in the suburbs would have been nice, but I am working on all that.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
I was really broke, so my goal was not to buy new clothes, which was not a very good 'fashion concept'!

33. What kept you sane?
Friends, family, reading blogs, watching trashy TV and going to the gym. Wine and chocolate also helped too, but that goes without saying.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I have a bit of a think for Ryan Reynolds. I don't usually lust after celebrities, but he gets me hot.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Well, I have kind of been self involved this year and I really couldn't say I gave much of a shit about much else. Unless you think people not cleaning the machines at the gym after using them is a political issue... it gets me fucking riled up.

36. Who did you miss?
My brothers and their girlfriends because they are all overseas.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
I couldn't single any one person out, I've met lots of awesome chicks this year- lots through blogging.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
If you don't look out for yourself, no one else will.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Just dance, gonna be okay.

40. What are your resolutions for 2010?
Keep on trucking along and don't fuck it up.