Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Blah Blah Blah

It seems there are a lot of us out there in blogworld feeling down and out lately, I’m not sure what it is about this time of year, but I feel very blah too. Well actually, feeling blah would be a massive improvement on my disposition right now. I feel like I constantly try to count my blessings and look on the bright side, but this last week has delivered a few severe blows that it just seems like one thing after the other and I just can’t even see the positives in anything anymore.

So you can see why I have been avoiding my blog, no one wants to hear all this negative crap and I also just haven’t had the energy to write anything. When I am not feeling the best I just don’t care about my weight and I want to eat. I know people say that comfort eating doesn’t make you feel better, but I disagree, well it makes me feel better anyway…

One thing I am grateful for at the moment is my lap band. Since I got a fill a couple of weeks ago it has really helped me cut down my portions. I have been eating whatever I feel like (including lots of foods heavy in butter and sugar… whoops) and not exercising because I have been too sick and I haven’t gained any weight. It feels like I am over-eating, but I am obviously not doing as bad as I think if my weight is holding steady.

I have been banded for about 18 months and I only now feel like I actually have a lap band. I can finally relate to all the things I have seen you all write about on your lap band blogs, like being tight in the morning, certain foods sticking, not having an appetite for half a day, then being ravenous another day…

I actually thought for a while there that I must have such a bad over-eating problem that the band wouldn’t work for me. I was still able to eat crazy amounts of foods and to lose any weight I had to feel hungry and deprived all the time. Now I can see that I just didn’t have my restriction right and that when I have the band properly filled it will work.

That being said, I am not sure how long I’ll keep my band this tight. It’s good on one hand because I just physically can’t eat a lot of food. This is perfect for me in my current mindset because I need all the help I can get. Ultimately though, I think I’d rather have the band a little looser because I am finding it difficult to eat a lot of foods and eating out is also hard. I look weird because I have to eat so slowly and I am finding I have started to avoid eating in social situations. This doesn’t work with my lifestyle and I would rather have to work a little harder to get the weight off and be able to enjoy eating with my friends and family. I also want to be able to go to restaurants without having to sneak off to the bathroom because something is stuck. I know it seems like I want it all, but I do think I’ll be able to strike the right balance if I keep trying.


  1. At the beginning of a fill it can be very tight, which includes stomach swelling. My clinic says give it a few days. I had my first fill on Thursday and just yesterday felt like I was actually able to eat some solid foods. Also as you lose weight & fat around your stomach the band can loosen up a bit, so maybe wait it out for a while!

  2. I know what you mean about not wanting to be so tight. I like being able to eat ALL foods without too much effort. I also like to eat out. I read some blogs where people talk about eating a couple of bites and that's all they can manage. To me that sounds like torture!

    I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I disagree that no one wants to hear about it. Feel free to share on your blog. It helps to write about our problems and process through them with the support of our blog-friends.

  3. *squeeze*


    Do whatever works for Tully, not everyone else. You tried it, it doesn't feel right so go back to what really works for YOU. The proof is in the pudding. You have lost alot of weight with smaller restriction. I've been stuck on the same weight for 5 weeks now and I have tight restriction. It (and not moving) isn't working for me.

    I hope you feel better soon. Being sick is the pits. xo


Awww thanks so much for the comment!