The whole reason I decided to get a lap band was because I had finally realised that diets don't work. I have been on a diet since I was 5 years old and have succeeded in getting fatter every year until I was morbidly obese. The problem is that even when I got the lap band I stuck with the old diet mentality of thinking I had to be hungry and deprived to lose weight. This was mostly because I wasn't 'working' my lap band by having enough restriction in it due to my employment situation. I was also pushing myself to do exercise I didn't enjoy and I wasn't achieving the balance I wanted in my life. Basically, weight loss was still a huge bloody effort.
I read a lot of weight loss surgery blogs and what I have noticed is that a lot of the people who have been successful in losing weight and living a balanced life are the ones that stopped dieting when they had their surgery. They listen to their bodies and eat when they are hungry and eat foods that sustain their bodies. I haven't been doing a very good job of listening to my body, both in forcing myself to be hungry, and also over eating.
I seem to constantly be putting a lot of pressure on myself to get to a certain weight by a certain day, which only encourages my starve and binge mentality. As with any diet, you can only sustain the behaviour for a limited period of time before you come undone. That is the point I am at now, but I feel strangely calm about it all of a sudden. I realised on the weekend that if I don't lose another kilo for the rest of my life, that would be OK. I would actually like to lose more weight, but accepting that I am OK as I am now and I don't have to hate myself has been a huge relief.
Of course it's not as simple as just saying that and erasing 25 years of bad behaviours and self-hatred... I think it'll take a lot of work to achieve the balance I am after, but that will be my new goal from now on. Instead of striving for a particular number on the scale or a size on my clothes, I just want to feel good about my body and my health. I want to eat food I enjoy and that makes my body feel good and I want to do exercise that puts a smile on my face. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't love to squeeze my arse into a pair of size 10 jeans or see 65 kilos on the scales one day, but I am not going to define my self-worth on these factors.
I must admit that this isn't the first time these thoughts have crossed my mind, but I am determined to work harder on putting these thoughts into practice. Life is just too short to diet.