Over the past year I have made no progress with my weight loss, in fact I have gone backwards and gained weight. Maybe I needed that year off to adjust to life after losing 50 kilos, but mostly I just wanted a break from dieting and deprivation.
I am still not really weighing myself, which is so freeing, I highly recommend it! Unfortunately I don’t need the scale to tell me I have gained weight. My clothes are tighter, my face has pudged up and I can really feel the extra weight on my torso. So with summer coming now is the time for me to nip this is the bud before I wake up and find myself weighing 130 kilos again.
The other day I found myself silently praying that the top I was planning on wearing would still fit me and it gave me all sorts of flashbacks from when I was morbidly obese. I miss the feeling of putting on clothes and knowing they will fit me perfectly or even that they will be too big and I need the size down! Avoiding half the clothes in my wardrobe is not fun.
This year I have tried all sorts of ways to lose the last 10-15 kilos. First there was low carb, then intuitive eating and then back to general healthy eating (fruits, veg, nuts, grains, lean meats) and nothing has given me results. Low carb really works for me, the weight loss is amazing, but I find it too hard to stick to long term. There is no way my demented emotional eating head is ready for intuitive eating, it just sees it as an open door to eat a whole tub of ice cream. Healthy eating is great for maintenance, but I just can’t lose weight on it because having PCOS and insulin resistance means that for me to lose weight I need to minimize my carbs and calories. Back to the drawing board.
I was musing (whinging) about my weight loss woes to AJ the other day and he came up with a simple solution… men can be so damned practical. He said, ‘Why don’t you just go back to doing whatever you did to lose the first 50 kilos?’. Oh yeah, why didn’t I think of that? So basically I need to go back to exercising 4 times a week, keeping my calories around 1000 per day and limiting carbs. The only problem with that plan is that is obviously no fun!
I keep waiting for life to get easier… when work isn’t so busy… when I am sleeping better… when family shit isn’t hitting the fan… when it isn’t so cold… when I have more energy… Well I need to remember that there is never a perfect time to get started and I just need to toughen up. I am going bridesmaid dress shopping on Saturday so I am sure that will terrify me into ditching the chocolate and putting on my runners!