Shopping at 130 kilos was practically impossible and I actually got to the point where often the largest sizes in plus size clothing stores would not fit me. I always pictured that if I was ever lucky enough to lose weight that the clothing world would be my oyster. I could go into any shop and most, if not everything, would fit me. My biggest problem would be that I had so many lovely options that it would be difficult to choose. These are the things I day dreamed about when I was bigger…
I have now lost 50 kilos and weigh 79.3 kilos (175 lbs) and I really thought I should now be able to fit into size 16's at the ‘normal’ size shops. I really don’t shop much because I can’t afford to spend money on clothes when I am still (trying to) lose weight so I haven’t had much of an opportunity to see what does and doesn’t fit me. It is my birthday next week and I am going out for a nice dinner so I decided to head out shopping and treat myself with a new dress.
I started shopping last week and I spent about 3 hours looking through all the shops in the city after work one night. I tried on every pretty dress in a size 16 (biggest size in most shops) and they were ALL too small. Some I can't get done up at all, others go on but are skin tight around my fat stomach and too big around my shoulders.
So I am a bit shaken, but I head out again the next night, determined to find something nice to wear for my birthday. This time I try on not only the things that I like, but absolutely anything I can find that may fit me. It is a hot and sticky night and I am getting more and more flustered as I have to leave the change room and hand over about 12 items to a hopeful looking shopping assistant asking how I went. Each time I have to explain that they were too small and she offers to get me bigger sizes and I have to advise her that they are the biggest sizes in the shop. Joyful times.
I even try a couple of less trendy shops that go up to a size 18, while the clothes might not be my cup of tea, I am hopeful there might be something that is kind of wearable. I finally have success with a size 18 dress that fits. Well, it fits around my stomach, but is easily 2 sizes too big around my shoulders. I tell myself that I can wear a cardigan and it might not be noticeable. Then I really look at the dress and realize it is hideous and decide to just get the hell out of there.
Would you believe that I went back one more time over the weekend to try again (by this stage I had been to 3 different shopping centres!). I was supposed to be helping AJ shop for work shirts, but I couldn't help but have a little look for myself and try some things on. Same old story, everything clinging tightly around my fat stomach. I even tried the plus size stores, but they are way too big. I am stuck in limbo.
So now I am in full pity party mode. I am sick of my stupid deformed body that can't wear normal clothes. It is clear that nothing will fit me properly until I get body lift surgery to get rid of my hideous apron stomach and loose skin, but strangely enough I don't have a spare $20k sitting around to get that done! I just need to try and remember all the important reasons I lost weight and not focus on this one little problem...
|One of the dresses that I tried on that I absolutely loved. It may look like it fits, but I couldn't get the zipper done up at all. I wanted to buy it anyway, but at $280 I couldn't justify the expense for a dress that may not ever fit.|