Saturday, May 05, 2007

Night On The Town

Some of the girls I used to work with from Geelong are coming to stay with me this weekend. We are going to have some drinks and then hit the town. I am really looking forward to catching up with them, but already dreading the going out part. If I had my way we would just stay at my place and talk and drink and not go out at all. I suffer from extreme fat person paranoia when I go to clubs. I think everyone is staring at me and laughing at me and lets face it, some people do...

Once when I was living in Geelong and I was at my heaviest I went out with some friends to a club. We were dancing and a guy walks up to me and starts imitating me and making comments about my weight. This is humiliating enough, except my friends tried to stick up for me. Their hearts were in the right place, but it just escalated the situation and there was yelling and then his friends came over and it turned into a huge argument and people were staring at us. Then the guy decided to prove a point because he felt like my friends had embarrassed him and he followed me around for the next half hour making nasty comments, until eventually I had to leave. The next morning my friends were still making a big deal about it (once again, they were trying to be nice) and it just made it all the more embarrassing. This is not an isolated incident, but probably the worst one I have had.

So now when ever I go out, no matter how much I drink, I rarely get drunk because I am so self conscious. I am fine when I go to the pub with friends for casual drinks, work functions, dinners or when I go to parties at friends houses, I always relax and have fun, but I just freeze up in a night club situation. I end up feeling like a fat, boring, prude because I won't dance and my feet start to hurt and I just want to go home. It is really hard to stay in a club till 5am when you are sober! I don't even know if I would like clubs if I was skinny, I really prefer to just sit around and talk with friends in a pub or bar.

I hope I don't sound too negative, I really want to have a good night. I have a bottle of apple vodka in the freezer, so let's see how I go tonight...


  1. Big hug to you, Tully. I wish that you could hang out with me, Amal, Sarah-I and Sarah-II since it sounds like you would fit in with our sit-in-a-bar-and-have-a-chat style!

    I have never been to a club - I'm absolutely terrified of them, and hearing about your experiences makes my fear completely justified.

    I have my fingers crossed that it goes well (and if I were with you, I wouldn't try to reasons with the assholes - I'd tell them what I thought with my fists!)

  2. I am sorry you had to experience that - some people were just born jerks and I have to believe that someday they'll get their comeupance.
    I understand the hesitation at the nightclubs, most of the time I find myself dancing by myself with all my hot skinny friends finding random men to dance with. And even if a guy does come up to me and ask me to dance, I am so skeptical so I usually say no (and plus they are rarely cute enough for my standards).
    Nonetheless, I hope you have fun tonight - and if you are feeling the music, I say go for it!

  3. I used to the love the clubs and I used to love to dance until the bar closed. But I know exactly what you mean. You may feel that "everyone" is looking at you - but chances are that they are so involved with themselves that they don't even care. And if they do - they are ignornat arsholes. Have a good night, have fun and focus on your friends.

  4. I hate clubs and pubs too, I much prefer being in a more cosy homelike situation... and you are not that darn huge anymore, go look in the mirror girl, you are getting there! Don't let a few kilos stop you getting out there and enjoying life and all it has to offer, you only get one go around eh? I hope you had a wonderful evening chick.

  5. Oh Tully, hugs hugs hugs! I've been in similar situations and it's miserable, pure plain and simple. I hope you survived the evening and take comfort in knowing that if I ever meet that jerk who made fun of you at the club -- I'll beat his ass.


Awww thanks so much for the comment!