2007 In Review

I started this blog exactly a year ago today. At the start of this year I made a list of goals for myself, some I have achieved, some I haven't...

Health & Fitness goals for 2007...

Maintain 2006 weight loss
This was my most important goal and I am pleased to say that I was able to maintain my loss from 2006.
Be under 100 kilo's by 1st June
Nope, didn't do it.
Be under 90 kilo's by 31st December
Definitely didn't do this one.
Do yoga classes at work
I started, but hated it and stopped. It wasn't for me, but I did try.
Start swimming
I did start swimming and it was one of the most fun things I have done in years!
Walk to and from work every day
I did this until I started my new job in December because my new work is too far away to walk, but I would say I achieved this goal.
Exercise for 20 minutes every morning before work
I did this sporadically, but I can't say that I achieved this one.

Other Goals for 2007...

Learn to drive
I did not achieve this, didn't even try.
Get passport
Yes I did this, I wish all of my goals were this easy.
Go on an overseas holiday
Yes, the most fun I have ever had!
Save money
No, life got in the way of this goal. I am very proud to say that I will be finishing this year debt free after paying off my credit card last week and that is good enough for me.
Complete Masters degree
Yes I finished this in June after about 8 years of non stop studying.
Learn to speak Japanese
Funnily enough I ended up going to Japan, I did try and learn the basics, but I didn't get any further than that.
Do volunteer work
I didn't do this, I haven't been able to find the time to commit to this, so instead I donate money.
Continue to be fulfilled and challenged at work
I was very unchallenged for a while there, so I got a new job that most definitely challenges me!

Overall I am pretty happy with what I have achieved this year. My biggest achievement is maintaining my 2006 loss of 14.5 kilos and on top of that losing another 10 kilos. For the past 20 years that I have been dieting I have aways been able to lose weight if I put my mind to it, it is just maintaining that I have had a problem with. I don't think I have maintained any loss longer then 3 months, so this is a huge achievement for me. It may seem like 2 years is a long time to lose 25 kilos (55 pounds), but I know that I have made life long changes that will give me a longer, healthier and happier life and that is what is important.


23rd December 2006


23rd December 2007

These two photos were taken exactly a year apart and I am supposedly about 10 kilos lighter in the bottom one, but I can't see the difference. I think the next 10 kilos are when I will see a much bigger difference, so bring it on in 2008!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

My Christmas

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas! My holiday period has been relatively stress free, especially in comparison to past years. On my birthday (Sunday 23rd) I went to the zoo with my dad (who came down from the country for a couple of days) and brothers and their partners and had a picnic lunch. I haven't been to the zoo in so long, so it was nice wandering around the gardens and looking at the animals all day.


A gorgeous gorilla at the zoo


Me with my dad and both my brother's girlfriends having a picnic lunch


Me at the zoo on a (fake) seal

After the zoo we went to St Kilda for dinner and cosmopolitans, followed by ice cream- like most of my meals are lately!


My brother, his girlfriend and a friend eating ice cream

Christmas eve was some last minute shopping, I love shopping on Christmas eve, it just seems so exciting. Then I met up with my dad and step mum for lunch on Lygon st and some more shopping. Later that night my dad and step mum came over and we had a lovely dinner and champagne at a restaurant across the road from where I live in Fitzroy. The food and wine was so lovely and the fact that it is directly across the road from my house means I will definitely be back soon!

On Christmas morning my dad and step mum came over on their way back to the country to help set up the gift they bought me- a boxing ball on a stand. I love boxing, so it is an awesome gift for me! Then I went to my mum's for dinner with my brothers and some extended family. We had the traditional Australian BBQ of prawns, snapper and salmon as well as hot beef and chicken roasts for those that don't like seafood. I ate to complete excess and felt sick at the end of the night, but it was fun!


The Christmas tree at my mum's- can you believe none of those presents were for me!


Me, my brother's girlfriend and a friend

On boxing day I attempted to go to Chaddy for the sales, but the crowds got the better of me and I didn't buy anything. I had some vouchers to spend and I love shopping, but I just couldn't make a decision with so many people around me. People get so crazy at these sales, I just can't see that it is worth it to save $20.

Yesterday I went to the Yarra Valley (wine region) with a friend. It is my absolute favourite area in the world and every time I visit I make all these plans to move there and build a gorgeous little house and run my own book store. We went to 5 wineries and I bought 7 bottles of wine, so I am not sure how that is going to go with my New Years resolutions... Then we had a late lunch and ice cream (of course) in Healseville before heading home.


Sipping pink champagne at a winery in the Yarra Valley


The beautiful vines in the Yarra Valley


Stopping by the side of the road to admire the scenery between wineries

I have a few more days off before I have to go back to work, so I am hoping to go on a few more day trips to enjoy some good food and wine before I get on board DIET 2008!

Merry Christmas

First thing first, another gain this week of 300 grams. I am disappointed, but it is not unexpected. I have eaten out at least once every day this week. I guess Christmas is the season to be jolly, not lose weight! I cannot wait for January and to get these extras kilos off and a few more.

It has been a pretty crazy week with the normal Christmas festivities and new job pressure. Then on Wednesday lunch time my mum, gran and brother's girlfriend (J) were involved in a serious car accident. My mum was stopped at a round about when out of no where a car drove into them at high speed. Apparently the driver of the other car had some sort of a diabetic seizure and lost control of the car. My mum got out of the car fine, but my gran and J were trapped in the car and they had to use the jaws of life to get them out. Remarkably they weren't seriously injured and my gran was released from hospital that evening, though J had to stay over night. They are all pretty sore and suffering from whip lash, joint pain, cuts and bruises, and J still can't walk, but they are ok. What a relief! No one on the scene can believe that they got out of the car alive- it is a total write off. My mum was the least physically injured, but she seems to be pretty messed up about it because she was driving the car and feels responsible. She also saw the other driver who was seriously injured and we are not sure if he made it through the accident so she is quite traumatised about that as well. So the whole thing was awful, but my family is extremely lucky to all be alive right now!

I am on holidays now until 2nd January and I really need this break. I have never felt so overwhelmed in my entire life. I am kind of wondering what I have gotten myself into at this new job. We had our Christmas party on Friday and I managed not to get too drunk, I figured I better act responsibly now that I am a manager. Last year at my work Christmas party I got incredibly drunk and got caught stealing a full bottle of wine from my table at the restaurant (we were leaving and it was paid for so I figured I should take it), got even more drunk at the after party and started to cry for no reason, flirted with a married colleague whose last words to me were "I better go before I do something I will regret tomorrow", then passed out in the taxi on the way home and woke up to the taxi driver 'massaging' me and telling me he had a day job as a masseuse and would I like him to take me inside for a rub down- ewww! So I guess you could say this year was relatively tame in comparison.

In other news it is my birthday today, I turn 27, I can't believe how old I am! I still feel like I am 16- it might be time to grow up... My dad is coming down from the country and we are going to go to the zoo for a picnic. My brothers are coming too and it will be a bit of a Christmas get together for my family because we won't see my dad on Christmas day. I never really celebrate my birthday because it is at such an annoying time of year and no one can ever do anything for it because they are so busy, so I have to rope my family in! Get ready for me to crack the shits by the end of the day when inevitably nearly all my friends forget! The only good thing about my birthday is that every year at this time Chaddy (shopping centre) is open 24 hours, so I can go and cheer myself up with some retail therapy at 3am. :-)

I hope everyone has a safe and happy Christmas!

Mixed Success

I was pretty pissed off to get on the scales this morning to register a 500 gram gain to take me back up to 102.3 kilos. It is really tough when you think you are never going to see a number again and then it jumps right out back at you. I know that I had to eat out a bit this week, but I was ultra careful. It makes me wonder how much I would have gained if I wasn't careful...

It feels unfair when I think about all the wine, cake, chips, lollies, slices and biscuits I didn't eat this week that everyone around me was eating. Why can't my scale give me extra credit points for all the things I didn't eat, instead of punishing me for what I did eat. :-)

What I find most frustrating is that I had this feeling of pride that I was going to get through Christmas without gaining weight. I have never done that before, but I am not sure if that will happen anymore. Instead I will stop thinking about my success in terms of the number on the scale and measure it by the choices I make. When I think back over the last week and the choices I made there is nothing I regret and that is the important thing. So I guess that even though I gained, it was still a successful week?!

Exhausted...

I have been at my new job a week now and I think I can safely say that I am totally overwhelmed. I know the first week is always tough and it'll get better, but right now I can't help but think back at the good old days when I had a mindless job and did nothing...

I go through ups and downs through out the day where one minute I think everything is great and the next I go into panic and wonder what the hell I am doing. I do love it though and I think there are going to be some great opportunities for me there so itll be ok.

I can see I am going to struggle with the amount of work lunches and dinners this job involves. I mean I can try and make healthy choices, but it can be hard to find healthy options on a lot of menus and even when you think you have it comes out smothered in butter, oil or creamy dressing. Not to mention the obligatory wine that is invloved and I have to partake because it makes clients feel uncomfortable if I decline. Normally free fancy lunches and wine would be my dream come true, but it feels a bit counter productive right now. I'll keep plugging away doing the best I can though.

I doubt I'll have a loss this week, but fingers crossed anyway. I ate out Friday night, went to a party on Saturday night where I got stuck into the wine and cheese and then I went to my mum's for a good old fashioned roast beef with yorkshire pudding on Monday. My exercise has been practically non-existent, but I know i'll get into the swing of things after I settle in. I am just so exhausted right now that the idea of fitting in exercise makes me want to cry. I feel good that I haven't dropped the ball completely though or used excuses about being tired and stressed to over eat, so I think that is good enough for now.

Sustainability

Yesterday was weigh day for me and I was very pleased to register a 400 gram loss on the scale, which is just under 1 lb. This brings me down to 101.8 kilos which is about 224 lbs. It was TTOM for me this week and I was quite sick with bad cramps so I didn't exercise very much and I caved in to a few sweet cravings, so a loss is great news for me.

I find it slightly unbelievable that I am so close to getting under 100 kilos. For the past few years I have held that up as my ultimate goal and I thought that I would feel different now that I am so close. As much as I want to get under 100 kilos, I am already thinking about my next goal which is 90 kilos. For a long time when my weight was so high (128.5 kilos) I really couldn't think beyond 100 kilos, but now I can see that I can go further then that.

I think the big reason that I am not so excited about reaching 100 kilos is because numbers on the scale are not my biggest focus anymore. Instead I am aiming to be consistent with my eating and exercise. I want this time to be different so the question I continually ask myself is can I sustain this behaviour for the rest of my life?

I know that I could lose 30 kilos in a few months by exercising for 2 hours a day and barely eating anything- I have done this numerous times and each time I have regained the weight (and more) because this is not sustainable behaviour. So this time I have been 'dieting' but I have not once felt like I am missing out on anything.

I have gone out with friends for drinks, had dinners out and even the occasional take away, but I have factored this into my calories for the day. Sometimes I go over my calories, but I figure that is just life and I can't stick to 1200 calories every day for the rest of my life. I know that if I deprive myself of too much that I will end up binging. With this in mind I make sure I cook foods I enjoy, my diet regularly includes burritos, pizza, butter chicken, spaghetti, red curry, chocolate pudding and ice cream. Obviously these are all low calorie versions, but they taste awesome and they easily fit within my calories for the day.

The hardest thing for me to do so far is learn that I can indulge in small quantities and it is ok. The first few weeks were extremely hard and I felt like slipping back into my 'all or nothing' mentality and binging all day just because I ate 2 small chocolates. Now I feel comfortable eating treats and not punishing myself for it or sabotaging my diet. Last week I had huge chocolate cravings, so I bought a box of my favourite chocolates and I ate 1/4 of the box until I felt satisfied and then I put them away for when I next feel like indulging. Even little things like yesterday I ate 2 chocolate bullets at work, but I don't feel like that means I should give up and eat the whole packet anymore.

I exercise as much as I can, but if I am busy or sick I don't put pressure on myself to do it because otherwise I will get burnt out and give up. I still don't really enjoy exercise very much so I try to be more active in my every day life and do exercise that I enjoy such as swimming and weight training. I know that I should do more cardio, so I try to get on the treadmill while my favourite shows are on or do a quick exercise DVD.

I no longer feel like my eating and exercise need to be perfect for me to successfully lose weight and be healthy. I know that perfection is not sustainable so instead I aim to make healthy choices when I can that still enable me to live the life that I want to live.

Motivation???

It seems I have reached that point in my diet where my motivation has disappeared. There is only so long you can diet on motivation alone, eventually it disappears and things get hard. This is the point where I could find excuses to give up (I have a million of them ready- I'm starting a new job, it's nearly Christmas, I'll start in the New Year) or I could buckle down and do the hard work.

Friday afternoon I started to feel that old familiar feeling of wanting to eat mindlessly. I started snacking on basically anything I could find to eat. My choices at home were limited- damn my healthy shopping habits, so I ate saladas, cup-a-soup and popcorn. This is how it starts for me.

I don't wake up one morning and make a conscious decision to eat crap and give up on the diet. It happens slowly, I will start by over-eating healthy food and tell myself it is ok because it is healthy. Then a take away sneaks in for dinner because I am busy, then I think I will just get through the week doing the best I can and start again next week. This eventually turns into greasy work lunches, chocolate in the afternoons to give me a boost, take away for dinner every night and too much alcohol on weekends.

So the mindless eating continued until Monday afternoon when I realised what I was doing and that I was either going to eat crap until some point in the New Year and gain about 12 kilos or I could stop now and try and get through the holidays without gaining weight and possibly even lose some weight. While it may be fun to let loose over the holidays (ok, a lot of fun!), I am choosing to keep working at this because I don't know how many more times I can lose weight and re-gain it and then lose it again. This cycle is killing me and I don't want to do it anymore.

It is going to be a tough few weeks and I honestly don't know if I can do this but I am going to do my best to make the best choices I can over the holidays. I think if I am careful I can have a good time, enjoy the yummy foods and not gain weight. I just keep thinking that there is no giving up and starting again, this time is for life.

In other news, I start my new job tomorrow. I am so nervous, not sure what to wear... Every outfit I try on looks fine when I stand up and suck my stomach in, but when I sit down I look like a 3 tiered wedding cake. Sigh.