Sunday, January 02, 2011

If You Do The Crime...

Well you gotta do the time...

My selection of 'food' for the next few days.

Blending my first optifast shake this morning.

A few factors came together over the past few weeks that have resulted in a mammoth weight gain. A gain that is so bad that I am almost ashamed to say it out loud... OK, I will... 5 big fat kilos in 3 weeks. I went from a lovely 77.5 kilos on 11th December 2010 to a hefty 82.5 kilos 1st January 2011.

BIG FAT EXCUSE 1: I got an un-fill of my lap band and it meant I could eat all sorts of foods that I haven't been able to eat in 18 months. I would like to say that I didn't cave in, but instead I visited my old 'friends' Grill'd, Red Rooster, pizza and many other fast food acquaintances. I can't lie, it was fun!

BIG FAT EXCUSE 2: Then there was also my birthday, Christmas, summer holidays and New Years... cake, champagne, celebrating, more champagne, more cake, more celebrating. Need I say more?

BIG FAT EXCUSE 3: Hmmm, how do I say this without being dramatic. I had a minor meltdown. As much as it may seem like I am an attention seeking whore by posting pictures of myself all over this blog, I actually hate attention of any kind, and it causes me a great deal of anxiety. Turning 30 meant that everyone made a big deal of me and it sent me over the edge a little. I hate people buying me things, I hate people making a big deal over me or spending money on me. It actually stresses me out so much that I found the whole thing too much and I became overwhelmed with self hatred. Self hatred does not make you treat yourself very well...

I'm not sure how long I'll last on the Optifast shakes, it may not even be a full day, but whatever I can do will help. My lap band and my body need a little rest from having copious amounts of food shoved in it.


  1. Ahh I'm doing optifast again as well
    Just to detox
    Everything is so hard this time of the year.
    Good luck!

  2. Good luck, you can do it for sure. I have gained weight over the last 3 weeks too - it's this time of year. Once you get a kickstart you'll be back into it in no time.

  3. You will be 5kg later within 3 weeks, so don't beat yourself up too much. Treat your body with kindness and respect, replenish it with water and good food, and it will respond accordingly.

  4. I believe when you have issues with food that see you get so big in the first place they don't just go away when you start losing weight. You do gain more control over them and it sounds like that's exactly what you're doing now. I mean you jumped on the scales at the start of the new year and drew a line in the sand and said "no more". Well done on doing that and not letting this year begin in a bad way.

  5. too!!! i'm doing the protein drink post-holiday purge myself... gotta pay the piper...dammit. love the blog, btw-i'm a newbie around here!

  6. Hey good for you for taking control back. Everyone backslides and at least you didn't let it continue to go on! That's the difference between then and now! Hats off to you - and as already said above - don't get down on yourself - you're taking a step forward!
    I've never tried optifast shakes....good luck - and you will take it right back off!

  7. oh christ. thanks so much for posting this - what a relief to read that someone else is being honest about weight gain at this time of year. 5kg in 3 weeks is pretty good compared to mine LOL i had our christmas party, my birthday, christmas and new years and i had envisioned myself discreetly having a low calorie wine and a few snacks. i completely was face down in beer and kfc by day three. i put on 5kg in a week???? i dunno how that's even possible. the attention thing i completely get too. i saw a heap of people in dec who i hadn't seen since i lost about 30kg. their compliments and attention made me feel incredibly self conscious - i know - how ungrateful am i??? to the point where i started binging again. it's all so odd. i'm not sure what to do now. i've gone completely off goal and old behaviours are kicking in. it's all a bit surreal. i've gone from being really focussed to completely losing it. so i empathise with ya and i'm so grateful you posted this so honestly. appreciate it. i don't feel quite so alone now - it's hard to talk to friends about it cos they are all pretty slim and can eat whatever they like. they just keep saying "get back on the horse" when all i want to do is eat the horse. i feel so bad about how much weight i've gained that it seems to be making me want to eat more. i know if i had a friend who was going through the same thing i would say, just keep going, who cares. these thoughts have such a massive power over me, they seem to stop me in my tracks. anyway, thanks again and all the best. i don't know whether to try optifast - i'm on meditrim which i like. but i might switch? what's your experience with optifast? emma x

  8. You crack me up. I totally feel you on this one. And I am absolutely sure you can stick with the liquid diet for more than a day! Good luck!



Awww thanks so much for the comment!