I watched it yesterday and it was very interesting, but not at all what I expected. It was about women who have gastric bypass surgery and lose weight very quickly, without first dealing with the reason they overeat. They then replace the eating addiction with another addiction: sex, alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc.
I have a friend that had a gastric bypass and went from 125 kilos to 55 kilos. She also dyed her hair blond, got contact lenses and had breast implants. So she had a pretty huge transformation and she looks stunning. Unfortunately she didn't put quite as much work into her personality or understanding why she was so overweight in the first place.
Whenever I see her or talk to her, she just exudes bitterness and negativity. She is 35 and has spent her whole life being miserable because of her weight, then she lost the weight and didn't suddenly become happy. She doesn't have more friends, a boyfriend or a better job now that she has lost weight. She now spends her weekends getting very drunk, sleeping with random men and then passing out. In the past she blamed all her unhappiness on her weight and now she is thin she can't understand why she isn't happy.
This is why I think it is really important that I change my life ad my way of thinking before I lose weight. For years I have put my life on hold, telling myself that "when I lose weight" I will do this or that. I believed that I couldn't or didn't deserve to be happy because I was fat. This obviously didn't help me lose weight and I lived a pretty empty life.
This time last year I started to change the way I thought and realised if I hate mysef and hate my life, I am never ging to lose weight. In the past I would always vow to lose 10 kilos before I could do anything. Of course I didn't lose the weight and I became increasingly unhappy. So I stopped putting my life on hold and started living life. I got a great job, a great apartment, I spend money on myself and I go out and enjoy spending time with friends and family. OK, I am not exactly a weightloss success story, but I am happy and that is what really counts. I know the only way I can lose weight and be healthy for life is to work on living a full life and understand the triggers for my overeating.
My relationship with my friend is now a bit strained. I am not sure if it is that she is jealous of me or angry at me that I am happy and live a fulfilling life, even though I am overweight. She makes me feel like I should be embarrassed of myself for living my life while I am still overweight. She is clearly very insecure and I really hope that she will start to love herself more and not put all her worth into the way she looks. I guess the reason I feel so sorry for her is because I see so much of mysef in her and I see what my life could have been if I didn't change my attitude.
Great post, Tully. Makes you think about how people think that weight loss is just about the weight, when really its more than that. It deserves linkage.
ReplyDeletegreat post and happy to hear that you are living your life.
ReplyDeletei will never understand those of us who carry weight but can't seem to love themselves anyway.
all this self loathing, i just don't understand it. even at my heaviest i loved myself and was confident that the people in my life, including my lovers thought of me as sexy and attractive and mostloved me.
we are not a number, either on the scales or on our clothing.
only the shallow don't bother looking into a persons soul to see who they really are and what they have to offer!
And by the way, you've been tagged!
ReplyDeleteGastric Bypass might be the answer for people who have some serious health issues, but it does not solve the problems that caused the obesity.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Spidy. You are doing a fantastic job by the way.
ReplyDeleteI think I catch myself doing that a lot, of course realising that that is not true is a lot harder to deal with. Believing that people don't like me because of my appearance is a lot easier to handle than the truth ;)
ReplyDeleteI am not a good person to be friends with. The frustrating part about that is I'm not sure what part of my personality that are changable will make me a more lovable person. I care deeply about people who I am pretty sure just tolerate me because they are NICE people.
Its just easier to blame my fatness and bad looks for my failure. To believe I am a fundamentally flawed person with a bad personality that is not worth liking is a lot harder to stomach because then its all my fault. Its not people being superficial it means there's something really wrong with me. And I DO understand that that's true its just a lil harsh and upsetting so sometimes its easier to pretend... that they don't like me because i am unnatractive physically.
Your post really makes me think. At different times in my life I have exhibited the same behavior as your friend, albeit doing it when I was/am overweight. I am scared to even flirt with guys now because I think they are only talking to me because I must be easy (The stereotype that all overweight women must be desparate for male attention.) It's a sad life and I don't think it is going to get any better when I reach my goal weight. So, right now I'm just taking it one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like both you and your friend had issues with weight and with happiness. And one of you worked on one half and the other worked on the other half. Neither immediately fixes the other, there are tools which you gain from either to help the other, and sometimes the two are intertwined inextricably...
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm trying to say that it seems sad to have a strained relationship and to be playing a kind of one-upsmanship. Which made the more important move. They're both important, and either one can be a lie. It's easy to say "see, I love myself enough not to feel guilty as I eat junk food". But realistically, constantly cultivating either a positive diet or a positive emotional outlook is hard. If you really have that positive outlook, spread it to others. She is on her path as much as you are on yours. She's doing the best she can.