Black Hole

So I had a big song and dance about getting under 100 kilos last week and since then I have fallen into a black hole of fried food and chocolate.

I have only gotten under 100 kilos precisely 4 times in the last 10 years and every time I have seen the number 99 I have started to eat like my life depended on it and gained back all the weight (plus more). Every time.

I knew last week was going to be a tough week, I had 3 major client meetings in 3 different states and a 3 day conference, all within a 7 day period. Basically, it was a months worth of work packed into a week and I was incredibly stressed. I admit that I let the stress get to me and I took it out on the mini bar, the only way I seem to know how...

I am supposed to have my monthly weigh in tomorrow and I just can't do it. I can't bear to see the scale tick back over the 100 kilos so I am going to skip it this month. The good news is that I have 31 days in December to work my arse off and get back under 100 kilos. I am not going to let this beat me again.

A Day In The Life

So Kristy asked me recently to post a typical day of eating now that I have been banded. I know every person that gets banded is different and every surgeon gives different advice, so this is just what I do and not necessarily what you should do!

I eat two meals a day, lunch and dinner, which I know is sacrilege to the typical dieter who believes breakfast is the most important meal of the day! I have never been into eating breakfast, it is just one more annoying thing that I don't have time to purchase, prepare or eat, so I happily gave this away.

I very rarely snack between meals and if I do get really hungry I will eat a piece of fruit. The two meals I eat each day are normally 400-500 calories each, which I just guess as I am going along, because I would rather put hot pokers in my eye than count calories. Both meals I eat are normally quite small in size, though probably bigger than the 1 cup per meal that the surgeon recommends. I don't have much restriction in my band, so 1 cup of food would not satisfy me at all.

Lunch

I don't get very inventive with lunch because I just don't have time to prepare or eat it at work, so I just get whatever is quick and easy.

~ Toasted wholegrain sandwich with tinned spaghetti/baked beans
~ Wholemeal pita wrap with turkey breast and salad
~ Vita wheat crackers with a tin of tuna
~ Sushi roll with salmon

Dinner

I eat out for dinner quite a bit with friends or for work and I generally order the scallops or the fish with a salad. When I am at home, you can pretty much guarantee that one of my stock standards below will be cooked! I like cooking new things on weekends when I have time, but the below are my week day favourites.

I do try to avoid carbs where possible and stick to lean meats and vegetables, but I am not always perfect!

~ Grilled fish with salad or veggies
~ Pita bread pizza with onion, capsicum, olives, chili, feta cheese and bacon
~ Chili con carne with light sour cream and cheese
~ Lasagna (Lean Cuisine)
~ Crumbed chicken breast with steamed veggies and gravy
~ Butter Chicken (Lean Cuisine)
~ Baked potato with coleslaw, bacon, onion, light cheese and light sour cream
~ Quesadilla with chicken mince, spices, onion, capsicum, salsa, light cheese and light sour cream
~ Omelet with spring onion, capsicum, cheese and ham

If I feel like something sweet after dinner I will have one of the following...

~ Chuppa chup lolly pop
~ Light ice cream with a little light peanut butter and light chocolate sauce
~ Nestle diet chocolate dessert pudding cup
~ Weight Watchers hot chocolate pudding with a scoop of light ice cream

I am sure that a lot of people who have been banded can't eat some of the things I eat, but I don't have much restriction in my band and I can pretty much eat anything as long as I eat it slowly.

Skinny Jeans

In my excitement of getting under 100 kilos this week I decided to get cocky and try on my skinny jeans. I bought these jeans the last time I got under 100 kilos and have never worn them because they never fit and then I promptly gained 30 kilos and they sure as hell didn't fit after that!

So I dug them out of the back of my closet and hoped that they might now miraculously slide on over my thighs and hips. No such luck... There was not just a muffin top, there was a 3 tier wedding cake above my waist band!


Check out the gap between the button and the hole, this isn't going to happen over night!


I tried to do them up but I just didn't have the strength.

They are size 20 from Jeans West, but because I carry all my weight around my belly (classic apple shape), getting jeans to fit is almost impossible. If they fit my belly, they will be too big in the butt and legs. Sigh. Hopefully this problem will lessen as I lose weight.

So, as AJ said, why the fuck would you want to post a photo of your gut hanging out of your jeans?! Well, I have a lot of clothes that used to be too small and now fit great, but I struggle to believe that they were ever too small. My head won't believe that I have really lost weight and I think that whatever I am wearing must have always fit me. The mind plays so many tricks when you lose weight. So now I have it on record that these jeans don't fit me, and when they do fit me in the next couple of months (fingers crossed), I can look back and see how far I have come.

6 Months Ago...

So only 6 months ago today I was in recovery after having lap band surgery and wondering if I was making the biggest mistake of my life (and wanting pain killers). So this afternoon when I realised the significance of today's date, and I had nothing better to do, I found my worst 'before photo' and dressed in the same outfit to take some comparison photos.

The before photo was taken at the start of April 2009 on a holiday in Darwin. My surgery wasn't until May 22nd 2009, but after seeing the photos from this holiday I banned the camera. I was pretty much at my biggest in the before photo and felt horrible the whole time I was away.


April 2009 129.7 kilos - November 2009 99.1 kilos

And some more photos from today in my 'before' outfit...





So I also wondered how much I weighed on this 6 month anniversary of my surgery and for the first time in a very long time I saw a number under 100 kilos...



Please excuse the scabs on my feet, they are a left over dance floor injury from last weekend. I have barely been able to walk all week from the agony of dancing in uncomfortable shoes until 4.00am. Anyway, scabby feet aside, holy fuck! I started to wonder if I would ever see a number on the scale that didn't start with a '1'. In fact, it seems so surreal right now that it really hasn't sunk in yet.

I am finally like the other bandster bloggers that can unequivocally say: getting the lap band was the best decision I have ever made.

Lap Band Quiz

The gorgeous Cara from The Dash posted this bandster quiz on her blog, so I thought I'd do the same. If you're banded and you do the quiz too, let me know because I'd love to take a look!

1. How long have you been banded?
5 months and 25 days exactly

2. What was your highest pre-band weight? / Current weight now?
My highest weight was 129.7 kilos (285 lbs)
My current weight is 100 kilos (220 lbs)

3. What is your best "go-to" food to get in your protein?
Um, I don't normally worry too much about eating protein, but I guess I would say eggs or fish.

4. What is your favorite protein brand/shake?
Coffee flavoured Optifast- but using the word 'favourite' is quite a stretch...

5. What food do you miss the most now being post-band?
I can pretty much eat everything I could before I was banded. I haven't tried steak, but I rarely ate it anyway. I love food too much to have my band tight enough to stop me eating anything I love.

6. What is your favorite "mushy" food?
Mashed potato with gravy.

7. What was your worst PB experience?
Twice now while I was enjoying a nice meal with family and friends in very nice restaurants I have had things get stuck, which really upsets me to be causing a fuss while everyone is trying to have a nice time. I hate that people feel bad for me and awkward about the whole thing.

8. What has been the hardest part of this journey so far for you?
Not being able to eat when I want to is very tough for an emotional eater.

9. What is your best NSV to date?
Picking up a cute size 16 dress from Target a couple of weeks ago for only $20. I don't usually get a bargain when I am shopping and certainly not anything in a size 16! Disclaimer: It was stretchy and a 'big' size 16.

10. What is your top non-weight goal for your band?
To be able to wear clothes from normal shops and to be able to run 5km.

11. What is your goal weight or size?
I have never been skinny, so I'm not sure. Sometimes I think 65 kilos would be good, but 55-60 kilos would be better for my height. I will be happy when I feel fit and healthy though.

12. What band "rule" do you live by (i.e. don't cheat on)?
Eating 2 small meals a day with no snacks, but I couldn't say I am 100% perfect with this, we all have our moments!

13. What band "rule" do you not follow as much or aren't so good at?
I was never given any rules (or advice really) to follow, so not sure what rules I am breaking. Maybe that I am not getting enough fill in my band to give me restriction, I prefer to keep it looser than it should be.

14. What is your goal "reward"?
My health and happiness- I know it is corny, but it is really true. Maybe I'll splurge on a killer outfit, champagne and weekend away too of course!

15. In the spirit of Thanksgiving being right around the corner (US), what are you most thankful for, post-band?
That I have lost almost 30 kilos (66 lbs) and re-gained my life. I also know that life will just keep getting better from here on.

Every Calorie Counts

I secretly stepped on the scales before I jetted off to Auckland because I just wanted a sneak peak on how my weight was doing and I was THRILLED to see that I weighed exactly 100 kilos. So that meant I just had to do ok this week and lose a few hundred grams and I would be under 100 kilos for the first time in ages.

Suffice to say, I haven't had the best week. I have made a lot of bad choices, but I have made some good choices too, so I am not going to be too hard on myself. I have kept my exercise up and I went to the supermarket and bought some healthy food for meals and snacks. So I have limited the damage and it makes me happy to know that I always maintain some sense of control over my eating these days.

Since I started this whole thing in April this year, I can honestly say that I have never felt completely out of control of my eating. I have eaten a lot of things I probably shouldn't have, but that is just life and I love food and that is never going to change.

I know a lot of bloggers have inspirational sayings and motto's they follow that help keep them on track (check out Tania's from Sunday). I accidentally started my own little mantra over the past 6 months. Often in the past I would go out for dinner or drinks and then come home and eat more- because I had already gone off plan. Now I just repeat to myself that every calorie counts. So, I don't have to finish every meal, I don't have to eat dessert just because everyone else is or finish a bottle of wine because there is only one glass left-- because every calorie counts. So this week when I have made some bad choices with food and I questioned if I should still bother going to the gym or if I should just eat another chocolate bar, I just told myself that every calorie counts and kept going. I'm like a broken record, but it has really helped me.

Here's to getting under 100 next week...

Melting

This little heat wave we are having in Melbourne has made something really clear-- I need more friends with air conditioning!

Stupidly, I spent the afternoon in my sauna (lounge room) tackling a mountain of ironing I have been putting off for a month. I think I sweated off a least a kilo. It had to be done though, some of the clothing combinations I was putting together last week were questionable at best.

Lucky for me, I am jetting off to New Zealand tomorrow, where the top temperature all week looks to be 17 degrees. Thank christ, I am not ready for this heat before we even hit summer. I'll be back Friday night and it looks like it will still be hot all next weekend too, but a short reprieve will be nice.

I know most people feel more motivated to eat better and exercise during summer, but I seem to be the opposite. I had planned to go to the gym today, but I felt too drained (ok, and maybe slightly hung over) to be bothered. I am also really struggling with the urge to order pizza for dinner because I just couldn't be bothered cooking. I still feel like eating though...

It looks like it is going to be another long hot summer so I am going to have to learn to deal with the heat and stop being a sook. Hopefully as the kilos come off, it'll keep getting easier.

Life's Sweet

Things have been good with me lately. I feel weirdly happy for no reason and that happy feeling just won't go away.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my body and mind. I don't feel scared of life anymore and I suddenly feel like I have a lot to look forward to again.

I look forward to every part of my life right now... even the mundane...

~ talking with friends & family
~ busting a move at the gym
~ soaking up the sun on my lunch break
~ work (seriously)
~ reading blogs in bed
~ watching my favourite TV shows
~ cooking delicious food
~ walks around the lake
~ grooving to my ipod
~ eating juicy summer fruits

Everything seems sweeter when you feel good about yourself.

OK, so I will never be the kind of person who is chirpy and positive about everything. A healthy amount of cynicism and sarcasm can be good-- otherwise no one would want to be around me! But I have to say, this is the best I have felt in years.

November Weigh In

Well my 1st of November weigh in went a lot better than I was expecting and I think it has a little to do with all the alcohol I have consumed over the past 3 days that has left me a little dehydrated. Hey, whatever works in getting those numbers on the scale down... ;-)

November 1st Weigh In: 101.5 kilos (223 lbs)
Weight Lost In October: 4 kilos (8.8 lbs)
Total Weight Lost: 28.2 kilos (62 lbs)

I am close to reaching two major milestones, getting under 100 kilos and losing 30 kilos. This is the time that I often drop the ball and get comfortable so I need to be extra focused over the coming months. Now will be the time when I'll see if getting the lap band will not only help me to keep this weight off, but also continue to lose more weight.

I am really nervous about the month ahead though because I have a lot of travel for work (Auckland, Sydney, Perth, Canberra) and a lot of work lunches and dinners. I think I could comfortably maintain if I make sensible choices and try and fit in exercise at the hotel gym, but I don't want to just maintain, I want to blast my way under 100 kilos before summer. So this is going to take some supreme effort, but I know I can do it.

OK, I am going to get to the gym before it closes and get a head start on my December weigh in!