There Is No Humiliaton Like Shopping Humiliation

So my bathers arrived in the post yesterday. I tried them on they fit quite well, which was a bit surprising because I had to buy a size 20, when I am actually a 22, but the next size up they had available was a 26. The in-built bra actually gives real support and the top holds me tightly so that all of my fat doesn't jiggle. It is a two piece, but the top is long enough to cover my belly, so no skin is showing.

While the bathers fit nicely, well as nicely as bathers can look on someone who weighs 117.5 kilos, there is no way known I could be seen in public in them. I decided to go in search of board shorts to wear over the briefs.

I already knew that I wouldn't fit into the boardies at the surf shops, so I went to Target. They only had cute little shorts for skinny girls, so I reluctantly went to the menswear section. It is Autumn here, so all the summer stock is gone and the winter clothing lines are coming into the shops, but there was a messy rack of discounted summer menswear. I started looking through it and picking out a couple of pairs of shorts that were quite nice, but I had no idea what size I am in men's sizes. I held up the XL and it looked quite big, so I stood in a quiet corner and tried to slip them on over my pants (I think I have mentioned in the past that I am lazy...) and they didn't get past my knees. Immediately alarm bells starting ringing in my head.

I kept looking and picked up the largest size I could find which was 109 and once again, they didn't get anywhere near fitting me. Panic and humiliation were quickly sweeping over me and I just started searching through the rack like a crazy woman searching for something with a stretchy waistband. Eventually, tucked away at the back, I found a pair of what look like basketball shorts in a 4XL. I tried them on over my pants and they fit. I was relieved, but horrified that I had to buy men's 4XL shorts. I couldn't leave quick enough, so I paid for them and got out of there.

By the end of this process I was red in the face, sweating and flustered. I really did not know whether to laugh or cry. I can't even describe how ashamed of myself I felt standing in the men's section of Target in these ugly 4XL shorts. All I kept thinking was "how did it come to this?" I felt embarrassed for myself and everyone that knows me.

I need to make a promise to myself that next summer it will be different. I have a bit over 8 months to get my body into a more respectable shape for summer.

At least I can use the whole experience as motivation to keep going when I am doing laps in the pool.