I sit on the couch every day wondering why I can't just eat less calories and exercise more. It is not complicated. It should be easy. It is just simple maths.
If I could do this I would be healthier, fitter and more confident. I could wear any clothes I wanted to, my family would be proud of me and I could look at myself in the mirror and not be disgusted.
So why can't I do this?
Every week I think I am going to do this and I feel confident that I can do it and then I fail. I only need to smell the fish and chip shop when I walk past it on my way home from work or see a pizza hut ad on TV at dinner time or be frustrated, tired, angry, sad or even happy at someone or something. Then I crumble. See, even writing the word 'crumble' made me think of apple crumble.
Sometimes I feel like I am in control and then out of no where I just lose it. I feel like I can never trust myself, no matter how good I feel or how well I am doing I feel like I drop the ball at any moment.
So I have done well today. I have eaten well, I have exercised and I am feeling good, but still cautious.
Tully - From here on in I forbid you to use this word 'fail'.
ReplyDeleteThat is all.
Oh, Tully... I know it feels hard, but I also know that you CAN do it. For one, instead of sitting on the couch wondering why... take a walk and give yourself some time and space to think about the reasons behind whatever seems to be holding you back.
ReplyDeleteWhat if you said to yourself, "I AM confident. I AM fit. I AM pretty" and make that your mantra instead of waiting to be thin to say those things to yourself. Only YOU have to be proud of yourself. Only YOU have the power to see a beautiful person in the mirror. You ARE all of the wonderful things you wish to be, but you need to believe it or you will still have problems, even when the weight is off!
It sounds to me (and I could be wrong, please know all of this is coming from my heart) like you are INCREDIBLY hard on yourself. You have such high expectations that with even the slightest deviation you feel you're out of control or that you failed. You haven't, my dear! Start thinking in terms of POSSIBLILITIES and what you can do for yourself TODAY instead of expecting things you are not ready for yet.
Believe me, I KNOW it sucks to have to wait for the end result and go through the whole da*n process in the meantime, but we've got to do it. There's no other way. At least you will have some really great ladies with you on your journey!!
Trust in yourself, be good to yourself, believe in yourself and it's ALL going to work out!!
You can do it. You've done well up until now. Getting over this hump will be such a huge reward.
ReplyDeleteQuit beating yourself up, girl! Dieting is HARD. Fighting the urge to eat crap -- crap that everyone else eats and is advertised on every corner -- that is HARD. Just take it one day or one meal at a time. You can do it. YOU CAN. And if you make a mistake, hey, it happens. Just keep trying.
ReplyDeleteI think the other ladies said it perfectly!! .....
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard journey to take on but it has rewards like no other!!
I am happy to hear your day was going well ...... keep em coming..
Mellisa
This is why I may NEVER respect naturally thin people and I will ALWAYS look at those who have lost a considerable amount of weight and feel this silent and deep pride and knowing about what they had to go through to get there. We are a breed of our own and only fat and ex-fat chicks can understand wholly. Feel proud to be a member of this club, because when you reach your goal, you will know the level of sacrifice and discipline that not many others will ever comprehend.
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ReplyDeleteboy I know the feeling and all I been doing is yo yoing between losing and gaining 5 pounds. The Pizza Hut comercial got to me 2 weeks ago. I didn't have the pizza but I sure wanted to try it. I never had pizza where you can pull off the cheese ball wrapped in bread before. I wanted but I skipt it but ate something else that was probably just high in fat and calories.
ReplyDeleteNow I feel in control again. I went and change some things this week. I will see how well it will work by Friday.
It is quite a struggle but darn it. I gotta win.
I am with you 110%, I don't know why it suddenly got hard either. The other day I was watching a rerun of you are what you eat with my dad and it showed a shot of the 'before' table and was talking about how bad it was. We took one look at the giant pizza in the middle of the table and said to each other 'I want that' and got on the phone. (Yeah, we kind of missed the point of the program...).
ReplyDeleteWe have to take it day by day. It's like an addiction really. Addicts take it one day at a time. Sometimes we have small daily successes, and sometimes we have daily failures. Such is the life of a heavy person. I am right there with you.
ReplyDeleteRight there with ya girl. I have the same thoughts as you each and every day! I know what I want - I know that it takes different decisions, but yet I lack the "kick in the butt" that I need. As the snow melts outside I am happy to see the sidewalks again - I am looking forward to getting out for a walk each and every day! Take care and blog often!
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