Christmas Cheer

My resolution to not get fatter over the holidays is failing yet again. I spend so much time saying no to glasses of champagne and chocolates that I eventually crack and devour everything in sight. Oh well, at least it is a fun problem to have. I do love the Christmas/Summer holidays and spending my days sleeping in, reading in the sun, going to the beach, eating take away and drinking way too much. Operation Bridesmaids Bulge will just have to start on January 1, 2012!

I have been without a camera lately since mine pretty much shit itself earlier this year so I don't have my usual round-up of boring narcissistic holiday time photos, but here are a couple from my iphone.

Eating gelato as big as my head on Southbank

Drinking a delicious and highly alcoholic birthday drink bigger than my torso!

Even the gingerbread house wasn't safe around me!


My first sunburn of summer, which is only on one half of my body, so now I just need a cute one-shoulder dress for New Years...

I hope everyone is having a fantastic holiday and eating much more healthy than I am!

Online Shopping

After my horror weekend of dress shopping for my birthday I came into work Monday morning and opened my Google Reader while I had a cup of tea (diligent worker that I am) and browsed one of my favourite fashion blogs, Jaclyn Day. That morning she featured some lovely items in cobalt blue and a dress she linked to caught my attention. I went to the website and checked out the dress and then continued browsing through the rest of Piperlime because I had never heard of it before and it had some gorgeous things.

Being a Monday morning, I was feeling a little fragile and I decided I didn't give a shit about being careful with money for once and purchased 3 dresses. Their largest size is a US Large, which according to this conversion website, is an Australian size 16. Even though I had already purchased the dresses on a whim, I then checked my measurements against their sizing information and was deflated to see that it seemed I was about 10 inches too fat for them. Oh well, I decided that they would just sit on the inspiration side of my wardrobe for a while and I would hopefully fit into them one day.

For those interested, it cost me about AUD $300 all up, including $50 postage, so about $100 a dress is great for dresses delivered to your door. Now I just have to stop myself from ordering the other 50 dresses I love...

Here is what I ordered:

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I don't think this is the exact dress I bought, it seems to have disappeared from the website, but this is very similar, same price and the same brand

Exactly one week after placing my order the dresses were delivered to my door from the US. They came in quite cute packaging with a little carry bag and a brightly decorated box...

I ripped the packing off and tried them on to see how far off they were from fitting me. The first dress with the feather pattern was too small. The zip wouldn't do up and the dress had no give at all. It is a lovely dress though and I will definitely keep it and hope I can wear it when I go to Byron Bay in February. The blue dress fit OK, I could get away with it, but I would prefer it a little looser if possible. It is much nicer in real life than it looks in the picture. The skirt is pleated and the colour is beautiful. I look forward to wearing it soon hopefully!

Lastly, the dress I most wanted to fit because I had bought it with the hope I could wear it to my birthday dinner this week, was the black sequin dress. I actually think that I can get away with it, what do you think? It is quite short so I will wear black tights with it even though it is summer! I am cold all the time anyway, so I still wear tights most days unless it is a heat wave. Now I just have to brave the shopping mall for some killer earrings and a little bag and I am all set. 

The pictures do not do the dress justice because it is so sparkley and gorgeous in real life. I'll post pictures when I am all dressed up properly, in the pictures below I was just about to go to the gym so I am without make up and my hair is slicked back in a greasy pony tail. My birthday is Friday night and we are having dinner in the city (it's actually a family Christmas dinner, but since it's my birthday I'll pretend it is for me) and I am staying in a fancy hotel so I am looking forward to getting ready and having something nice to wear. Yay, I can't wait!

Shop Till You Drop

Shopping at 130 kilos was practically impossible and I actually got to the point where often the largest sizes in plus size clothing stores would not fit me. I always pictured that if I was ever lucky enough to lose weight that the clothing world would be my oyster. I could go into any shop and most, if not everything, would fit me. My biggest problem would be that I had so many lovely options that it would be difficult to choose. These are the things I day dreamed about when I was bigger…

I have now lost 50 kilos and weigh 79.3 kilos (175 lbs) and I really thought I should now be able to fit into size 16's at the ‘normal’ size shops. I really don’t shop much because I can’t afford to spend money on clothes when I am still (trying to) lose weight so I haven’t had much of an opportunity to see what does and doesn’t fit me.  It is my birthday next week and I am going out for a nice dinner so I decided to head out shopping and treat myself with a new dress. 

I started shopping last week and I spent about 3 hours looking through all the shops in the city after work one night. I tried on every pretty dress in a size 16 (biggest size in most shops) and they were ALL too small. Some I can't get done up at all, others go on but are skin tight around my fat stomach and too big around my shoulders. 

So I am a bit shaken, but I head out again the next night, determined to find something nice to wear for my birthday. This time I try on not only the things that I like, but absolutely anything I can find that may fit me. It is a hot and sticky night and I am getting more and more flustered as I have to leave the change room and hand over about 12 items to a hopeful looking shopping assistant asking how I went. Each time I have to explain that they were too small and she offers to get me bigger sizes and I have to advise her that they are the biggest sizes in the shop. Joyful times.

I even try a couple of less trendy shops that go up to a size 18, while the clothes might not be my cup of tea, I am hopeful there might be something that is kind of wearable. I finally have success with a size 18 dress that fits. Well, it fits around my stomach, but is easily 2 sizes too big around my shoulders. I tell myself that I can wear a cardigan and it might not be noticeable. Then I really look at the dress and realize it is hideous and decide to just get the hell out of there.

Would you believe that I went back one more time over the weekend to try again (by this stage I had been to 3 different shopping centres!). I was supposed to be helping AJ shop for work shirts, but I couldn't help but have a little look for myself and try some things on. Same old story, everything clinging tightly around my fat stomach. I even tried the plus size stores, but they are way too big. I am stuck in limbo.

So now I am in full pity party mode. I am sick of my stupid deformed body that can't wear normal clothes. It is clear that nothing will fit me properly until I get body lift surgery to get rid of my hideous apron stomach and loose skin, but strangely enough I don't have a spare $20k sitting around to get that done! I just need to try and remember all the important reasons I lost weight and not focus on this one little problem...

One of the dresses that I tried on that I absolutely loved. It may look like it fits, but  I couldn't get the zipper done up at all. I wanted to buy it anyway, but at $280 I couldn't justify the expense for a dress that may not ever fit.

Weekly Goal Check In

Last Tuesday I set myself a few goals for the week to try and step it up and start losing weight again. I am extremely happy to be able to come back now and let you know that I did achieve these small goals. I am often not very good at sticking to my goals, but knowing I had made a public commitment really helped.

Make an appointment to get a fill in my lap band
I managed to get squeezed in for an appointment last Tuesday night and the doctor gave 0.2 mls, so I now have 5.9 mls in a 10 ml band. I was lucky to get that appointment because my doctor is now on leave until mid-February, so that would have been a bummer. I can feel the difference in that I need to eat a bit slower and food is more likely to get stuck, but I can't say that I feel like it has done much to satiate my hunger. I am not sure if I will ever find that sweet spot on my lap band.

Go to the gym 4 times
This was very hard, but I managed to get it done, even if it nearly killed me a couple of nights. I went to the gym Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday and Monday, as well as doing pilates at work on Tuesday afternoon for a little bonus workout. Getting 4 workouts a week is tough at the moment because I have a lot of things on, but it can be done if you really commit (and go to the gym late at night!).


Enjoy only one off plan meal on the weekend
Out of all my mini goals for the week, this was certainly the most difficult! My planned treat meal was Saturday night out for dinner and drinks with a friend. The problem is that on Sunday I was hung over and really wanted a cheeseburger and a coke to sort me out. Not only that, but I had several Christmas drinks/functions to go to during the week where I had to be boring and sip on mineral water while everyone else was drinking champagne.

So I was really happy with the work that I put in this week and I was hoping my effort would begin to show on the scales when I weighed myself last Friday. But no... So far for the month of December when I have 'stepped it up' I have managed to gain 100 grams. I can't believe I haven't lost any weight this month so far. So much for my plan to lose 3 kilos, it looks like that isn't going to happen unless I get decapitated.

Woe is me. I really hate the freaking scales.

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Bridesmaid Dress- The Before Photos

My Chinese bridesmaid dress just arrived in the post! Keep in mind that I just took the below photos myself in the disabled toilet at work so hopefully that explains the weird poses, crazy eyes and poor quality.

First thing first, massive sigh of relief that it isn't too small. Phew. In fact, it is actually too big and I will need to get it taken in. I think it will look a lot better when it is fitted around my chest and waist and isn't all creased. It'll also look better when I am wearing a proper strapless bra and some spanx. Not to mention losing 5 kilos and slapping on some fake tan. So let's call these photos the before pictures...

I am also thinking that it really needs a belt of some kind to break it up and make it look a bit cuter. The colour of the dress is actually coral (though it looks a little hot pink in the photos) and I am not sure how to accessorize it properly. I think we are going to wear nude/beige shoes, so does anyone have any ideas on the color for the belt? The bride is very easy going in terms of colours and what we wear, so anything goes!

All you gorgeous fashionistas please send me any ideas that you come up with for accessories. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Getting Shit Done

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Going to work can occasionally be useful because yesterday I heard about this great website at a seminar that I attended. It is called iDoneThis and is a great way to motivate yourself to get things done and keep track of your achievements. Everyday it sends you an email asking you what you did today and you just reply to it and it will update your information in a calendar for you.

There are heaps of uses for a tool like this, but I am using it to track my workouts. It'll be a great way to reflect at the end of each month and see if I am working out as much as I think I am and get a reality check. I'll be sure to bore you senseless by posting my monthly calendar of workouts!

Here is the email I received today...
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Hi there. Take 30 seconds to write out what you got done today.
Today is day zero. Clean slate.
But remember the ancient wisdom -- a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single email.

Don't forget.
Just reply to our email to make an entry.
And put each thing you did on its own line
like
this.
iDoneThis is a part of the slow web movement. After you email us, your calendar is not updated instantaneously. But rest up, and you'll find an updated calendar when you wake.
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I have only just started to use it, let me know if you're using it and if you find it motivational. So far I have already logged my 2 gym workouts for the week, hopefully there will be many more to come!

PS- I hope this doesn't sound like a sales pitch because I have had it up to here with reading blogs flogging crap lately. Strangely enough it isn't so much the weight loss blogs I read, but the food, fashion and mummy blogs (not that I read many mummy blogs!) that are constantly posting boring reviews of crap they got for free. What is more irritating is that it isn't just one review, about 5 different bloggers will all have received the same free thing or invitation to an event and you get the joy of reading about it multiple times. I can't believe bloggers think we want to read a whole post about the can of instant coffee they received in the mail. Have they lost their minds?

Sucking It Up

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Since I have recommitted to actually losing these last 10 kilos things have been up and down. As usual, I am fine throughout the week, but weekends are tough. Too much eating out, too much take away and way too much chocolate!  I won’t even get started on the wine for fear of being called an alcoholic in the comments yet again... (I promise I am not even close to an alcoholic!) I really wish I had the motivation I had when I lost weight in the first 18 months of having the lap band. I have completely lost my ability to just suck it up and stick to a diet. This is somewhat understandable I guess because, let’s face it, dieting really sucks!

FOOD

I am beginning to think I may need to go and see my lap band doctor and get a fill. I have noticed lately that I am able to scoff my food down at an alarming pace and eat all sorts of things that I probably shouldn’t be able to eat with a band. God I hate going to see the lap band doctor though…  getting that look when you weigh in and see that you haven’t lost any weight again even though you promised you would. I might just have to suck it up and deal with the shame if I want any chance of getting through the holidays without a massive gain.

EXERCISE

I must admit that I am yet to go to my new gym as much as I would have liked because I did pilates last week at work and I was left with very severe DOMS. Just getting up from the couch was difficult for most of the week, so the idea of going to the gym was not appealing.  ß Case in point of my complete lack of ability to toughen up and just stick to a diet and exercise plan!

No more excuses, it’s time to make some goals for the week:. 

·         Make an appointment to get a fill in my lap band

·         Go to the gym four times

·         Enjoy only one off plan meal on the weekend

Those goals really shouldn't be too hard... Feel free to give me hell if I don't stick to them!

What are your goals for the week?

December Weigh In

It has been a long time since I have weighed in on this blog. I do weigh myself occasionally at home, but I don't really like the pressure of having to 'weigh in'. The last time I formally weighed in was back in April when I was 75.7 kilos (166 lbs), but at the time I was on a crazy low carb diet. As lovely as it was to see those low numbers, they didn't stick around for long once I caved and started eating carbs again.

I am hoping that getting back to weighing myself will give me the drive and accountability to lose 5-10 kilos (11 - 22 lbs) and be at a place where I feel more confident about my body and can comfortably wear clothes from the 'normal' shops. Not to mention the whole being a bridesmaid in a few months and not wanting to look huge in my coral chiffon dress! I also want to build my strength and fitness back up, but that doesn't have anything to do with weight loss and is more about exercising and eating the right foods to fuel my body.

The results...

Heaviest Weight: 129.7 kilos (285 lbs)
Current Weight: 79.5 kilos (175 lbs)

I am not too happy with that number because only last week I was at least a kilo lighter and since then I have had my eating 100% and been exercising. I strongly suspect that this is due to some new medication I started taking on Sunday that has given me crazy insomnia and I have slept less than 3 hours per night this week and last night I didn't sleep at all. So I am feeling like a puffy, tired, walking zombie at work right now. I can really understand why sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture!

December is going to be tough. I have to admit that I have never lost weight or even maintained my weight during December because I do love me some Christmas cheer! I am not one to say no to a glass (or bottle) of champers or any of the delicious treats that surround us at Christmas. I love having an excuse to catch up with all my friends and family and have a drink and a laugh so I don't want to miss out on that this year, I just need to be more careful. Easier said than done...

I have set myself the rather lofty goal to lose 3 kilos this December. This is going to be hard because even on my best weight loss months I struggled to lose 3 kilos. It is achievable and I will do my best to reach that goal and come back here on January 1st 2012 with a good weigh in.

Is anyone else pushing themselves with weight loss goals this December?

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