Highs and Lows

Today is the last day of 2008 and my two year blogaversary so it is a perfect time to reflect on the year that was.

Wow 2008 has been a year of highs and lows for me- often at the same time. I can't say it has been the best year for me, I have made a lot of mistakes and had some low times but I think I have learnt a lot from it all and I know the things I have learnt will make for a much better 2009.

I started a new job (technically in December 2007)...
This was a huge opportunity for me and has been the most overwhelming experience of my life. It has taken me to London, Singapore, New Zealand (twice) and about 15 interstate trips. It has involved me giving speeches at launch parties, gala dinners, cocktail parties and endless lunches. It has been the most overwhelming experience of my life and I was completely unprepared. It has caused me so much stress and I have worked so many hours that I developed an eye twitch, lost a lot of hair and gained a stack of weight.

I graduated from uni...
I graduated from my Masters in Publishing after many years of studying. I am glad to be done with studying, I have always used study as a hiding place. I always go back to it when I get scared and feel lost, but I dont think I need it anymore.

I got down to my lowest weight ...
I felt absolutely fabulous at this weight and couldn't have been happier. I feel like the person I want to be at this weight and I just don't know why I can't stay there.

I attended my 10 year high school reunion...
I would never have gone if I hadn't lost weight and I am glad I did because I had so much fun. I wasn't exactly popular during high school, so it was great to go back and release some of the demons I had about the way I was treated.

I spent the month of May in Europe...
I had two weeks in Oxford for work, then a week in Rome and a week in Paris for holidays. I have wanted to go to Europe since I was a little girl and was one of those things I held back on because of my weight so this was truly a dream come true.

I moved house...
I moved from the inner city to the suburbs and I kind of hate it. I feel really isolated out here and I am finding it really hard to catch up with friends. I also have to leave for work at 6.30am now because of the traffic and I am not a morning person. I can't wait until my lease is up so that I can move back to the city!

Geelong lost the grand final...
Bummer!

I had an operation...
It was a simple operation, but I got an infection and took a couple of weeks to recover. It was weird to take two whole weeks off work, but I must say I almost enjoyed the break!

I went on holidays to Hawaii...
This was the best holiday ever! I had an absolute ball and wish I was back there right now. Sometimes it takes true happiness and relaxation to realise how unhappy you are in the rest of your life.

I re-gained all the weight I lost over the past 3 years...
This deserves a whole post on its own. I really thought I would never come back to this weight, I really thought I had changed. It is devastating to me that I have let this happen again.

Happy New Year!

Christmas was full of food, family and fun for me. Unfortunately I seem to still be eating like it is Christmas day. People have given me so much wonderful food that I feel guilty to get rid of it. I know I should be tough and just throw it out, but I guess I don't really want to...

I am so looking forward to finishing up 2008 and starting a fresh in 2009. I have so many changes I want to make to my life this year, not just weight wise, in every aspect of my life. I'll be starting off 2009 with a bang in Bendigo with Miss Milo, Kenz and Beckie and I know it will set the tone for a fabulous year!

Oh, and did you see that one of my favourite bloggers is back? Check out Mellisa's new blog http://bikertart.blogspot.com/. I just know 2009 will be our year Mel!

I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe New Year!!!!!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone that has time to read this and isn't madly shopping, cooking and looking after kids. I did all my shopping a couple of weeks ago, but I really should start to think about what I am going to serve my family for Christmas dinner. It looks like the weather should be nice so I am thinking a casual BBQ with lots of fresh summer fruits for dessert will be the way to go.



In other news, it is my birthday today and I am now 28 years old. I have a bit to say about that, but I can't be bothered right now. All I can say is that I am feeling and looking old this year. I don't mind getting older, to me age shouldn't matter if you are happy, but I haven't had the best year. Let's hope that I have made a few significant changes to my life by the time I turn 29.

Like any good birthday, I have started this one hung over after some Christmas drinks with friends last night. My flat mate made me breakfast this morning and I am meeting a friend for lunch. I think the girls from work have organised a cake for me and then tonight I have a family dinner for Christmas/Birthday with my dad, step mum, brother and brother's girlfriend. So it will be a very busy day of eating- lucky I have been in training for this!

I am writing this from work and this is the first time EVER that I have had to work on my birthday. It isn't fun, I don't know how you people do it every year. I find it annoying that people want me to do things for them on MY birthday, it is just outrageous. I guess that is what I am getting paid for...

Anyway, I want to wish everyone that has read my blog over the past year or two a very happy Christmas. Thank you all for taking the time to comment and offer your support and a friendly message that never fails to brighten my day.

Christmas Cheer

I know there a lot of dedicated bloggers out there who are in the zone over Christmas, but I am not one of them. I must say that I am having fun enjoying the good food and alcohol that is so abundant at this time of year. More than that, I can relax and enjoy the parties and events without stressing about how I will 'get through it' without over indulging.

I am looking forward to the new year and the opportunity for a fresh start and to set some goals for my future. I know I could start now, but I really don't have the time or inclination. Case in point, I am eating cold tim tams from the fridge as I type this...

It is a shame that I am catching up with so many family and friends when I am feeling so fat and awful, but I am just telling myself that they won't recognise me by next Christmas!

Christmas Weekend Extravaganza!

Every December I have what I call my 'Christmas Weekend Extravaganza!'

It will start tonight when I take my gran to the church Christmas lights festival and then for pancakes. I'll then get up nice and early on Saturday morning and go to the local shopping mall and do all of my Christmas shopping. I hope to be finished by lunchtime and then I'll go to see whatever Christmas movie is playing, this year it is Four Holidays, and eat copious amounts of popcorn. Then I finish the day off with a picnic at the local Carols By Candlelight where I sing Christmas carols with the kiddies.

On Sunday, I plan to wrap all my Christmas presents and put them under the tree. When I recover from my food hangover from the day before, I start my Christmas baking. Of course a chronic dieter can't have too many Christmas goodies in the house, so I then force it all on other people. This year it will be the poor unsuspecting oldies at my grans nursing home. I am making Christmas Tree shaped sugar biscuits and mini chocolate coated Christmas puddings (some out of fruit cake, some out of mud cake). Of course I may just have to taste test a few of these before I give them away...

Don't worry, I am not this cheesy in my everyday life, Christmas just brings it out in me. I'll leave you with some pictures of my tree set up in my lounge room.









*Also, this is my 200th post and it is totally non-weight loss related, oh well...*

No Excuses!

I have finally set up my home gym in my new place- complete with TV, DVD player and air conditioning. Over the years I have looked at other people and thought, I would lose weight too if I had access to a gym in my house. I have told myself that I can't afford a gym membership or don't have the time to get to the gym.

I officially have no more excuses not to exercise anymore.

Food For Thought

I have been thinking a lot over the past year and my thoughts led me to a place I never thought I would go. I recently attended this information session for Bariatric Surgery.

There was a moment during the night that really hit home for me. A girl my age got up to speak about her experience of having a lap band and how it has changed her life. She said for her that it has freed her mind and her obsession with food and she just feels normal for the first time in her life. I can't say I didn't cry.

I have a lot to think about over the next few months.

Ouch!

Do you ever just feel like if it isn't one thing it is another? That is how I feel at the moment. Like my girl Cinderella Big Butt, I have had some horrendous mouth/jaw pain that has turned out to be my wisdom teeth being impacted and infected. The pain started on Friday but I had a weekend away in Echuca for my girlfriend's birthday so I didn't have time to see a dentist until Tuesday.

It may sound weird, but I have had an extreme fear of going to the dentist, not because of normal reasons, but because of my fat. It was just one more possibly awkward situation that I wanted to avoid. The last time I went to the dentist was about 8 years ago and that was an emergency because I sculled a bottle of Jim Beam and passed out face first on a BBQ and smashed my face and teeth in. I haven't been able to drink any kind of scotch or whisky since, it just turns my stomach at the thought of it.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent. Like most of my fat phobias, it turned out to be completely unwarranted and irrational. I can't tell you how lovely the dentist and his staff were to me and I felt totally comfortable. The only thing that was uncomfortable was the cost. The dentist has recommended that I get all four wisdom teeth taken out before Christmas because of the infection and they are just going to continue to get infected and be painful. I am not covered for wisdom teeth on my health insurance for another few months, so I will just have to wait it out. I am just so glad that I am covered at all because I only just took out health insurance. I am on antibiotics for the infection which has put a dampener on my weekend plans, who wants to attend a dress up party sober?

So I should take a leaf out of Cinderella Big Butt's book and be positive because 99.99% of my posts these days are whiny. So here is some stuff that makes me happy...

~ My jaw is so swollen that I couldn't eat even if I wanted to, which makes being on this liquid diet much easier.

~ Only 16 work days until the Christmas holidays.

~ I finally have a house that is big enough to put up a Christmas tree, which I'll be doing on the weekend. Yay!

~ Optifast now makes a strawberry flavoured shake which is soooo much better then the chocolate.

~ The weather has been perfect for some gorgeous evening walks around my new neighbourhood.

~ Gossip Girl, ANTM, 90210 and so many other cheesy American TV shows that I love are all starting for the non-ratings summer line up- I love trashy TV.